I Found Something

I found something recently, and there might be something for you in what I’ve found.

I have always loved what I do.
When people talk about having a job I’ve never really thought of this as a job in the traditional sense.
I don’t think you can do this kind of work when you see it as a job.
I’ve always loved it.
It hasn’t always been easy, in fact there have been times of great hardship, in every way. Financially, emotionally, romantically, sexually, spiritually.
But I’ve always loved it, and can’t see myself doing much else.
Maybe a pancake bar on a beach, that’s always been a fantasy.

This Divine Body

From the ends of your toes to the tips of your fingers to the top of your head.
Your Divine Body.

There is a lifetime in your body, a lifetime of sensation, a lifetime of feelings, a lifetime of emotions.
Two, an egg, a sperm, came together to make one, you.
In this, your divine body.
There is no other like you, unique beauty in this skin.
Your skin holds you perfectly, surrounds you, gives you a home.

To make love with you, to make love to you, is to make love to all of you.
All of you, all of your divine body.

Yoni Massage and the Practice of Time

I was recently asked to teach a course on Yoni Massage for a group of practitioners.
This filled me with excitement for a few reasons.
The first is I love to teach, and I love to inspire others, and the more I’m able to inspire you, the more inspired I get, we all expand.
In this expansion, and in the teaching, in the creating of the course, in putting any workshop or retreat together, I learn. And when I learn I get more inspired to share. As I put a course together, even if it’s something I’ve been teaching for years, there are always new insights and understandings. Many of these come from the questions you ask, the discussions we have, and the practices, the practices, the practices. So much understanding emerges from the practices. This understanding allows the practice to expand.

One Manly Tear

I was watching an episode of Masterchef last week, the UK series. There was a man who had come pretty far in the competition and at one point, having got through to the next round, said that he had ‘Shed one manly tear at the emotion.’
One manly tear!
Fuck One Manly Tear!
Where are our hearts, where are our feelings, where are our voices, where are our tears?
Where are our sobs, gut wrenching, releasing all the pain we need to?

Mouth Massage

Our mouths are incredibly intimate, and they hold a key to some deep releasing, healing, intimacy, expansion and pleasure.

Over the past months I’ve been doing some work with the mouth and throat that has had a big impact on the journeys I share with you.

A while ago on a growth group I was facilitating I taught a practice of connecting with the mouth, creating an Intimacy with the mouth.

Deepening Into Love

For the past, it’s nearly two years now, I haven’t had a sexual partner, I haven’t had a lover, I haven’t had a relationship.
Not in the traditional sense.

This has been a time of going into myself, into my body, into my sensuality and sexuality.
It’s affirmed something I’ve known and taught for a long time.
Our love, our sexuality, our sensuality, our pleasure, is about us.

This Conscious Kiss

Kissing is one of the most intimate acts we can share with a partner, in fact there are times when kissing is more intimate than sex. Kissing brings us closer together than anything. Because kissing is so intimate, it also expresses our emotional state.

Kissing is the sharing of our essence. In the exchange of fluids and breath we mix ourselves with our lovers.

Sacred Yoni Massage

The sacred in me arises when I sit before you, when I look into your eyes.
The sacred in me arises when I kneel before you.
The sacred in me arises when I sit between your legs.
The sacred in me arises when I rest my hand on your heart.
The sacred in me arises when I rest my hand on your Yoni.
The sacred in me arises when I worship you.

My Orgasmic Gratitude

The energy of gratitude has such power.
It brings us into awareness, into presence.
It’s an element of intimacy.
It connects us to ourselves, to another, to life, to the world.
Gratitude heals.
There is a sense of wonder in gratitude, wonder for this life we live, for this breath we breathe, for what we feel, what we hear, what we see, what we smell, what we taste, what we feel, what we sense.
There is a wonder for this body, this heart.
There is a joy in gratitude, a joy being alive, vital, pulsating.

There’s a beautiful concept, and practice that I teach called Orgasmic Gratitude.

Coffee and a Kiss

It’s been a while since I’ve written a Coffee piece, it’s also been a while, a long while since I’ve written an erotic piece.

I remember, she said, I asked you this long ago, a little while after we’d met.
I asked you how you were going to kiss me the first time we kissed.

Our Sexual Connection

Most people who come and see me, looking for healing, as that’s where so many journeys into sensuality, into Conscious Sexuality, into Tantra begin, are looking for something.
They’re looking to connect with their sexuality.

Some of us have never had that connection, have never owned our sexuality, never been comfortable, deeply comfortable, in our sexuality.
Some of us have disconnected from it over time, through stress, through trauma, through unfulfilled experiences, unmet expectations, disappointment and so many other issues.

My Love is My Arousal

Conscious Pleasure Experiences have the amazing quality of being portals of learning, healing and growth. This is where we shift from having sex to making love. We shift from a goal-oriented experience, orgasm, to a heart-centered experience.
It’s driven by a model that has trapped men in a very narrow experience of sexuality.
It’s silent.
And it’s silence it’s become repressed, suppressed, disconnected.
It’s become angry and emotionless.
It’s a pattern of limitation, of contraction.

Changing the Lingam Pattern

For so many men the masculine expression of sexuality is hard.
It’s driving, it’s taking.
Its need based, released based.
It’s about size, performance.
It’s driven by a model that has trapped men in a very narrow experience of sexuality.
It’s silent.
And it’s silence it’s become repressed, suppressed, disconnected.
It’s become angry and emotionless.
It’s a pattern of limitation, of contraction.

The Massage High

A while ago after a deep massage exchange someone said that she feels high, trippy, spacey.
Just looking at her I could see that she was in an expanded state of consciousness. There was a glow of joy, of peace, a radiance that was palpable.

Over the years of doing and teaching massage, something has emerged that’s given me a different perspective on massage and touch.


It’s the beginning of the year so it’s a great time to introduce, and re-introduce myself to you.
There’s also a lot that’s new in my work which is another good reason.
But first, a digression, I love digressions.
The only thing that’s going to make this year different, regardless of what’s happening externally, is our own inner journeys of healing, growth, learning and experience. That’s it. There is so much more to be said about this, books have been written about, there are so many talks and videos, about it.
The simplicity of it is just that, it’s about our inner journey.

I’m For The Slow

I’m for the slow….
For in the slow we feel.
In the slow we savour.
In the slow is the subtle.
In the slow is presence.
In the slow is appreciation.
In the slow is awareness.
In the slow our hearts open.
In the slow our bodies open.
In the slow we come into awareness.
I’m for the slow…

Lessons in Sacred Sex 3

Slowly, she said to me, slowly.
Rest the head of your Lingam at the opening of my Yoni.
Be still, breathe.
Feel her open, feel her begin to invite you in, to welcome you.
This is the honoring of the temple.

Make Love with Your Hands, Make Love with Life

I talk about making love with life.
I talk about how when we hear the term ‘making love’ our thoughts go to our genitals, to sex.
I talk about how making love happens in so many ways, and our genitals and sex are just one aspect of that.
I talk about how when we live more from our Hearts, life becomes an expression of making love.
I also talk about Heart-Centered Sexuality, as being more of an expression of love, of making love, than sex.

G-Spot Holding

G-Spot Holding is a deep practice of healing and release.
It’s a practice of pleasure.
It’s a practice of feeling and sensation.
It’s a practice of intimacy and connection.
It’s a practice of energy.
It’s a practice of allowing.

Allowing in healing, as that’s where so many of our journeys begin, is important.
In allowing, the body, the wisdom within us, becomes the guide.

Coffee, Panettone and Expanded Orgasm

Coffee this afternoon is special, with one of my favorite things, Panettone, so deliciously sensual.
I am so glad we only get them for a short time in South Africa, at this time of the year.
Tonight’s workshop is also special, one of my favorites to teach. I enjoy everything I teach, Expanded Orgasm is always special as it was one of the first workshops I taught

Coffee of Loving and Longing

Coffee this afternoon is fascinating.
I’m sipping it slowly, savoring the taste, the aroma. I’m looking at the sky, the garden, the clouds. I love watching clouds. I’m listening to the birds, distant traffic.
I’ve written and deleted a few lines so many times.
It’s a delicate coffee, delicate of body, delicate of mind.

A Conscious Pleasure Experience

Coffee this afternoon is back home in Johannesburg.
There’s a rain shower, gentle rain, and I can see the sun shining in some parts of the sky, in the distance.
The sound of the raindrops falling on the different surfaces, the grass, the trees, the roof, the railings of the balcony, come together, separate.
My cup is nearly empty as I write this, something that’s been inside for a long time.

Giving Myself Away Over Coffee

Coffee this afternoon is back home in Johannesburg.
There’s a rain shower, gentle rain, and I can see the sun shining in some parts of the sky, in the distance.
The sound of the raindrops falling on the different surfaces, the grass, the trees, the roof, the railings of the balcony, come together, separate.
My cup is nearly empty as I write this, something that’s been inside for a long time.

This Sensual Moment of Oneness

On Saturday I was at The Oranjezicht Market in Cape Town.
There was a moment.
A moment of such deep sensuality that my heart swelled to having no edges that I could feel.
I was standing in one of the good areas.
Bob Dylan was coming over the sound system.
There was a carpet of voices.
There was the aroma of coffee.
There was the aroma of so many foods.
There were the colours of all the produce.
There were people, bodies.
There was the wind.
There was the sea.
I breathed it in and my heart expanded, expanded, expanded…
In a moment of sensuality. I was all those things, all those people, they were me.
Then the world came back, the boundaries of life settled back into place.

Coffee and an Offering

I’ve been thinking a lot, writing about love.
I’ve been deeper into love in myself.
And I’ve been thinking about making love.

There is often a question asked about the difference between having sex and making love.
During my yoga practice the other morning I was listening to my teacher’s voice about the Unlimited Posture.
So much about love came rushing in, particularly about the limitation we put on love.
Not only how little we allow ourselves to feel, which keeps us safe, because if you go too deep, well, everything is going to crack open.
But also the limitation on the context of love. Who we can share that with, how that needs to be.

Birthday Coffee and Love Unlimited

I’ve been aware of an expanding expression of love.
Seeds that were planted, some long ago, some more recently, coming into flower.
Deepening my Heart Breath practice, sitting more in my heart in healing, space, teaching space.

For so many of us love happens in a very specific context, in a very specific way. It happens between 2 people, and it happens with a whole lot of expectations, expressed or not, a whole lot of desires, hopes and wants, expressed or not.
Expressing love beyond this, other than to family, close friends, takes us into a deep story of patterning, conditioning, judgment and even fear.

The Heart Touch and a Rush Of Love

Over the past weeks some new practices have emerged in my work.
There’s been a mixing of massage and meditation, and a mouth massage, both of these have deepened healing and pleasure experiences enormously.
And then something else in the past week.
The only way I can describe it is a Rush of Love.

The Way of Gentleness

There are many ways to heal, to learn, to grow and to experience.
The path I’ve chosen is that of gentleness.
In gentleness we soften, we open.
We relax, we release.
We let go.
We can’t do that in tension, in contraction.
In gentleness we allow.
We connect to the wisdom within us, in our bodies, in our hearts.
We can hear, we can feel, the inner voice, the guidance.
We can move, literally and metaphorically, energetically, physically, emotionally, sexually, spiritually.

Holding Presence

One of the most intriguing aspects of this journey of teaching is the learning that keeps coming.
During a Water Flow Massage experience I had a beautiful opportunity to do this. I don’t often participate in the experience, and this week I allowed myself that gift. It brought an incredibly important element of the experience, and of touch and healing work to mind. There are so many elements of this work that from time to time we tend to forget some of them.
One of the simplest, and deepest, most powerful parts of touch is holding.
With presence.
And that’s the key.

Cold Coffee and the Facts

Last week I had coffee with my social media coach, Bronwynne. (By the way, she is fantastic, if you’re looking for help with social media, I’ll happily connect you.)
I showed her what I’d written as an introduction to the workshops, and I saw from the look on her face that it wasn’t…not not good, just flowery, poetic, round-about…
It made me think of a misquote by Dan Aykroyd from an old TV series, ‘Just the facts, ma’am, just the facts’.

Expanded Energy Orgasm

There is such power, such possibility in being relaxed, deeply relaxed, in pleasure.
The body opens, energy begins to flow.
From our sexual centre to the heart, and higher, spreading through the body.
A wave of sexual energy that releases so much that is blocked within us, within the tissues of our body.
A wave of sexual energy that fills us with gentle vitality.
A wave of sexual energy that fills us with gentle bliss.
A wave of sexual energy that melts us, expands us.

A Conscious Mouth

This idea arose from a place of deep pleasure, from a place of intimacy with my body, from a place of conscious connection and awareness with my body.
For so many of us the relationship we have with our bodies is, at best, functional.
I say at best as we’ve been conditioned not only out of our bodies and more into the mind, but also out of liking, accepting and loving our bodies.

An Embrace

There is one thing we all need at the moment.
All of us, wherever we are on the rainbow of life, in every way there can be.

One of the effects of the pandemic, and its own pandemic, is the disconnect, the isolation, the separation we’re experiencing.
The impact of this, on our bodies, our hearts, our minds, our energy, goes deep. It contracts us, contracts every aspect of our health and well-being, on every level of being human.

More than ever we need to be embraced.

Being A Good Lover Is…

There is a really interesting aspect of being a good lover that we don’t always connect with sex.

Almost everyone who shares a healing and growth with me at some point says that they’re amazed at how it has everything to do with sex and nothing to do with sex.
This is the same.

Sex doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It doesn’t take place in a separate space from the rest of our lives, and it definitely is connected to the rest of a relationship.
So much that sex is about isn’t in the bedroom.

Sexual Healing, Heart Healing

There is something that I have intrinsically known that has come to conscious awareness.
So many of our sexual issues are heart issues.
We heal them in the heart.
Yes they’re in our bodies, in our genitals.
Yes we need to do the healing, the release there.

The Curiosity of Love and Pleasure

There’s something I teach which is so important when it comes to pleasure, to sexuality, to sensuality, to growth.
It’s also such an important element in relationships.
There’s a progression, a journey that starts with curiosity.
Curiosity becomes interest.
Interest becomes fascination.
Fascination becomes wonder.
Wonder is the space of awe, of reverence.
This is the place of mystery, of spirit.
This is where we experience the knowing, the magic.

Breast and Heart Massage

Breast and Heart Massage is the space where healing, relaxation, acknowledgement, sensuality, arousal, love and nurturing meet.
It’s often an experience of deep emotion, bringing so much to awareness.

For many women breasts are symbolic of nurturing and nourishing, and for many women that’s mostly been in giving.
There’s deep patterning and conditioning around this.
You give, you nourish others, you nurture others.
You do so much to make others happy.
You do for others, often at the expense of yourself.

Tears of Beauty

I am in an incredible position, because of the work I do. I get to spend emotional time with men, vulnerable time with men.
And one of the most beautiful, one of the most powerful, one of the most touching elements in this space is the tears.
Men’s tears are amazing.
And so controlled, so repressed, so suppressed, so hidden.


The other day I was doing a clitoral massage. This was in the space of healing, of pleasure, of energy, of sensation.
In the moment something came to awareness in an emotional rush, deeper than ever before.
How incredibly mysterious, how incredibly magical, how incredibly fascinating, how incredibly beautiful a clitoris is!

Healing Through Pleasure

When we work with expansion we become open to different ways of doing this, different perspectives. We come to see the patterns that we’ve lived with, that keep us doing what we do, and we see how we can change these.
There are so many ways to do this, and the energy and practice of pleasure is a beautiful and powerful path for healing.

Feelings are in the body, sensation is in the body, tension is in the body, stress is in the body, contraction is in the body, release is in the body.

Healing The (Sexual) Body

The cornerstone of my healing work is patterns.
The patterns are in the body as well as in the mind.
And we can only change the body patterns in the body.
Thoughts, ideas, perspectives, are in the mind. Words and talking are in the mind. Thinking is in the mind.
The body patterns are deep, conditioned, subconscious.
Feelings are in the body, sensation is in the body, tension is in the body, stress is in the body, contraction is in the body, release is in the body.

Find Stillness

For most men sex is about doing.
Especially in the body.
Your body moves, especially your hips.
Moving, thrusting, rocking…
Find stillness.

The Intimacy of Healing

I love to teach.
I love to learn, and I love to share what I learn, to understand it, to see where it fits, what it connects to.
I’ve been listening to some great teachers over the past weeks and really been thinking about what I do, and what I don’t do.
I share deep journeys with people.
We go deep, and we take the time to go deep.
In this time an intimacy develops, a connection that allows for depth.
And I’ve come to see that intimacy is such an important element of healing and growth.

Quiet Lingam

Male sexuality has many different expressions, which sadly not many men get to understand and experience.
For most men sex is genitally, orgasm oriented, and this limits the experience men have of their sexuality, of the field of possibility.

Quiet Lingam is a very slow, very gentle experience.
It’s about a man surrendering to receive, in a way that frees him from performance, from pressure.

Coffee, Banana Bread and…

Coffee this afternoon is delicious, with home-made banana bread that my daughter made.
I’ve been a single parent since she was 4, we’re very close, a relationship that we’ve nurtured, grown and developed over time. We’ve been through a lot together, some great struggles, emotionally, financially, spiritually. We even did a radio show together, talking about what it was like growing up with me as a father.
She has been one of my greatest teachers.

Yoni Massage As Worship

Greet your lover as an expression of The Goddess.
Greet her with reverence, with humility.
Approach her as you would the Divine in a place of prayer.
Kneel before her.
Be open to serve her, to serve her body, serve her heart, serve her soul.

Women’s Day, Women’s Pleasure

Most of my work is with women, and for those who don’t know me, I’m a Conscious Sexuality Practitioner. I’m based in South Africa, and I work with women, and men and couples, around the world. For so many men in South Africa sexual healing and growth is still a place of stigma and disconnect.

Most people come to this journey looking for healing, which means many different things. We’re looking for connection with our bodies, connection with our pleasure, we’re looking for intimacy and connection.

Slow Subtle Super Sex

Yesterday’s coffee was a cortado.
The easiest way to explain a cortado is an intense cappuccino.
And delicious cakes, and even more delicious friends.

And what, you may ask, has that do with Slow Subtle Super S&x?

Here’s the everything.
Sex is life, life is sex. The way we have sex is the way we live life. The way we live is the way we have sex.

Friday Afternoon Coffee

Friday afternoon coffee in the delicious sun, and I’m thinking about the week.
It’s been a roller-coaster.
Waking up a few mornings with an incredible bleakness. The image was of a vast concrete plain, grey sky, cold, empty. Bleak.
Allowing that to sit inside of me. Feeling it in my bones. It’s not connected to anything that’s happening, beyond the state of the world at the moment. Feeling it, and savoring it. Tasting it as metallic on my tongue. Hearing the absence of sound in it. And it rolls somewhere inside as the day begins.

Conscious Sensual Massage

I love women.
Most of my work is with women. And I must say that I love working with men, and I get so excited, I celebrate when men come to heal, to learn, to grow.
I have been so fortunate to have spent so much time with women. So much of that has been doing massage and bodywork in different ways. Conscious Sensual Massage, Taoist Massage, Kashmiri Massage, Yoni Massage etc.