In a few weeks we’re sharing some exciting live events at The Sex Expo in Cape Town, and then a week of workshops.

A while ago I received a letter from a man I shared some of this journey with.

I share it with you because so many of us have had similar situations in our lives, and so much of this has been painful, deeply painful. Sometimes to the point of relationships, marriages ending, families being broken up, and the cycle of this repeating through generations.


I was thinking about food
I was thinking about sex
I was thinking about nourishment
I was thinking about nurturing

I was thinking about the kind of food we eat, the nourishment, or lack of nourishment we get.
The context we eat in, the way we eat.
And the kind of sex, sensuality, pleasure we have, the way we have it, and the context we have it in.


Tears on my chest
Sacred tears.
I sat with a man in Yab-Yum, holding him, naked chest to naked chest, heart to heart.
We sat in stillness and breathed, coming into our bodies, softening into each other, into the warmth of our skins, into presence.
I began to rock him, to slowly move his body.


A Puja is an experience, a ritual, a ceremony of worship.
A Puja is an offering.
The Yoni Puja is the ritual of worshipping Yoni.
It’s a ritual of adoration to the Divine Yoni.
It’s a ritual of offering love to the Yoni.
It’s a ritual of worship of the body, of the heart, of your lover.


From a place in my heart comes the ancient and sacred practice of holding, of resting my hands on your body.
In stillness, deep stillness.
In reverence.
In love.


And she came and stood before the high priest and the acolytes.
I wish to know myself, she said.
I wish to know the spark of life within me.
I wish to know the source within me.
I wish to know the ecstasy I have felt within me.
I wish to know the pulsation I have felt within me.


‘It was actually overwhelming, the intensity, felt like a fire inside my belly.’
Very few women are aware of their sexual power, the energy that dwells inside.
Very few women allow themselves the opportunity to experience the fullness of this power.


As strong, as powerful, as much of a fire there is in your G-Spot, it’s also delicate, tender, soft.
The focus of this is healing and pleasure.
For healing, and for the pleasure to awaken, for the fire to burn high, there needs to be softness, there needs to be gentleness, there needs to be love.


So much of our sexuality
So much of our pleasure
So much of our intimacy
So much of our love
Is about the relationship we have with ourselves
It’s about the relationship with these aspects of ourselves
With our bodies
With our hearts
With our desire.


Sex changed for me when it became more about energy.
Sex changed for me when it became more about intimacy and connection.
Sex changed for me when it became less about orgasm.
Sex changed for me when it became less about release.
Sex changed for me when it became less about ending.


One of the aspects of our nature is to aspire, to expand, to seek.
It can be such a powerful part of who we are when it’s integrated into us with awareness.
One of the places, and ways, this expresses itself is in pleasure, in sensuality, in our sexuality.
In our seeking intensity, depth, expansion.
Searching the limitless realm of possibility.


I love it when a word opens a whole concept.
It’s taking a moment to savour.
In this moment, the coffee, the pastry, which is an almond croissant.
To savour the taste, the aroma, the texture.
The sounds around me, the feel of a breeze on my skin.


Naked freedom, naked sex.

Naked sex?

Isn’t all sex naked?

Most of the time, sometimes it’s partially clothed, sometimes it’s in a costume, sometimes it’s just pulling something down, pulling something aside.

And there’s more.


‘It’s like I’ve discovered a secret superpower.’

This is what a woman shared with me last week after learning some of the Self-Pleasuring practices.

‘I’ve found a way to feel more alive, have more energy.’

‘I’m moving differently, talking with more confidence.’

‘I can feel being in my body more, like it’s mine, I’ve never felt that before.’


This is the ritual
In a sacred space we come together
Open bodies
Open hearts
Having prepared ourselves, we connect
Lover to lover


I was thinking about something I get asked a lot.
How do we have better sex?

It’s something so many people talk about, and it’s something so many programmes and courses offer, including mine.
Better Sex.


Make love as only you can.
Touch as only you can.
Open your heart as only you can.
Talk to your lover as only you can.


I’ve shared with you one of the cornerstones of my work, patterns.
Touch is a place where our patterns are very present, and keeps us from being present.


One of the deepest, one of the most abiding, one of the most powerful, and one of the most intimate things we can offer each other is our presence.
It’s what so much of the teachings of Conscious Sexuality are about, presence.


I discovered that I loved having your hand on my throat, you squeezing …

I discovered that I liked being touched by 2 men…

I discovered that I like being spanked, and I loved the bruises afterwards…

I discovered that I loved another woman’s body…

Loving and Living Inside Pleasure

The way we generally experience pleasure is that it happens, it’s often done to us.
Or we’re doing it to someone else.
It’s often goal-oriented, about getting to a point.
It’s an act, it starts, it finishes, not always fulfillingly.

Pleasuring a Woman Pt 2

Of course it’s not orgasm vs pleasure, that was really just to get your attention.
And maybe not, maybe there’s something in that.

Here’s the way that many of us look at sex.
That it’s about a goal, the goal.
It’s about achieving.
It’s about performing.
It’s about making something happen.

Pleasing a Woman

A while ago at a gathering I was listening to a conversation between some young guys and a woman older than them. The conversation was about sex, some questions, it was flirty, and then one of the guys said, ‘I know how to please a woman.’

The Questions We Shouldn’t Ask

There are some questions we shouldn’t ask.
Because the answers make us uncomfortable, they make us squirm inside.
Because if we ask them we might have to do something about it.
Because if we ask them we bring certain things into the light of day, we acknowledge their existence, and maybe they’re best left unsaid.
Because if we ask them we might have to respond.

The Yoni Kiss

The way that most of us have sex is actually by doing sex.
And along the way we feel some things, sometimes intensely, sometimes not.
Sometimes we don’t feel too much because we’re focused on the end of the doing.
In fact, that’s what most of us have sex for, the end. Those few moments, brief moments of release more than anything else.
They’re not really moments of ecstasy, just the release we seek.

The Power of Being Sexual

The way that most of us have sex is actually by doing sex.
And along the way we feel some things, sometimes intensely, sometimes not.
Sometimes we don’t feel too much because we’re focused on the end of the doing.
In fact, that’s what most of us have sex for, the end. Those few moments, brief moments of release more than anything else.
They’re not really moments of ecstasy, just the release we seek.

Lessons in Sacred Sexuality 3

They sat in the twilight as the day darkened into the softness of night.
The waves were soft coming onto the beach and the whisper carried the sound to where they sat in peaceful quiet.
Their eyes met, and they breathed a sigh, a smile of knowing in this moment of intimacy. There was an energy in their gaze, palpable, as it met, was met.

Make Clitoral Love

I’ve been doing and teaching Yoni Massage for over 20 years.
In this time I’ve developed many different experiences.
Some are focused on healing, some on pleasure, some on energy, some on worship.
Sometimes those all come together in one experience, it’s never just one thing.

Hey Man, Slow Down!

One of the best things a man can learn about sex, about lovemaking, about touch, is not a technique.
We love techniques, and I’m glad we do because I teach lots of them.
But what we’ve done is that we’ve made the technique so important.
And the more techniques we know, the better lovers we think we’ll be.

The Deepening Mystery of the Yoni

The Yoni, Sacred Space, reveals mystery after mystery.
We know so much, there is so much to discover, so much to learn.
The body is the guide, the teacher, and the way in to deeper experiences, deeper spaces.
Through connection we access the wisdom of the body.
Through touch we learn the wisdom of the Yoni.

Lingam Healing, A Deep Practice

There is a deep practice of Lingam Healing, male healing, heart healing.
It’s a practice of presence.
It’s a practice of receiving, of being.
It’s a slow practice, it has very little movement.
It’s a practice of time, the time it takes each time, and the time it takes for a man to relax into it, to receive it.

Our Pleasure Capacity

Many of us yearn for deeper experiences, higher states, greater experiences of energy, of sensation and feeling.
And so we should, as that’s our potential, that’s our possibility.
To have these, to go to those places, there’s something to understand.
We can only go where our capacity allows us to go.
The capacity of our body, of our nervous system, of our emotions, of presence.

The Experience of 1000 Kisses

Going deeper into the body
Going deeper into intimacy
Going deeper into sensation
Going deeper into feeling
Going deeper into devotion
The Experience of 1000 Kisses

Taking Care

I was sharing a lesson on sensuality and intimacy with a couple recently and an important element of this came up.
To care for another.
To care about another.
To touch with care.
To kiss with care.

Intentional Sensual Massage

Intentional Sensual Massage is one of the most powerful, most consistent ways to have deeper pleasure experiences.
Intentional Sensual Massage is one of the most powerful ways to have pleasure experiences that become expanded states of consciousness.
Intentional Sensual Massage is one of the clearest ways to experience deep states of erotic and sexual energy.

The Simple, and Deep, Power of Connection

Next week in Johannesburg, the following week in Cape Town, we’re sharing a workshop that we’ve called Tantric Intimacy, Connection and Sexual Energy.
There’s something so important in this workshop that can change our sexual experiences, deeply and simply.
It can also have an impact on our relationships that will open space and possibility.
It’s connection.

The Touch Becomes The Teacher

The world of Conscious Sensual Massage has so many possibilities for us.

In a few weeks we have a series of massage workshops coming up in Joburg and Cape Town.
I was thinking about these experiences, and what they are, what they have for us.
There’s actually some important stuff here.

The first thing is that learning, and experiencing these practices, is a journey into ourselves.
Touch is an incredible guide to our inner selves as it has no filters, like the mind does.

All Orgasms are Different

For many of us the model of sex is based on what we think it should be, how we think it should be, how we think it should look.
This is often a porn-based model, filled with the idea of performance and expectation.
This is often a Hollywood based model.

Orgasm, the way we express orgasm, especially for women, has been caught up in this model.

Drop Into Your Body

Drop into your body.
Drop deep, into the base, into the pelvis.
On so many journeys, in so many teachings, it’s about moving up, moving away from our base.
And it just may be that moving the other way, moving down, brings us into ourselves. Into the core.

Early Ejaculation and Receiving

When we engage with a journey of sexual healing we need to understand that our sexuality doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It’s connected to all aspects of our lives and so many aspects of our lives play out in our sexuality.

Conscious Sexuality includes all parts of who are and allows all of us to be there.

My Sexual Awakening

This is a beautiful and powerful sharing of a woman’s experience on this journey.

My journey started with Jonti as a path to repairing the relationship with my husband. My husband wanted to explore other partners and realised that not one person cannot fulfil every part of you. This was hard to hear and wrap my head around. I wanted a divorce, we were done.

Making Love With You

One of the most beautiful, one of the most powerful, one of the most intimate, one of the deepest experiences we can share, is to make love with a woman slowly, really slowly. Gently, really gently.
One of the most transformative experiences is to make love with a woman without the goal of orgasm, without the pressure to perform.

Conversations With My Sexual Body

A few years ago I went through a period of celibacy.
For someone who teaches in sexuality this created many fascinating possibilities.
It also gave me the space, which has continued, to look at my own sexuality.
A big part of this journey has been the relationship we have with our bodies, our genitals and our sexuality.

The Beautiful Massage

I have been a seeker for most of my life.
I did my first massage course in my early 20’s.
Since then I’ve been a seeker, a learner, a teacher, an experimenter, an adventurer, a discoverer, an experiencer, an experimenter, a creator, of touch.
Over time I’ve come to see, to feel, the power, the beauty, the mystery, the magic of touch.
I see this almost every day.