A SOFTER WAY OF PLEASURE 

Opening is expansion

Softness is welcoming

Gentleness is tender

Intimacy is vulnerability

Breathing into the heart

Consciousness is presence

Energy is flow

THE IMPORTANT PRESENCE OF PLEASURE 

‘I wanted to thank you for taking the time with me yesterday. 

Half of my problem is that I know I take long, and I shy away because I feel no one will want to put that effort in for me.’

YOU, YOUR YONI, YOUR LINGAM, DESERVE MORE

Your Yoni or your Lingam, you, deserve more.
They deserve more than simply being rubbed, by ourselves, by others, mostly hard and fast to the orgasm of release.
Your Yoni/Lingam deserve more than simply penetrating, being penetrated, to the friction, to the orgasm of release.

4 SECRETS OF SENSATION

As a sex educator and healer, a workshop facilitator and massage teacher there’s a question I get asked lots.

How do we have better sex?

Now what better sex actually is is its own discussion.

SACRED YONI, BEAUTIFUL YONI, YONI WORSHIP

For most of my life, most of this journey, which has been more than 25 years, I have worshipped Yoni, worshipped Women, loved Yoni, loved Women.
Goddess.
All of you, whether you know it or not, whether you’ve lived it or not.

THE EROTIC POWER OF A WHISPER

I’d like to share an erotic possibility with you.
I use the word possibility because it’s not a technique, that would reduce it to mechanics.
Maybe experience would be a better word, but I still prefer possibility because of where it can take you.

SEXUAL AWAKENING, LIFE AWAKENING

Recently I’ve been doing a lot of work with people, men and women, whose sexuality is waking up.
This isn’t something new, I’ve been doing this for a long time and I’d like to share some of the elements of this with you.
Sexual Awakening is stepping into the field of possibility.

THE LIMITLESS WAYS OF MAKING LOVE

I love to love, and I love to make love.
One of the understandings on this journey is how many ways there are to make love, and what amazing, limitless doors of possibility this idea opens for us.

Many of us hear that phrase, making love, and our minds go to something genital, something penetrative, something with an orgasm, hopefully for everyone involved…

THE MAGIC OF THE MYSTERIOUS, EXPANDED YONI KISS

A long time ago I came across an old book on sexuality, I used to collect them.
There was a claim in this book, based on ancient knowledge, that after an hour of oral stimulation, Yoni nectar became a magical elixir with all sorts of amazing, magical properties.
Being a dreamer and a romantic, I loved the idea.

BEING A GOOD LOVER IS BEING…

There is a really interesting aspect of being a good lover that we don’t always connect with sex.

Almost everyone who shares a healing and growth with me at some point says that they’re amazed at how it has everything to do with sex and nothing to do with sex.

This is the same.

THE SACRED TOUCH OF SERVICE

So much of our touch wants something. 

So much of our touch is for something else, leading to something else.

So much of our touch, even subconsciously, has an expectation in it.

So much of our touch is for a reaction, a response.

And because touch is a language of the body, the body, even subconsciously, picks up what’s in the touch.

THE TOUCH THAT SEEKS TOUCH

There is a touch that seeks touch

There is a heart that seeks another

There is love that seeks love

There is pleasure that seeks pleasure 

There’s a beautiful concept that what we seek is seeking us.

THE HEALING OF THE DEEP EROTIC SPACE

The Deep Erotic Space is an experience of energy, sexual energy, vitality, life-force.

It’s a space of the connection between the body and the heart.

It’s a space of deep relaxation and release.

It’s a space of softening and opening.

THE MEDITATION OF TOUCH

There is a touch that is slow, so slow.

There is a touch that is gentle, so gentle.

It comes from the heart, an energy that flows through your body into your hands so that your hands become your heart.

It comes from your breath, aligning your resonance.

THE INNER (SEXUAL) JOURNEY TO THE HEART

A while ago I shared a piece about a massage threesome, something we do lots, a deep and sensually sacred experience.
After that I received a lot of messages about where people could have this experience.
In conversation it emerged that most people were interested in this purely from a sexual space, an arousal space, a ‘getting off’ space.

LESSONS IN SACRED SEXUALITY 6

Look into my eyes
She said
Look into my eyes
As you enter my body
That you enter my heart
That you enter my being
That you enter me

TO KISS, SIMPLY FOR THE KISS

Mostly, everything we do with a lover is because it’s about getting to the next thing.

We kiss so I can touch your breasts. I touch your breasts so I can touch your Yoni. I touch your Yoni so I can be inside you. I’m inside of you so I can have an orgasm.

CLITINTIMACY

The other day I was doing a clitoral massage. This was in the space of healing, of pleasure, of energy, of sensation. It was about her receiving in a space of deep relaxation, breathing deeply, slowly. The touch was very, very gentle, very, very slow. It wasn’t about orgasm, if that happened it happened.

THE SPIRAL OF THE DIVINE PLEASURE PRESENT

Something fascinating changes when we shift perspective from having sex to experiencing pleasure.

Actually, a lot changes.

But recently something came to awareness that I’ve never thought about before.

Here’s what it is.

We stop going in straight lines.

LESSONS IN SACRED SEXUALITY 4

Our sex, our touch, our pleasure has so many dimensions.
One of the these is the conscious and subconscious intentions we bring to our experiences. And an element, a strong element of this is our need for our partner’s to be a certain way, react in a certain way, respond in a certain way.

THE SUBTLE POWER OF STILLNESS

In the conversation we had last night, it’s on my page, Christos and I spoke about the power of the subtle.

There’s a thing with sex, as soon as we’re inside someone, or someone is inside us, to move.

It’s almost as if our pelvis has a life, a will of its own, as if we’re programmed to move.

Stop.

THE POWER OF MEN RECEIVING

I’ve recently shared a few pieces on male sexuality and sensuality.

I share from what I experience in my work, in sessions and workshops, the questions that people ask.

These pieces have sparked some beautiful, deep and challenging discussions, questions and conversations.

I love the discussions, and what comes from them, the work and workshops, the practices, and more and more I see the invitation in these.

THE ACCEPTING, LOVING SPACE OF A LINGAM PUJA

I have been doing some very non-traditional Yoni and Lingam Puja experiences. 

This week I shared this space with a man.

Here we sit, 2 men.

2 naked men, looking into each other’s eyes.

FALLING IN LOVE WITH YONILINGAM

How different our pleasure would be, how different our sex would be, if we were in love, if we loved, our lover’s YoniLingam.

LESSONS IN SACRED SEXUALITY

One night I asked her how many lovers she’d had.
She teased me first, do you mean men and women, she said.
I was shocked at the number she told me.
How can that be sacred I asked?
She nodded, that’s an important question, there’s a lot to understand about it.

AND YONI SPOKE TO ME

As we free ourselves from patterning and conditioning, from inhibitions and shame, we open to a fuller life.
As we become more aware of the vitality, the creativity, the force of our sexuality, we are able to change so much within ourselves, our lives, our world.

THE PENETRATION OF THE LIMITLESS POSSIBILITIES OF PLEASURE

I was thinking about penetration, penetrative sex, and I was thinking about how narrowly we see that.
Firstly, for many of us the definition of sex is penetration, Lingam in Yoni, penis in vagina, or anus.
And for many of us, without penetration, there’s no fulfilment, something lacking, the experience is incomplete.

WOMEN’S DAY, WOMEN’S PLEASURE, TOGETHER IN LOVE

It’s Women’s Day in South Africa on Fri.
For over 25 yrs I’ve been sharing journeys of healing, growth exploration, experience and learning, mostly with women.
I share a lot about women’s pleasure, women’s sensuality, sexuality and eroticism.
And later in the week I’m going to share more about that.
I’d like to start the week with something different, something for men.

THE POWERFUL SOUND OF A YONI WHISPER

It’s not often Yoni is touched with a whisper.
So often she’s touched with a shout, a yell, a demand.
When you think about the contraction, the withdrawal that brings, the tension in so many Yoni’s makes sense.

THE MAGIC OF THE SLOW

There is magic in slow.
There is such power in slow.
Slow brings us into presence.
All else drifts away naturally when we are present.
There is no struggle in slow, there is surrender, to this moment, to our body, to our breath, to sensation, to feeling.
In slow there is flow. The way we move becomes a natural expression of the quiet within.
This is the quiet of intimacy, of connection.
In slow we are aware, expanded.
In slow we feel, we go deeper, gently, easily.
Nothing is forced, we are aligned.
In slow there is softness, energy that moves within me, within you, that surrounds us, moves between us, cocoons us.
In slow there is no time, we drift into endlessness. Each breath, each touch, each movement goes on and on and we see the depth of who we are as we melt into space.
Let the slow begin with your breath.
Into your heart, out from your heart.
Deepening.
Let the slow move into your eyes as you look at your lover, eyes soft as your inner vision awakens.
Let your kiss be slow, the meeting of your lips a caress that’s barely there.
Let the dance of your mouths be slow, an exploration that sips you into me.
Let your touch be slow, so slow.
I feel your skin, your body with a stroke that just moves. Your curves, your valleys, your mountains, endless under my slowly moving hands.
Slowly I breathe you into me, your scent, your breath. I fill my lungs with you to the bottom of my breath.
Let your union be slow, so slow, even slower.
Let your body receive your lover as a flower opens to the morning sun.
Allow yourself to be drawn into this sacred flower, spreading her petals in exquisite sensation.
In the slow you breathe your expansion, filling her with your heat.
In the slow you dance deeper and deeper in the liquid mystery.
Each movement, each breath, fills your body.
In the slow you are open for the energy to move through you.
In the slow you go beyond the mind, beyond the body, into awareness.
In the slow we become one with each other, with life.
There is healing in the slow.
Deep healing, deep release as that we’ve held onto, that which has held onto us, dissolves.
There is intimacy in the slow.
Deep intimacy.
The slow brings us into presence.
Presence is an element of intimacy.
There is magic in the slow.
It takes time, it takes practice to be present.
It takes time for us to learn and feel and appreciate the subtle, and oh, how delicious the subtle is.
Millimeter by millimeter we open, micro-movements.
It takes time for us to find the place within us that can be without constant stimulation, that allows energy to move, to flow, to feel that flow, to observe it and be in it.
There is learning in the slow, teaching in the slow as it draws us deeper within and we listen to the inner voice, we learn to hear it speak without words.
There is magic in the slow.
In this dance of endless possibility.

IF YOU’RE SEXUALLY BORED YOU MUST BE ASLEEP!

Over time many people have come to see me because they’re sexually bored. 

I’ve been teaching in the field of Conscious Sexuality for over 25 years, and this is a pretty common thing. In fact in long-term relationships it’s one of the biggest sexual issues that people encounter. And sometimes it doesn’t have to be experienced in a long relationship. 

Often we’re bored with our own sexuality, which often has nothing to do with our partner’s, it’s so much about us.

THE BODY, MIND, HEART, TOUCH OF HEALING AND GROWTH

All my life I’ve been fascinated by the connection between the mind and the body, thoughts and feelings, the spiritual and the corporeal, energy.. 

How this connection expands into the heart, intuition, our sexual centres, the wisdom of the body.

How they connect, how we heal and grow, how we learn in them, with them, through them.

It can’t ever be a question of one or the other.

On this journey, of healing, growth and experience, they’re so entwined within us, if we ignore, suppress, repress one, we’re doing less than half of what we need.

FROM TIGHTNESS TO LIGHTNESS, IN HEART TOUCH

There is, within so many of us, a tightness, a tension, a contraction.

It’s been there for so long, we don’t even know it’s there.

It’s been there for so long, it’s become who we are.

It’s a tightness of the body, a tightness of the mind, a tightness of the heart, a tightness of spirit.

It’s in our muscles, our bones, our joints.

It’s in our thoughts.

It’s in our feelings.

THERE IS GREAT RISK IN DEEP PLEASURE

There is a great risk in deep pleasure, in allowing ourselves to go to that place.

The place where we become one with another.

The place where we become one with life.

The place where we feel the Divine within us.

And in time, where we live as Divine.

The risk is that we reveal ourselves.

We allow ourselves to be seen.

INSIDE, TOO QUICKLY

Many women have been penetrated too quickly, often way before their bodies are ready to have something inside.
The impact of this is tension in the tissues of the yoni, often around and just inside the opening. This causes pain, particularly during penetration, whether it’s a finger or a cock.

YOUR OWN SEXUALITY

Your sexual intimacy is about you, it begins with you and it’s within you.

We’ve been conditioned to the idea that it’s outside of ourselves, about someone else, that we’re sexual and sensual beings when we’re in a relationship, when we’re having sex. And we tend to think about ourselves sexually in the act of self-pleasuring.

WE BYPASS INTIMACY WITH SEX

I was thinking about intimacy, sex, making love.
Often, for many of us, sex is a bypass of intimacy.
Orgasm is a bypass of intimacy.

THE S&X EXPO, MORE THAN PORN, PLASTIC AND PANTIES

This week in Cape Town something special is happening, The Sex Expo, and we are doing something special there, The Theatre of the Erotic.
I’ve been involved in this Expo since it began about 16 years ago.
I’ve watched the way it’s gone through many transitions and changes, ups and downs.
It has a special place inside of me, and I’ve always wanted to bring something to elevate the Expo, bring something more conscious, more erotic, more real, authentic.
Bring something more from the heart.

THE NURTURED COCK

For over 25 years on my journey into Conscious Sexuality I’ve been learning about men and male sexuality.
Firstly by going into my own Sexuality and sensuality, and then by spending so much time with men in a work space.
A great deal of this space has been helping men with sexual issues, love issues, intimacy issues.
I’ve worked with men who have lost their prostate through cancer, men who have lost relationships and marriages, men who struggle with sexual issues across the board.

THE POSSIBILITY OF HEALING, LOVE AND PLEASURE

In a few weeks we’re sharing some exciting live events at The Sex Expo in Cape Town, and then a week of workshops.

A while ago I received a letter from a man I shared some of this journey with.

I share it with you because so many of us have had similar situations in our lives, and so much of this has been painful, deeply painful. Sometimes to the point of relationships, marriages ending, families being broken up, and the cycle of this repeating through generations.

THE DELICIOUS AND FULFILLING PLEASURE OF FOOD AND SEX

I was thinking about food
I was thinking about sex
I was thinking about nourishment
I was thinking about nurturing

I was thinking about the kind of food we eat, the nourishment, or lack of nourishment we get.
The context we eat in, the way we eat.
And the kind of sex, sensuality, pleasure we have, the way we have it, and the context we have it in.

SACRED TEARS ON MY CHEST

Tears on my chest
Sacred tears.
I sat with a man in Yab-Yum, holding him, naked chest to naked chest, heart to heart.
We sat in stillness and breathed, coming into our bodies, softening into each other, into the warmth of our skins, into presence.
I began to rock him, to slowly move his body.

YONI PUJA, WORSHIP THE YONI, WORSHIP THE WOMAN

A Puja is an experience, a ritual, a ceremony of worship.
A Puja is an offering.
The Yoni Puja is the ritual of worshipping Yoni.
It’s a ritual of adoration to the Divine Yoni.
It’s a ritual of offering love to the Yoni.
It’s a ritual of worship of the body, of the heart, of your lover.

HOLDING, THE PLACE TO BE MET IN LOVE

From a place in my heart comes the ancient and sacred practice of holding, of resting my hands on your body.
In stillness, deep stillness.
In reverence.
In love.

THE HEALING RITUAL OF SACRED TOUCH

And she came and stood before the high priest and the acolytes.
I wish to know myself, she said.
I wish to know the spark of life within me.
I wish to know the source within me.
I wish to know the ecstasy I have felt within me.
I wish to know the pulsation I have felt within me.

THE POWER OF YOUR PLEASURE

‘It was actually overwhelming, the intensity, felt like a fire inside my belly.’
Very few women are aware of their sexual power, the energy that dwells inside.
Very few women allow themselves the opportunity to experience the fullness of this power.