‘Don’t go straight for the clit.’
If we learn a little about sexual, and oral pleasure, and more specifically, Kissing a Yoni, it’s one of the first pieces of advice in so many lessons and talks and tutorials.
And generally it’s a great piece of learning.
I’d like to share something with you that can change that, and it needs to be in a context.
There’s a beautiful concept of The Sexual Fire.
And when we take time to build the fire it can become an inferno, of sensation, of feeling, energy and passion.
And that’s the key.
Taking the time, particularly for women, to grow the fire.
And here’s something interesting, a different take on the way we start the fire.
Start it hot.
Your Yoni or your Lingam deserve more.
They deserve more than simply being rubbed, by ourselves, mostly hard and fast to the orgasm of release.
Your Yoni/Lingam deserve more than simply penetrating, being penetrated, to the friction, to the orgasm of release.
I’d like to share something with you about Cervical Sex and Cervical Orgasms.
It’s a different realm of sex, of pleasure, of energy.
It’s a heart experience, a body experience, an energy experience.
It’s a vibration, a pulsation, that can be subtle and can be strong.
It’s deep, deep in the body, deep in the Yoni, as deep as you can go.
And it’s emotionally deep, energetically deep.
I have been practicing and teaching Yoni Massage for over 20 years, for healing, for pleasure, as an energy experience, a body experience, a heart experience and a spiritual experience.
Sometimes, more times than not, these all merge together in one experience.
They’re not separate, as we often think.
One leads to another, opens the door for another, has the seed of another within us.
So much of my work is with people, one-on-one.
I love this space as so much learning happens, for me.
And one of the things I value about it as when issues come up they often come in waves, similar things that people are looking at, which allows for an exploration, a discovery, a journey into the topic from different perspectives.
One of the things that’s come up a lot recently, it’s not new, and has touched so many of us over time, is deservability, worthiness.
A few days ago my lover asked me a beautiful question, Do you want to continue making love?
Our lovemaking had started hours ago, there were orgasms, and in between we’d been out, we’d done some shopping, we’d done some work.
And here was this delicious question.
It’s been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul.
They may be that, and they’re also the windows to so much more.
Eye Gazing has become almost an obligatory practice on most sensuality, sexuality and intimacy workshops.
We can approach it as a ‘Here we go again, let’s do this so we get to the good stuff, the juicy stuff’, or it can be a world in itself.
And it has so much for us, and in our lives, in our relationships and in pleasure.
And at the end of this piece I’m going to share with you how this can deepen and expand a sexual experience into amazing intimacy and energy.
Last night at Biodanza my friend Christos said something which resonated deeply me with regards to sex, to sensuality, to pleasure, and of course, to life.
Why of course to life?
Because these things are all the same, they’re not separate from life, they are life.
And I’m going to come back to this.
Here’s what he said, and I’m paraphrasing slightly.
The dance is the purpose.
So often in life we do things for other things.
We meditate for other things, to be calmer, to feel more connected, whatever it is that we get from it.
We exercise for other things.
So much is in preparation for something else.
When you sit before another
And look into their eyes
When you breathe into your heart
And feel the love that dwells there
When you touch another with that love
With wonder, with curiosity
With a sense of the sacred
You’re in the presence of the Divine
She asked me how I knew I loved her.
Which, if you explore Consciousness, even a little, becomes a fascinating question.
In fact, many questions.
Who is the I in the question, and what do we actually really know, beyond our perception?
I thought for a moment, I felt for a moment.
I looked into her eyes and said, I don’t.
I don’t know.
Here’s what I do know.
If you’re going to be a man with a c***, can you learn of the connection between your heart and c***?
If you’re going to be a man with a c***, can you learn of the sacred expression of pleasure as a man of the earth?
If you’re going to be a man with a c***, can you learn about the energy that comes from flowing in pleasure rather than simply ejaculating?
If you’re going to be a man with a c****, can you learn of the ways to pleasure a woman, as a God would?
There is something that can change your relationship, deeply, simply, powerfully.
It can enhance the intimacy and connection you feel.
It can open doors to a heightened expression of love.
And it can be a way to awareness, in all of life.
I started this piece in a way that I’ve started many similar pieces.
I work with a lot of men who struggle with early ejaculation and erection problems.’
I stopped, looked at the words, and some interesting things came to awareness.
The first awareness was the word struggle.
I’ve used it lots, and realize the limitation of the word. The contraction and resistance.
There’s a deep link between language and reality. And there’s a deep link between our inner and outer worlds.
And when it comes to healing, when there’s a struggle, when there’s something to overcome, especially in this context, it creates hardness and resistance.
‘I am coming to know and accept my Yoni. There’s a conversation that’s happening, a connection that I feel more and more.’
It’s a simple statement, and it means so much.
The relationship many of us have with our bodies, and more specifically our genitals, is at best functional.
And when we have that kind of relationship with the pleasure centres in our body, it’s difficult to have experiences of deeper, higher pleasure and fulfilment.
So many of us are looking for deeper pleasure, for fulfilment.
Some of us, many of us, think it’s in the techniques of sex, learning more, and that’s important. Particularly as we get very little education for pleasure, very little about our bodies, about out partner’s bodies.
A brief digression about this. There was a TikTok video around where someone stops random men and asks them to point to the clitoris on a diagram. Very few of them did.
The learning is vital.
And what’s really important is to put the learning in a context. Without this it’s simply technique. And technique on its own means we see everything the same. In sexuality it means that every man, every woman, every body is the same. And the expectation is that the same thing works for everyone, all the time, every day.
We are a society obsessed with measuring.
Everything we possibly can, we measure.
And in the measure comes a judgment.
There’s a constant comparison in measurement, and a constant insecurity.
There can be little fulfillment, or peace, happiness, as long as we are measuring.
I was looking through some pictures from various massage shoots I’ve done over the years, we’ve used one here for this piece.
It took me on an inner journey of memory, and as some new ideas are saying, only about half our memories are true, then it’s a great story as well.
My journey started with massage, a very general course of something that was called Swedish Massage.
This expanded into sports and therapeutic massage, Shiatsu, Stress Massage.
And then a turn into energy, sensuality, sexuality, eroticism, spirituality.
This was, and still is, expressed in Taoist Sexual Energy Massage, Kashmiri Massage, Tantra Massage, Conscious Sensual Energy Massage, Yoni Massage, Lingam Massage, Breast Massage, Water Flow Massage, Perineal Massage, Anal Massage, Sensual Bondage Massage, Massage Dance and more.
I’ve spent over 25 years learning, exploring and more than ever, developing and expanding these experiences.
There are so many ways for us to make love.
Not that we really make love anyway, for love is there always, waiting for us to reveal itself to us.
And when we hear the phrase ‘making love’, we generally think about sex.
But can our sex be so open that it opens us to love. Can our bodies, our hearts, our eyes, our mouths be so open, that love steps forward from the place deep inside of us where she sits to fill us with her pulsation. Can our sex be the portal that opens us to the love that bathes us as we rest together. Can our sex open us.
Being willing to step out of the pattern, being willing to step out of the conditioning, being willing to step out of the expectation, something emerges.
Being willing to ask, What else is here.
Being willing to dance with possibility.
Being willing to dance my hands on your body, something emerges.
Most of us have sex for the end of sex, which is pretty interesting, and pretty limited.
It’s the end that we’re chasing.
And almost everything we do is about getting there.
And because we’re so focused on there, we tend to not really notice what’s here.
There is a great risk in deep pleasure, in allowing ourselves to go to that place.
The place where we become one with another.
The place where we become one with life.
The place where we feel the Divine within us.
And in time, where we live as Divine.
I was thinking about a Pleasure Practice.
I was thinking that we have all kinds of practices, health practices, spiritual practices etc.
But what about a Pleasure Practice, a Sexuality Practice, an Intimacy Practice, a Sexual Energy Practice, an Erotic Practice.
We often engage with this part of ourselves only during sex, with ourselves or with another.
We’re often only sexual beings when we’re having sex, when we’re in a relationship.
Instead of understanding that we’re sexual beings, sensual beings, pleasure beings, intimate beings, all of the time.
And like every other part of life it’s important to nurture, to nourish, to explore, to develop our sexual selves, our erotic selves.
To engage with this energy consciously, regularly, and not only in a sexual context, a genital context.
I write a lot, I teach a lot about worship.
Yoni Worship, Lingam worship.
Touch and massage as a form of worship.
Touch as a sacred expression.
Worship of your lover, in pleasure, in breath, in their eyes, in your words.
It is my desire to worship my lover, in so many ways.
To serve her, to give to her, in love, in pleasure, in possibility.