Here’s an outrageous suggestion, What if Tantra wasn’t about having more sex, better sex?
Firstly, it’s not outrageous, but we love these deeply emotive words.
And what happens if there’s something in that, that having more, better sex, is actually a by-product?
That it’s about a whole lot of other things, and when they’re there, when that happens, a different sexuality, sensuality, eroticism, flows in a way that’s natural.
First, because Rocky Horror is one of my favourite movies, we have to take a jump to the left, or a step to the right.
Better sex is such an interesting thing.
I shared.a piece about this a while ago, because it’s different for all of us, and it’s different every day.
When we get this, we start asking different questions, expressing different desires.
What’s fulfilling today may not be the same tomorrow.
Which makes our sexuality a living, breathing, alive, vital, changing, growing thing.
It’s not static, it’s not in a box, with quite narrow labels and definitions and conditions.
Which is how many of us see it, and express it.
When we do this we take this spirit, this energy, this vitality, and we imprison it, we make it small, we lock it up, we suppress its power, its creativity.
We stifle its voice and hobble its dance.
Which means we make ourselves small and narrow.
We try and control something that essentially can’t be controlled, it’s too great.
And when we do it comes out in aberrant ways.
When we get the aliveness, the ever-changing nature, the ebbing and flow, the different ways our sensuality wants to be expressed, so much changes.
And this is where the idea of what Tantra is becomes important.
It’s the relationship we have with ourselves, with our bodies, with our hearts, with our minds, with our world.
With our desires, our sensations, with our feelings, with our emotions, all of them.
Our angers and fears, loves and joys.
The deeper, the more aware, the more conscious this relationship is, the more life, and sex, flows, in so many ways.
Our sexuality is not in a vacuum.
It’s about who, and how we are.
One of the blockages around this is that sex is something we do. We switch it on, it gets switched on, we do it in whatever way we do, it gets switched off.
When it becomes a part of this dance of life, when it can be expressed in so many different ways, ahh, the world opens up.
Tantra is an invitation to presence, to the moment, and if we’re here, now, intimate, open, this will be the best sex.
It may be gentle and slow, it may be fiery and hot, it may be a few breaths, it may be long and lingering.
It’s this moment.
And as I’m writing this my heart swells with the feel of the autumn sun, the garden I’m looking out at, and the awareness, this moment…
It brings tears to my eyes.
And if you were here and we were doing our thing, in this moment, this would be the best sex ever.
And later, tomorrow, it will be different.
Better sex, we’re chasing something.
And when will it be better enough, and for who?
I teach a lot of workshops, we have a series coming up that have a lot of sensual, sexual skills, techniques, practices in them.
And all of these are really about the relationship we have with ourselves.
It’s not about the techniques, they’re a way in to something else, something much deeper.
The invitation is to ourselves, through ourselves, to and with our lovers.
The invitation is to a sexuality, a sensuality, an eroticism, that’s alive, vibrant, pulsating, in so many ways.
I did, as I do pretty much every day, a Tantric meditation, that’s as alive today as it was 1000 yrs ago.
It’s as alive as my body, as my breath, as my beating heart.
The meditation had nothing to do with sex directly, it was a heart meditation, and yet afterwards there was an openness, that can flow so beautifully into…
When our sexuality can be an expression of this aliveness, we stop chasing, comparing, measuring.
It’s here, now, breathing, in you, in me, between us.
The invitation of Tantra is to be more intimate with life, in all its expressions.
From this intimacy, the moment, whatever it holds, dances in beauty and wonder.
When we try and put sex into a conditioned, patterned box, as most of us do, we put ourselves into that box.
In that box, better is never enough.
We’re searching for something that can’t be found.
There is a different way, a way of invitation and surrender, a way of presence that fills our pleasure with a richness, sometimes subtle, sometimes earth-shattering.
It’s always beautiful.
I invite you…
