The Making of an Erotic Massage Therapist Pt 10




There’s a fascinating thing about expectation in the erotic context.

This extends beyond massage into all sensual, sexual and erotic experiences.


In a previous piece in this series I wrote about being involved in an adult fantasy club at the beginning of my journey. This gave me an amazing opportunity to do so many massages and learn so much.


The focus of these massages was orgasm.

How many orgasms, how big, how intense, could I make you come?

The focus, in that environment was orgasms.

That creates an expectation.

From both of us, giver and receiver, regardless of the context. Which means whether it’s in a professional setting or a relationship.

And the expectation I’m talking about here is your response. Your response to what I’m doing to you.

For most people this expectation is not conscious, not spoken of.

And if we’re not aware of it, giver and receiver, regardless of the context, it’s going to lead to experiences that are not fulfilling, not satisfying, and even more than that, it’s going to create feelings of discord, of frustration, even anger.


When we’re giving something in an erotic experience, until we become aware of it, we have an expectation of how our partner will respond.

In the space of an erotic massage it’s often orgasm.

And often, we haven’t made that clear.

And often, it may be one person’s expectation and not the other.


Now what’s really important is that our expectation is communicated through our touch.

Beyond conscious awareness.

What’s inside of me, comes through my hands, into you.

On a deep level.

And if we’re not in accordance it’s as if we’re speaking different languages.

The experience cannot be deeply fulfilling because of this.


For me the space of erotic massage is about healing, pleasure, energy, intimacy, acknowledging and many other things.

Orgasm is not always part of this. In fact, when the massage is about going deeper, when it’s an expression of energy, when we want the channels in the body to be open, when we want the pleasure and vitality to flow throughout the body, orgasm is not the goal at all.


So we talk about this, about the expectation and the intention.

And when we do this we can relax into the experience.

Because orgasm, in the unlimited field of pleasure is just one possibility.


Part of this is where you come from as a therapist, where you are in your journey.


And when the intention is energy, pleasure, connection etc, your body, your being, will do what it will. It’s about you feeling whatever it is that you feel. Without it having to be anything else.


In our world sex is often about performance, which creates pressure.

It’s about the goal, the achievement.

And this impacts on relationships as much as it does on a professional erotic space.

In the allowing we can let go, we can be present.

And we can be open to the unlimited possibility of the moment.