May is traditionally known as Mast*******n Month, which brings so many possibilities to awareness.
Possibilities of pleasure, of sexual energy, of self-love, exploration, growth, healing and intimacy.
For a long time I’ve spoken about the difference between mast*******n and self – pleasure.
And the reason I’m using *** is that I was once blocked on FB for writing about, you know what…
At almost every workshop I talk about creating a sensual space for experiences, for connection, for pleasure, for deep communication, for ritual etc.
I talk about the elements of this space, being warm, music, candles, maybe incense, flowers, shells, crystals, whatever it is that’s important to you.
I talk about how preparing the space, whether it’s simple or ornate, is the beginning of coming to the experience with a deeper awareness, more presence.
There are many different expressions of Yoni Massage that I offer and teach.
There’s Quiet Yoni, a deep, slow, gentle meditation of touch. There’s The Fire Massage, building sexual energy to a heightened state of pleasure, often an explosive orgasm. There are the different healing massages. There’s Expanded Orgasm, moving sexual energy in waves of pleasure throughout the body for a deep experience. There’s Heart Yoni, connecting heart and sexual energy.
The context of the massage allows some beautiful and powerful things to happen.
There is a deep practice of Lingam Healing, male healing, heart healing.
It’s a practice of presence.
It’s a slow practice, it has very little movement.
It’s a practice of time, in two ways, the time it takes each time, and the time it takes for a man to relax into it, to receive it.
And then there’s the time it takes for the person doing the practice to be present for longer. Which makes it a meditation, an unlearning, a learning, an inner journey.
I was thinking about making love, and some interesting things came to awareness.
Often in workshops and discussions there’s a question that comes up, which is What’s the difference between having sex and making love.
Is it just semantics or is something there?
Something is definitely there.
I talk about sex as a goal-oriented genital activity. The goal being orgasm.
If we break this down, firstly, there’s the goal. This becomes the focus, and everything we do is about reaching the goal, making it happen, for you, for me, for both of us. When this is our focus we move into a space of performance, of pressure. We’re not present in our bodies, in our feelings, in sensation. We’re in whatever thoughts, fantasies, we need to get there, wherever there is, which is not here.
In this we’re actually having sex for the end, for the ending.
For many of us pleasure is way down the list of what’s important.
And I’m not talking about sex and orgasm.
I’m talking about pleasure, the energy that vibrates in every cell in our bodies. The energy of life-force. The energy of creativity. The energy of Divine life. The energy of intimacy with ourselves. The energy of love.
An expanded state of being.
An open heart.
In the body, deep in the body.
Pulsating with desire.
Sex is easy, orgasms for many of us, easy.
Pleasure is something else.
In a few weeks, less than 2 in fact, I’m teaching a series of workshops in Ireland that we’ve called The Body of Possibility.
And that’s what they’re about, the possibility that’s in our bodies.
Possibilities for healing, for connection, for intimacy, for sensation, for feeling, for growth, for learning, for experience, for knowing, for presence, for awareness.
And for love.
In the body.
There’s a line in Tantric text that says First the learning is in the body, then the eyes, then the words.
Last week was Coffee and Cunnilingus Day, which came about in response to Steak and Blow-Job Day, which came about in response to Valentine’s Day.
Makes me wonder what’s next.
I write a Coffee Blog, shorter pieces, often very personal. I wrote one for this, Coffee, Hot Cross Buns and Cunnilingus, which had a fabulous response, and led to some beautiful, interesting conversations, some with deep pain and the possibility of healing.
From this my mind wandered over many aspects of this beautiful, delicious, intimate, arousing, worshipful experience.
And from this I’d like to share some aspects of this with you.
I had some deep and serious stuff to share with you today, and then I had a conversation with someone yesterday that changed it.
Here’s what it brought to mind.
We take sex seriously, and in the world’s of Neo-Tantra and Conscious Sexuality we take it seriously.
We have to breathe in the right way, we have to be in the right positions, we have to make the right noises, we have to move the energy, we have to have many orgasms, or none.
We have to do it right.
For so long I’ve stayed away from the term Tantric Massage.
Mostly because of the sexual connotation that so many people bring to it.
I get so many requests from people who want to learn Tantric Massage. And my first question to them is What do you think it is? And almost all of them talk about something connected to Yoni/Lingam/Genital/Orgasm.
And that’s the connection most people have with the massage.
There is more.
So Much More!
There’s a lot of stuff around at the moment about being a good lover.
And lots of people, men and women, want to learn how to be a good lover.
And there are so many courses offering so many sexual skills.
And a lot of them have valuable information for us. Learning about our bodies, our partner’s bodies, anatomy is important.
Learning about where the pleasure spots are is important.
Learning about how to touch, lick, kiss, suck and more is important.
Learning how to breathe is important.
Learning how to communicate is important.
There is a moment, a Divine Erotic Moment.
A Conscious Erotic Moment.
It could be with my face in your neck, breathing your scent in, feeling the soft warmth of the curve there.
It could be with my hand wrapped in your hair, pulling your head back, opening your throat to my mouth.
It could be the rope you’re trailing over my body and the exquisite sensation of aliveness on my skin.
It could be with my teeth in the flesh of your shoulder, the fire in my body, in my mouth.
It could be my mouth close to your ear, and the words I whisper.
It could be our eyes, what we see in the moment of gazing, what we see as we travel the curves of our bodies.
It could be the silence of a moment.
There is a sensuality of men, between men, that few of us get to experience.
It is rich in gifts, deep, vast.
Gifts of support, of connection, of intimacy.
Gifts of the body, gifts of the heart.
One of the events I offer is an experience I created called Water Flow Massage.
It happens in an indoor heated pool where the water encompasses us like a womb of safety, sensation and feeling.
It’s a touch experience, with a lot of holding, gentle movement, and stillness.
It’s designed to be deeply relaxing, connected, intimate, soft and opening.
Some of the practices you do on your own, some with a partner, and some in a group.
There are moments of Erotic experience, moments of deep pleasure, moments of sexual energy, moments of intimacy, moments of the heart, moments of the body, that have no words.
They’re sacred moments, moments of an open heart.
Moments that show how vast the space of the heart is.
Moments that arise from deep within us.
Moments of eyes, of breath, of touch.
That are changing the way I work, and the experiences I share, and will soon start teaching.
For a long time I’ve been working with the connection between our genitals and throat. For many of us this begins as healing, releasing, opening.
We hold so much there, so many unsaid things, so much tension, contraction.
So many times we didn’t ask for what we want, not only in sex but in all of life. So many times we held ourselves back from saying what we needed to. So many times we were taught not to express certain emotions. So many times we didn’t have the courage to use our voice. So many times there was fear around speaking our truth. So many times we said yes when we meant no, no when we meant yes.
So many times all of that was me.