A Celebration of Men


Today I celebrate a group of men, and I’d love to say that are representative of men in South Africa. I’m extremely optimistic in general, and in this instance I have to say that I have my doubts, and I am so willing to be proven wrong!

What am I celebrating?

At this week’s Water Flow Massage 70% of the people there were men. And men from such diverse backgrounds, sexual orientations, religions, even different parts of the world.

It was so beautiful to share the space with these men, to see how they allowed themselves to connect with each other, to hold and support each other, literally and metaphorically, to engage with the processes with open hearts, willingness and presence. To allow themselves to be intimate, with themselves and with the others. In a world of euphemism we tend to use the word ‘intimacy’ in place of sex. These men were physically intimate, not genitally intimate, they held each other, they touched each other with honouring and love.

There were times that some of them had erections, a natural response. There was no need to do anything with this other than feel the energy of it, breathe, and it flowed into another state of being.

I was writing an article recently as part of a writer’s challenge I’m doing with The Good Men Project in Feb. Along with the articles I need to find images to go with the words. When I went looking for some images to go with a few pieces on sexual healing I was so aware of how many of the images are with women and how few with men.

In my practice and on the workshops I facilitate around 60-70% of the participants are women.

There’s generally not a week that goes past without my getting a call or an email from a woman who would like to heal an issue in a relationship, or learn and expand the intimacy and pleasure they share, asking ‘how do I get him to come, he’s so resistant, he won’t’. I’ve seen relationships end because of this.

I’ve seen men who have convinced their wives that the problem is theirs and they need to fix it, rather than looking inwards and seeing their part in so many different issues.

I interact with people from around the world but I can only really speak for men in South Africa, generally traditional, conservative men who don’t have an emotional connection with themselves, who would rather not, under any circumstances, embark on a healing journey. Men who are ‘fine, ok, everything’s allright’.

I love it when men come to do their work.

It’s such a celebration of possibility.

There’s a bigger picture to this. Transformation.

Our sexuality isn’t in a vacuum, it’s in the fullness of the context of our lives.

When we heal our sexual selves we connect to our hearts, to so many other aspects of ourselves. We begin to look at how we are in the world, how we live, how we work, how we connect to nature, to life. We begin to look at what more there is than acquiring, what power is, what does it mean to be a man. We ask questions, we engage, we explore, we expand.

And so I celebrate the beautiful, powerful, tender, intimate, strong men I shared with.