I see 2 paths on this journey of sexuality.
They’re not mutually exclusive, we can weave and dance between them.
One can lead to the other.
And yet there are some fundamental differences between them.
They come from different places within us.
They have different expressions.
The practices may be similar, but the way they’re expressed is different.
Sometimes there’s a subtle line between them, sometimes a very definite line.
One is the path that fits into so much of what our world is.
And how sexuality is portrayed in this world.
It’s a path of performance.
It’s a path of doing something to someone.
It’s a path of making something happen, chasing, striving, achievement.
It’s a path of judgement of an experience, that we classify as success or failure.
It’s a path of comparison.
It’s an ego-based path.
It’s a path of transaction, often enough.
It’s a path of orgasm, squirting, numbers, how much, how many.
It’s a path of control.
It’s often a mechanical path, to an extent a robotic path.
The other is the path of allowing and surrender.
It’s a path of presence.
It’s a path of exploration and discovery.
It’s a path that is more about depth.
It’s a path of intimacy and connection.
It has no judgement, rather seeing with open eyes, open heart, what is, in this moment.
It’s a path that comes more from, is more of an expression, of the heart.
It’s a path that knows that this body, our sex, sensation, feeling, is a portal to something deeper inside.
It’s a path of energy.
It’s a path of curiosity.
It’s a path of spirituality, sexual, sacred.
From the outside many of the experiences look similar, even the same.
However, the intention, the feeling, is so different.
A while ago a woman I’ve shared some incredibly deep experiences said that it would be amazing to film some of what we share. And it would.
And from the outside, without really knowing what you were seeing, what you were looking at, you’d see something that looked quite slow, maybe not a lot happening in the body, where inside, a whole universe was dancing in a symphony of sexual energy.
Last week at The Love Expo we shared Yoni and Lingam Massage demonstrations.
In the way that we do them.
Not as a show, not as a performance, not as having an outcome, not as having 1 or 5 or No orgasms.
Just as what is.
With the emphasis on connection.
Most people were bored quite soon into the experience. It wasn’t a Hollywood fake passion, push me against the wall scene. It wasn’t a moaning, groaning, shouting porn scene.
It was a body, men and women, with visible waves of energy moving.
It was a palpable expression of the energy of pleasure.
And some got it, felt it.
And were, literally, mesmerized.
Time is an interesting element of both paths.
Time becomes a way into deeper dimensions.
The orgasm path is very time-based, time-limited, time-pressured path.
It can’t take too long.
If it does, there’s pressure.
It’s so much about getting to the end, that we don’t feel much along the way. And what we do feel is on the surface.
The pleasure path is allowing the experience to unfold.
It’s an understanding of firstly how the body really works, in sexual and pleasure terms, and 2ndly, that to reach the deeper places takes time, it takes the time it takes.
If, for a woman, the arousal pathway is at least 35/40 minutes, and for most people the whole sexual experience might be 10/15 minutes, there’s a big gap there.
Relaxing, opening, softening, allowing, which are the pathways to the depths, creates the space of possibility.
Opens the portal to what may be present in the experience.
Allows us, more than that, invites us, to feel, to taste, to savour.
There are pauses in these experiences, rather than constant stimulation.
Which, with harder faster, often becomes over-stimulation, which becomes numbness. Which contracts desire and arousal, rather than expanding it.
I experienced something last week, which I have never, in all the time I’ve been doing this work, felt before.
It was during a deep, slow, cervical massage.
At one point the tips of my fingers were just resting on her cervix, no movement, other than the pulsation within her body.
Which was growing stronger and stronger.
A surge of energy went through my body, opened my heart, the head of my Lingam pulsating in the same rhythm.
Indescribable feelings, sensations, emotions.
This is what the path of pleasure offers us, invites us into.
Mystery and wonder, the unknown, rather than looking for a ‘happy ending.’
One is a path of doing something to you, there’s a space between us.
There’s a control.
The space is one of separation.
The other is a path of union.
There’s a conversation between our bodies, our hearts.
It’s a flow, a dance of energy.
There’s a listening, a quiet, at times a stillness.
They can both have fire, and yet the fire is expressed differently.
One is a path of doing, the other a path of being.
It’s not one path or the other.
Just as life offers us so much, joy and sorrow, grief and celebration, love and loss, in its endless waves of being, so our sexuality, our sensuality, our pleasure, has so much for us.
Limitless.
It takes an awareness, a mind-shift, an intention, an awakening.
It’s linked to how we see life, how we see the world, ourselves, love, relationship, pleasure.
For the path of Conscious Sexuality is not in a vacuum.
It’s the fullness of who we are.
One is not better than the other.
They’re different.
And the invitation is how we’d like to experience ourselves, and share in this wonder-full experience of vitality, life-force, sexuality and pleasure.
Come and share, I invite you…
