I sat with a couple in a lesson yesterday and saw a moment of such beauty, such power, such awareness, and such liberation.
It was an awakening. It happened in a moment. It touched me deeply, filled me with joy, with celebration, with wow. And I wasn’t the one experiencing it.
It was during a lesson that involved Yoni Anatomy, and the question about having an orgasm arose, as part of a specific experience, Perineal Massage.
I explained that pleasure was the intention, not the goal of orgasm. I shared a little of the difference between them.
And it wasn’t quite basic if lightning struck, but close. There was a moment of silence. I could feel a re-arrangment of something inside. Then there was a glow, that’s the only way to describe it, a realisation.
An awakening.
I share this, teach it so much. So many of the practices and experiences are about this.
The difference between orgasm sex and pleasure.
When it lands, it changes something deep inside of us, both men and women, that changes our experience, deeply.
It frees us from so many beliefs, so much patterning and conditioning, so much pressure.
When it lands, inside of us, not just as information, but as awareness, it’s a revelation.
We talk about it being a liberation, and it is, in many ways.
It’s a liberation from how we think sex and pleasure should be, according to someone else, into what it is.
It’s a liberation from time. The chasing of orgasm, making it happen, is so linked to time. The time we think it should take, and the pressure that creates.
It’s a liberation from judgement. That’s the criterion by which we judge the success of sex. For men and women.
It’s a liberation from performance. I don’t have to ‘make you come, you don’t have to force it. And we don’t have to pretend about it.
It’s a liberation from the porn and media, movie model, of what we think sex should be, into a human, personal, experience of our bodies and desires.
It’s a liberation into feeling, into sensation, into energy.
It’s a liberation into presence, allowing ourselves to be where we are, feel what we feel. Have the experience we have. Without it having to end in a certain way, end at all.
It’s a liberation into curiosity, into exploration, into learning, into discovery, into possibility.
It’s a liberation into ourselves, our bodies, minds and hearts, that’s limitless and endless.
There’s not a judgment on either one, they both, all have something, so much, for us.
The limitation is that for most of us sex has become a patterned experience, which often loses excitement and feeling.
It’s become about the orgasm, rather than the intimacy, the connection, the energy. The endless range of sensations we can feel. The power of sexual energy.
How many ways we can experience pleasure. How much more of our bodies we can use, and feel.
When it lands in this way, and for some of us it might be a more gradual awareness. Like all awakening it can come through experience, through conversation, through thinking. But it comes in the body. Then the mind catches up.
When it lands, it changes our pleasure experiences deeply.
And one of the things I’ve seen over all the years of teaching, is this.
It’s a lightening. That’s about not having to be a certain way, or do certain things. It’s a lightening into being.
That brings an excitement, that we often lose in our patterned experiences.
It brings a lightening into trying, into communicating, into intimacy, into fun.
Healing our sexuality is often a big part of this, especially in the way I work, where learning about our patterns is a key element.
Healing becomes growth, becomes learning. What pleasure is, and the ways, the limitless ways we can experience pleasure.
Which often takes us out of judgement, inhibition, fear and limitation, into freedom and possibility.
Because it’s not about achieving something, not about making something happen, not about judging it.
It’s about being a being of pleasure, at play in life.
When this lands for a man it’s amazing. Simply because men, as a generalization, get more stuck in performance sex, and have a greater resistance to changing that. Letting that go is huge.
It’s an invitation, one of the biggest there is in, in terms of sexuality, sensuality, eroticism and pleasure.
My own journey is a reflection of this, and when we talk, all of my work begins with a conversation, I’ll share it with you.
Here’s your invitation…
