All Orgasms Are Different!




For many of us the model of sex is based on what we think it should be, how we think it should be, how we think it should look.

This is often a porn-based model, filled with the idea of performance and expectation.


Orgasm, the way we express orgasm, especially for women, has been caught up in this model.

The expectation of it is that there’s lots of moaning, groaning, screaming, shouting.

There’s lots of writhing, wriggling.

There are earthquakes and stars colliding…


And so often we think that’s how it should be.

And if I’m not experiencing that then we’re not doing it right.

And we’re not doing it well enough.


It’s not about a performance.

It’s about pleasure!


And that’s going to be different every day.

Some orgasms are ripples that move gently through your body. They’re quiet and soft.

Some orgasms are a tremble, deep in the earth of your being. They vibrate through you with hardly an awareness on the surface.

Some orgasms are quick, they’re there, they’re gone, a shooting star in the night sky.

Some orgasms are tight, fists squeezing, toes curling, intense.

Some orgasm are long, slow waves, rollers in the ocean of pleasure.

And… more…


Some are quiet, some are noisy.

Some are very loud, Oh Yes, Oh Baby, Oh Whatever Your Lover’s Name Is…

Some are a held breath, some are a gasp.


They’re different, and they’ll be different every day.

Because you are different.

Your body is different, your emotional state is different, your chemical state is different, and so many more factors.


Then, and this is important.

Your orgasms are yours, they’re for you.

They’re not for anybody else’s ego, they’re not to make anyone else feel good, they’re not to buy into the ‘way it should be’.

They’re not about an expectation.

They’re about where you are, where your body and heart are. In this moment.


And this is important too.

Even though we’re talking about orgasms here. It’s not always about orgasms, it’s about pleasure, intimacy, connection, energy, sensation.

And if orgasms are not happening maybe that’s about something else.

Because our sexuality is not in a vacuum, it’s connected to all that we are, to all of our life.

Maybe if you’re chasing this elusive orgasm fairy all over the place, and it’s nearly there, and now it’s gone, maybe there’s something to relax about.

And if it’s not happening and you’re getting frustrated, maybe there’s something to just let go of.

And if it’s irritating and you just want it to be over, maybe there’s something that needs to be said.


Whatever it is, and whatever your body does, allow it to be a natural expression of where you are.

Allow it to flow, freely.

With no expectation, no judgment, no story, no analysis, no conference.

This is where I am in pleasure, in energy, in sexuality.

There’s a softening into this, a softening into openness, into power and into presence.

And into possibility.

The possibility of this moment.



Erotic Inspiration is a delicious phrase, filled with such possibility.

In all aspects of life.


An Erotic Life is so much more than a sexual and genital expression of that energy.

But that’s what so many of us think about when we heat the term ‘erotic’.

For me, Erotic is an expression of the fullness of life. It’s the body, the mind, the heart.

It’s vitality and creativity.

It’s sensual, as in the experience of all of our senses.

It’s nature, and the world, the elements.

And it’s inner nature. An Erotic Nature is a state of being that looks at life in connection, in awareness and presence.


Erotic Inspiration.

Inspiration, breathing in.

Inspiration, feeling.

Inspiration, creating.

Erotic Inspiration, creating in the sensual fullness of life.

Erotic Inspiration, feeling into the fullness of life of the body, of sensation, of the heart.

Erotic Inspiration.

Living a life of spontaneous intimacy, dancing in the moment, dancing with what life offers, the joy and the tears.


Inspiration and gifts are in every moment.

Often in me there are moments of sadness, and in the sadness sometimes comes inspiration to write.


When we live with greater erotic awareness it touches every aspect of our lives.

Sexually, sensually, in work, in relationship.

Erotic is a perception, a state of mind, a state of body.

It’s a greater presence in the body, and in the body in life, in sensation, in feeling.

The awareness of the Erotic in every moment shifts so much within us, in healing, in learning, in growth.

There’s a fullness in the erotic that brings us to what is present rather than lacking.

Which is how we so often look at situations in our lives, what’s not there, what’s missing.

We also look at what’s wrong, rather than what’s possible.

The Erotic shifts us into what’s present, into everything that’s there.

The Erotic dances us into the space of possibility, the space within us, in our bodies and in our hearts.

That’s where our healing lies, that’s where our growth lies.


It’s within us, the Erotic.

Waiting for us to meet it, waiting for us to reach out.

This is where the inspiration is.

And a life of inspiration happens in so many ways.

We often look at that in creative terms, art or writing, music.

And it is that, and it’s all of life.

How we live.

Connecting with everything that’s sensual, that’s alive.

Pulsating, vibrating.



One of the ways inspiration expresses itself in my life is through touch.

And this week it led me to a new massage experience, connecting Heart, Nipples, Breasts, Clitoris.

An experience of energy and pleasure, of healing and release.

All coming together in one experience.


This is a continuous exploration for me, and teaching, sharing it with more people, expands the Erotic Possibility for all of us.


The more we connect with, feel, the Erotic within us.

The more we have experiences like the one I’ve shared, the more inspired we become.

And one expands into the other.

Inspiration expands in all of life.

Our dance expands in all of life.

Possibility expands in all of life.


I have always been able to be inspired by life, by the experiences, the people, what I see, what I hear, what I learn, what I feel.

And having someone in my life after so long inspires me more.

With gratitude to life, to love.