For all the years of doing this work in Conscious Sexuality, there’s been something coming up from the beginning.
It’s always been there, and a lot at the moment.
‘I, or we, would like to explore our sexuality.’
It’s a beautiful thing. It has power, liberation, pleasure, growth, learning, exploring, discovering.
It’s exciting.
It’s also challenging, scary, and anxious.
It’s exploring our dark and our shadow, as well as our light, our sacred.
Here are a few elements of this amazing, and literally, life-long journey. And that’s important. It’s not, never was, a static, limited journey. We change, we grow, our sexuality, sensuality and eroticism does the same.
Which is the 1st element. Actually exploring our sexual selves is weaving a web, every strand is connected to the others, nothing happens in a vacuum, in isolation.
Our sexuality happens in the context of our lives. It’s linked to, and is an expression of, our bodies, hearts and minds.
It’s linked to our beliefs, about ourselves, about pleasure, about relationships. It’s an expression of deservability, allowing, freedom.
It’s an expression of communication, of desire, of what we want, what we’ll say, share, ask for. It’s what we’ll allow ourselves, in receiving, in giving and sharing.
It’s about honesty, openness, authenticity.
Exploring our sexual selves is both an inner and outer journey. Both are important. It’s the inner exploration that gives context to the outer experiences. More than that, unless we make it an inner journey, whatever we do become just another experience that fades quickly, loses its excitement and keeps us on the wheel of endless chasing.
The inner journey is who am I as a sexual, sensual and erotic being?
What is it that I really want, that arouses me? That question is huge, because so much of our arousal is what’s been given to us, patterns, conditioned, expectations, that are not really ours. This is what I should want, as a man, as a woman. This is what should turn me on.
Porn and the movie industry entrenched so many ideas of this with the limited, illusionary, fantasy, unrealistic way they show sex and pleasure.
Social media furthers this deeply. This is what men want, women want, this is how to be a sexual man or woman.
Without this inner journey we’re left wandering in what my friend Galen Fous calls the sexual wilderness. Disconnected, isolated, performative, endlessly chasing.
For many of us the idea of sexual exploration is about sex acts, experiences.
Threesomes, moresomes, bondage, anal…
All the fantasies we’ve had for so long.
That’s the external.
They’re exciting, nerve-wracking. I think back, a long time ago, to my 1st 3some, how excited I was, and how terrified I was.
Once we’ve done whatever is we want, and having a guide on this journey is invaluable, because a lot happens that we have no idea about, how to communicate, prepare, during, afterwards, what to look our for… Someone who’s walked the path of these spaces can really help us navigate them in a way that will allow us to have the most fulfilling experiences.
Once we’ve done whatever it is, we’ve been through the list, once twice, more. Then what?
Because what’s exciting now soon loses that and becomes just another experience. We lose interest, we go into an unconscious pattern. Or we keep pushing the boundaries…to where?
And this is where the inner connection with our pleasure being becomes important.
These experiences, whatever they are, have an emotional component, a psychological element. They touch us, heart and mind. They touch our self-definition.
At the beginning of my journey I did everything I could, and often the next morning found myself asking Who am I now?
Our sexual experiences have the power to change us, and they do.
Again, having a guide becomes so important. Because, as we shared, these don’t happen without touching many parts of who we are, what we are.
And often, who I think I was has expanded enormously. We need to integrate these into ourselves.
It’s more, much more, than a few body parts, a whole lot of flesh, a rope or flogger or…
I look at how my interest and arousal has changed, things fallen away, other’s opening, calling…
Our sensuality, sexuality and eroticism, the holy trinity, are lifelong companions. Developing a relationship, a conscious relationship with these aspects of ourselves opens so many doors.
Not only of pleasure, but of intimacy, emotion, energy, spirituality. A journey of conscious sexuality is a journey of conscious growth. It’s a journey ourselves, that allows us to go further out in the world. Come back to ourselves, expand again.
Endlessly…
Come and explore, come and share, this wonder-full world invites you…
