Yoni Massage As Worship
Greet your lover as an expression of The Goddess.
Greet her with reverence, with humility.
Approach her as you would the Divine in a place of prayer.
Kneel before her.
Be open to serve her, to serve her body, serve her heart, serve her soul.
Women’s Day, Women’s Pleasure
Most of my work is with women, and for those who don’t know me, I’m a Conscious Sexuality Practitioner. I’m based in South Africa, and I work with women, and men and couples, around the world. For so many men in South Africa sexual healing and growth is still a place of stigma and disconnect.
Most people come to this journey looking for healing, which means many different things. We’re looking for connection with our bodies, connection with our pleasure, we’re looking for intimacy and connection.
Slow Subtle Super Sex
Yesterday’s coffee was a cortado.
The easiest way to explain a cortado is an intense cappuccino.
And delicious cakes, and even more delicious friends.
And what, you may ask, has that do with Slow Subtle Super S&x?
Everything.
Here’s the everything.
Sex is life, life is sex. The way we have sex is the way we live life. The way we live is the way we have sex.
Friday Afternoon Coffee
Friday afternoon coffee in the delicious sun, and I’m thinking about the week.
It’s been a roller-coaster.
Waking up a few mornings with an incredible bleakness. The image was of a vast concrete plain, grey sky, cold, empty. Bleak.
Allowing that to sit inside of me. Feeling it in my bones. It’s not connected to anything that’s happening, beyond the state of the world at the moment. Feeling it, and savoring it. Tasting it as metallic on my tongue. Hearing the absence of sound in it. And it rolls somewhere inside as the day begins.
Conscious Sensual Massage
I love women.
Most of my work is with women. And I must say that I love working with men, and I get so excited, I celebrate when men come to heal, to learn, to grow.
I have been so fortunate to have spent so much time with women. So much of that has been doing massage and bodywork in different ways. Conscious Sensual Massage, Taoist Massage, Kashmiri Massage, Yoni Massage etc.
#se
Looking for Intimacy
I have had some incredibly painful, sad and deep conversations over the past few weeks. These have been with men and women, single people and couples.
So much of it comes to this.
We’re looking for, wanting, craving, intimacy.
And so much that comes from intimacy.
Connection, tenderness, fulfillment, belonging, understanding…
Conscious Sensual Coffee
I’m sitting in the afternoon sun with coffee It’s been cold for a few days in Johannesburg, this is the first afternoon that it’s warm enough to sit outside.
Coffee is an important part of my life, the aroma, the taste, the changing taste through the cup.
It’s a sensual moment for me.
And it makes me think of how our sensuality can be an amazing pathway to being more conscious, more present.
The Feast of Your Body
I love food, I love to cook, and I love to eat.
There is such sensuality in food, and coffee, in every way, texture, taste, smell, the way things look.
I also enjoy watching food programmes. A few nights back I was watching an old season of MasterChef and a judge on one of the challenges said something that I don’t think he quite realised what he was saying.
‘Somehow we all taste delicious’.
Oh yes we do!
The Intimate Ritual of Oral Pleasure
It’s Wednesday afternoon I Johannesburg as I write this. I’m sitting outside in the winter sun, the wind is picking up, a cold front is on the way. I’ve just made coffee, which I’m sipping slowly, savoring.
I put my face up to the sun and savour its warmth on my skin, it’s a sensation, as if it’s caressing me, carried by the wind.
Savoring this moment in so many ways.
I’ve been doing some work with Maya Luna, and I’ve loved learning the practice of savoring.
I’m teaching a webinar tomorrow night on Oral Sex, and there’s something about that I’ve wanted to share for a while. Something I’ve started writing a few times that hasn’t been quite there.
The First Step
I get a lot of calls, message, emails, from people with sexual issues.
A lot happens before people make these contacts. A lot of internal twisting and turning.
It’s a difficult thing to do. It’s incredibly vulnerable, exposing and revealing.
I acknowledge you, every man, every woman, every couple, who does this. As open as we think we are, acknowledging a sexual or relationship problem is a hard thing to do.
I’ve been working in the field of Conscious Sexuality for over 20 years, and I’ve learned a few things from these situations.
Teaching Massage Online
For a long time I have resisted teaching massage online.
Firstly I held the belief that it has to be in the same space to get the subtlety and nuance. There’s a transmission of a feeling, of an energy, that happens in the workshop space. It’s about touch, and touch needs you to be there.
Then I had the belief that it was complicated. I needed a camera person to show close-up so you’d get the detail, and so much of what I teach, the way I teach it, the detail is important.
And a few other thoughts that just kept making this difficult and complicated.
A few things happened over the past weeks to change this.
A Tender Moment
I’ve had a lot of conversations with people in the past weeks.
People in relationships and single people.
Mostly people who are dealing with issues and problems, some struggling deeply, some hurting, and some people searching.
What’s been fascinating is something has emerged that so many people are looking for, desiring, craving, hungering for.
Tenderness.
Exploring Sexual Healing
There is much of our world that has taken what is sacred and made it dirty.
There is much of our world that has taken what is light and made it dark.
There is much of our world that has taken what is powerful and made it weak.
There is much of our world that has taken what is sacred and despoiled it.
There was a time when we knew the power of sexuality.
Exploring Healing
Many people come to a sexual journey looking for healing.
There’s a problem, an issue, a blockage,a pain, a hurt.
That’s where so many journeys begin.
A lot of my work happens in this space, or that’s where it starts anyway.
I’ve been thinking a lot during this lockdown of what healing is.
When we say we’re looking for healing what does that mean?
For many people it means that we need to fix something.
We Need Touch
We need to touch, and we need to be touched.
We need to hold, and we need to be held.
We need to pleasure, and we need to be pleasured.
These are needs.
Not wants or desires.
Needs.
The Love of Desire
I’ve shared with you that over the past year I haven’t had a sexual encounter with another.
For someone who has had a rich and full erotic life this has been really interesting.
For someone who has connected deeply through sex this has been really interesting.
It’s taken me deep into myself, into my body, my mind, my heart.
And deep into my desire.
In Service to The Heart Touch
I have been doing and teaching massage and touch for almost 30 years. The past 20 plus years in the field of Conscious Sexuality, Kashmiri Pleasure Massage, Yoni Massage, Taoist Massage, Lingam Massage, Energy Massage, Sensual Awakening Massage, Anal Massage and more.
Over the past months of lockdown, and in South Africa it’s been strict, I haven’t been able to touch.
This has brought its own gifts, in looking at new ways to share, which has brought about the weekly webinars and Sensual Saturday Nights, which I’ve loved.
It’s also given me time to reflect on touch, on how I do what I do, what the possibilities of this are, where it can expand to.
I’ve always said that there is no limit to pleasure, no limit to touch.
And I look forward, soon, to be able to share what I’ve learned with you.
The Conscious Cock
The Conscious C**k is an expression of the heart.
It is a c**k of service, of worship.
He has gone through and beyond performance.
He has gone through and beyond need.
He has gone through and beyond hunger.
He has gone through and beyond gormandizing.
He has gone through and beyond anger.
He has gone through and beyond hiding.
He has gone through and beyond darkness.
He has gone through and beyond fear.
He has gone through and beyond conquering.
He has gone through and beyond inhibition.
He has gone through and beyond shame.
Devotion
More than a year ago my lover said to me that she thought devotion might be more important than love.
We’re not together anymore, and that line has stayed in my head.
I’ve come back to it time and time again.
I understood it in my mind.
In the past few weeks it’s landed in me.
Landed in my heart, in my body, in my being.
Friction Sex, Energy Sex
Most people have what we call friction sex. It’s friction, simply.
One body part rubbing against another.
It creates friction.
(And as I write that something I’ve never quite seen before comes to me, I’ll share it a little further down in the piece.)
For most people the goal of friction sex is orgasm, hopefully for both, or all partners.
Even on our own we have friction sex, masturbating to orgasm.
It’s about the release that that kind of orgasm brings.
It’s something we ‘achieve’, make happen.
A Soft Cock Conversation
So much of the power of a cock is in its hardness, in its heat.
In its ability to penetrate, to open, to spread.
So much of its power, and so much of its pleasure.
This power, consciously expressed, as an extension of the heart, holds the space for surrender.
As much as it’s about penetration and opening, it’s about being invited, welcomed.
There’s a dance in this, we move together, advancing and retreating, twirling, swirling in the energy.
This is one expression of the masculine.
My Nurtured Cock
There is a practice that I teach in workshops and on healing journeys.
It’s a practice of creating a conscious relationship with your genitals. The relationship most of us have with our genitals is, at best, at best, functional. Which means that we’re concerned that everything works.
I sat at best, because the relationship most of us have is one of disconnect and judgment.
Exploring The Erotic Spirit
I was preparing for the webinar I have coming up on Thurs, Exploring the Erotic Spirit, with a smile inside.
It’s based on a workshop I teach called Awakening the Erotic Spirit. For a while I’ve been thinking about how to do that online, and realised in that format I don’t think it’ll work, so I was inspired to do it, with a twist.
The smile was that it’s a workshop that has such a special place inside of me, I developed it for a lover who was looking for something special to do on her birthday. Since then it’s always been one of my favourite things to share.
Yoni Healing Massage Pt 3
Within our bodies is the most incredible wisdom.
It’s so incredible, it’s Divine.
This body, within us, has all we need to heal, to learn, to grow, to release.
This body is sacred space, our temple.
Going deep into healing, into connecting, into intimacy is a journey to knowing that, seeing that, feeling that, living that.
It’s a subtle journey, and so often the subtle is the doorway to the divine.
The Mystical Dance of Pleasure
There is a mystical dance of movement and stillness.
It is the dance of the cosmos.
It is the dance of life.
It’s in our breath, it’s in our body.
It’s in the beat of our heart.
It’s in the oceans tide.
The stillness gives birth to the movement, the movement comes to rest in the stillness.
Where Are We, In Love?
I’ve been thinking a lot about what is, what is happening in our world.
I don’t know.
I don’t know what’s true, what’s real.
Not a lot makes sense.
I do know this.
Our world is an expression of energy.
In this field of energy are limitless possibilities, limitless ways for life to express itself.
And limitless ways for us to be.
Loving A Woman
I love women.
I love loving women.
There are many elements in loving a woman, one of them is loving loving a woman.
Loving to love her.
Loving to honour her.
Loving to revere her.
A Lesson in Sensual Touch
These are my hands.
For over 30 years they’ve been doing and teaching massage in many different ways.
For the past 20 years they’ve specialized in sensual massage, sexual massage, pleasure massage, sexual energy massage, Yoni Massage, Lingam massage, sexual healing massage.
When we are able to move around again one of the most important things we can do is be touched.
Our Sexual Yes and No
I talk about that one of the reasons I do what I do is that it allows me to express so much of myself in so many ways.
The same goes for learning.
I learn from teaching, from the sessions we share, which at the moment are all online, and the webinars we’ve been sharing.
The Way We Make Love Is The Way We Live
The way we make love is the way we live our lives.
If sex is all about the goal, the orgasm, if it’s all about chasing that, making it happen, so life will be like that.
If sex is about taking.
If sex is about using.
If sex is about withholds.
If sex is based in fear and judgment and shame.
Better Sex, Different Sex
I was thinking about something I get asked a lot.
How do we have better sex?
It’s something so many people talk about, and it’s something so many programmes and courses offer.
Better Sex.
What I was thinking about was this.
What is better sex?
And I realised that maybe the question we should be asking is how do we have different sex?
Sharing The Erotic
My journey into this world of what I came to call Conscious Sexuality began with massage.
There’s a beautiful journey of exploration that goes from curiosity to interest, interest to fascination, fascination to wonder, wonder to awe.
When we get to this, awe, we see the Divine in the body, in all that it can do, in the way it looks, smells, tastes, hears, sees, and feels.
Endless, unlimited.
A journey of discovery that takes us deeper and deeper, layers that reveal layers that reveal layers.
Be A Better Lover
I know that many people are struggling, and I know that many relationships are taking strain.
I know that there is so much uncertainty, so much confusion
I know that there is so much fear.
I know that there is so much news, fake news, myths, misinformation, misunderstanding, theories, conspiracy theories.
I know that it’s hard to know what’s true.
The Mystery of Yoni Gazing
I love women, I worship Yoni.
There is something I have learned about mystery.
There’s an inner knowing, an understanding that goes beyond words.
It’s nameless.
It has no limits.
There is an intimacy with mystery, with the mystery that draws you, and it’s different for each of us.
And when it draws you, when it reaches into you, into your body, into your heart, into your very soul, when it sings a song that something indefinable inside of you knows, you listen.
In Yoni I see beauty beyond words.
These Are My Hands
Everyone has gifts and talents, one of mine is touch.
These are my hands, and they are missing touching.
So much of my work, and my teaching is with touch.
I have been exploring, learning, teaching, giving, receiving, sharing touch for over 30 years.
In this time I have developed a deep and wonder-full appreciation of the body, that continues to grow.
Appreciation for your skin, for the texture, for the shape, for the energy, for your muscles, your bones, your joints, for the curves, the valleys, the planes, for what’s beneath your skin, for what you feel, inside and out.
Riding the Orgasmic Waves
When I started teaching, a long time ago, one of the first workshops I taught was Expanded Orgasm.
It’s still one of my most popular workshops.
Now I call it Expanded Orgasmic Wave, as my understanding of it has expanded and changed.
It’s also one of the most important workshops.
What does that mean, an important workshop, what makes it important?
Beautiful Woman
I love women, I worship Yoni.
I’ve spent a great deal of my adult life, personally and professionally exploring pleasure, how to share pleasure with women, in so many ways.
Most of the people I work with are women, most of the people who come to the workshops, retreats and events are women.
I love working with men, and I celebrate every time a man comes to do his work, to heal, to learn, to grow.
So many of my teachers, personally, in relationship, and professionally, have been women.
The Healing is in The Connection
The relationship many of us have with our bodies, is at best, functional.
The relationship many of us have with our genitals, is at best, AT BEST, functional.
The relationship many of us have with our sexuality, is at best, functional.
We’re concerned that everything works.
That’s all.
What Do I want Sexually?
One of the main reasons I do what I do is that it allows me to express so many parts of myself in so many different ways.
It’s been a long journey to get to this place.
A long time ago I read a book called The Way To Love by Anthony DeMello. There was a piece in the book that impacted me deeply. It was about selfishness. We’ve been brought up with the idea that selfish is bad. We get something from everything we do, no matter how altruist or giving, no matter how manipulative we may be.
The Last Sexuality Workshop
On Monday night I taught the last face-to-face workshop for a while.
The workshops continue online.
Before I talk about, rather, write about the workshop, I would like to thank you for your comments, likes and shares of the pieces I write and share.
It touches me that they’re touching and helping you at the moment.
At this time we choose a place and a way where we are in the world, how we’d like to show up.
Erotic Gratitude
These are intense times, with intense energies at the moment.
In this are amazing possibilities of healing, growth, change, learning, expanding.
And one of the most powerful energies we can engage with at the moment is gratitude.
There is such power in this energy, it literally can be life-changing when we feel it and express it in all that we do.
And one of the ways we can do this is through our eroticism.
The Choices We Make
When I created the logo and slogan for ErosLife I wanted it to represent a Path of Pleasure; A Path of Possibility.
Possibility for me is about choice, about awareness.
It’s about moving from auto-pilot to consciousness.
Brice Lipton talks about us only being conscious for about 5% of the day. So if we’re awake for around 16 hrs, it means we’re spending the smallest amount of that time actually choosing to really engage.
And at the moment we’re being called on to make choices.
Make Love
The past few weeks have been a time of an inner shift for me, a shift in perception, how I see things, life, healing, us, what we do, how we do.
It’s been an intense time, physically, mentally, emotionally, energetically.
And I’d usually add sexually to that, but it’s been a year since I’ve had a sexual encounter with another. That alone has taken me deep into myself, into so many parts of myself, with deep learning and understanding.
Men Receiving
At the Expanded Orgasm Workshop I taught this week there were some really interesting questions asked, and some deep understandings shared.
Before I share one of these, I’d like to share this.
One of the reasons that I teach is that it’s a space for me to learn. I learn through the questions that are asked, I learn through the understanding people each, I learn through what they share, the perspectives they bring and I learn through the talking.
The extension of this is that one of the reasons I do what I do, teaching, helping in the field of Conscious Sexuality, is that it allows me to express so much of myself in so many ways. I don’t know anything else that holds this space for me.
Conscious Sexuality
Last week I wrote and shared an article about the way we have sex.
Someone posted a comment, ‘Soooooo let me get this straight you put more expanded CONSCIOUSNESS in to sex…. hmmmm.’
I thank you for this, I thank everyone for all the comments, likes and shares.
I thank you for this and the opportunity it brings to share some thoughts with you.
The Way That We Have Sex
The way that we have sex is the way that we live.
In patterns.
In sexual terms what that means is that we do what we do, we follow our pattern.
We kiss in the same way, we touch in the same way, we do the same things in the same way.
Our partner does the same.
We do what we do, they do what they do.
We do it together, we take turns.
But it’s our pattern.
Multiple-Partner Logistics
I was having a conversation with someone the other day, and multi-partner experiences came up, as they do in some people’s lives.
I said that I thought orgies were hard work, and not always a lot of fun.
Essentially there’s a big difference between the fantasy of these experiences and the reality.
In my work as a Conscious Sexuality Practitioner, I’ve had discussions with many people before and after these experiences.
Yoni Holding For Healing
I’ve been working in the field of sexual healing for almost 20 years, most of the people I work with are women.
For so many women the tissues of the yoni hold tension, emotional blockages, patterns and hurt.
This manifests in so many ways from not being able to have orgasms, to painful sex, to having a low sexual energy, to disconnect from their sexuality, their bodies, their genitals and more.
Expanded Orgasm Workshop
‘ve always said that this was ‘an important workshop’, and I was thinking earlier about what that really means.
What makes it important is that it expands, haha, the perception we have on pleasure.
Permission for Pleasure
There’s something I talk about a lot, it comes up a lot in the healing journeys I share with people, on talks and workshops, and it comes up a lot in interviews.
In essence it’s that we get no, or very little education for pleasure. The extension of this is education for relationships and for love.
There’s something I hear a lot, especially from young people whose relationships are floating along, sometimes happily, sometimes peacefully, sometimes unaware of the fact that just below the surface of the water deep and dangerous currents lurk, rocks and all sorts of obstacles are there. What they say, and not so young people as well, ‘I thought love was enough’.
