Exploring Healing



Many people come to a sexual journey looking for healing.

There’s a problem, an issue, a blockage,a pain, a hurt.

That’s where so many journeys begin.

A lot of my work happens in this space, or that’s where it starts anyway.

I’ve been thinking a lot during this lockdown of what healing is.

When we say we’re looking for healing what does that mean?

For many people it means that we need to fix something.

We need to fix something in the body, so I can have orgasms for example, when I’m not.

It means we need to fix something in the relationship, so, for example, we have more intimacy.

It means we need to fix something in the heart, so, for example I can love again when I’ve been hurt.

It means we need to fix something in the mind, so I can think about this situation differently and stop fixating on this problem.

Firstly, I think it means we’re looking for change, for something to be different, for there to be more of something or less.

If there’s a pain, on any level, physical, mental, emotional, sexual, we’d like there to be less pain.

If something is missing or lacking, on any level, we’d like there to be more. If we’re not experiencing intimacy or pleasure, we’d like more of that in our lives.

We’re looking to change something.

And the healing, whatever that is, whichever path we choose, will help that to happen.

Underneath that, and we’re going through many layers here, is love.

Love for ourselves.

And that’s what healing is.

Loving ourselves more we would like to live differently.

We would like to do differently.

We would like to feel differently.

We would like to see life, love, pleasure, ourselves, others, the world, differently.

When we give ourselves to this journey, and that’s different from us deciding what it should be, that’s when we allow something different to emerge.

For this to happen we have to go to the unknown. The unknown places within our bodies, within our minds, within our hearts, within our energy.

Healing happens in the unknown.

When we decide what it should be, how it should look or feel, we’re staying where we know, with what we know. Very little changes with this.

When we go into the unknown we’re connecting with a wisdom, a knowing within us, that will guide us, show us, to what can be.

We’re connecting with a force that expresses as love. And when we do this, out of love for ourselves, we connect with life in a way that says ‘I will show you what loving yourself more means’.

We begin to live differently.

Maybe in small ways.

Maybe we start to have more awareness of what we’re doing, of the patterns we’re repeating, the conditioning we’re following, the stories we’re telling.

From the awareness we begin to see that we could do this differently.

And we ask how.

When we ask how from a space of loving ourselves the journey becomes different from a space of needing to fix something.

There’s no need, there’s a choice.

The deeper we go into loving ourselves, the stronger the choice becomes.

That takes time, that takes patience, that takes practice.

That takes an awareness of what we’re really doing, learning to love ourselves. Learning to see who we really are, our true nature. Not what we’ve been conditioned to become. Not whatever anyone else expects us to be. Not the way we’ve been told we should be. Not the way we think we should experience pleasure and relationship and love.

Our true nature.

That’s what we’re revealing, layer by layer.

Healing becomes growth, becomes learning, becomes expansion, becomes exploration, an endless journey of experience.

People come to this journey looking for healing.

And this time has made me so aware of spending time, before we do anything else, of talking about these things deeply.

It requires deep listening.

It requires an understanding of what healing means for both of us.

In a world of quick-fix and instant solutions it may not be a path for everyone.

And it does take us into the unknown.

Healing is freedom.

The freedom to choose to live a way that expresses love, for ourselves, others, the world we live on and in.

The freedom to feel, feel into all the aspects of ourselves, know all these facets of our being, like a jewel we hold up to the light, and every time we turn it, we see something different.

In time, we see beyond the surface of this jewel, we see deeper into it, we see what it reveals to us, as our vision, inner vision, heart vision, opens our sight more.