Coffee and Duct Tape




What in the world have coffee and duct tape got to do with each other?


My daughter asked me a question last night.

She phrased it more or less like this, ‘I don’t know if I want to know the answer to this but I’m asking anyway, why is there a roll of duct tape on the counter in the kitchen?’


I laughed.

This was not an uncommon question in my home.

From the time she was a teenager and saw dildos drying in the dish rack after being washed from a workshop the night before.

From the times she helped me with outfits for fetish and fantasy parties.

From the times she came with me to interviews, and we’d have coffee, cake, supper, before or after.

From the times she helped me with editing of pieces I’ve written.

From the times she was a teenager and her friends would phone her with questions, with what they had done the night before, looking for advice.


This openness has led to an amazingly close relationship between us.

An honesty.

It’s allowed the relationship to change, to grow, as we have.

It’s allowed for a deep sharing I think not many people have with their children.

It’s allowed conversations of incredible sharing and openness, many of which have not been easy.


There’s something interesting in this, a question I get asked so often.

‘How do I talk to my kids about sex?’.

I start the answer in the same way.

It comes out of your comfort with your own sexuality. If you’re embarrassed, so will they be. They’ll pick up on that.

And they won’t ask you.

One of the things that happens when we can’t have these discussions is that when there are problems, and this happens to all of us, despite the ‘that will never happen to my son or daughter,’ they won’t have the space to come to you.


I remember being at a wedding, sitting at a table with people I didn’t know.

They all knew each other, and were talking about their kids, and how they’d found out that all their kids, teenagers, had told them they were going to various friends houses. None of them did. They all went to a club.

Some drank too much, got sick.

That’s when the shit happens.

In a moment.


We spoke about everything.

When my daughter wanted to go to a club, we spoke about it.

When she wanted to try Marijuana, we spoke about it.


And when there was a problem, we had the openness, the acceptance to talk about it, with love.


The duct tape.

I teach people about sex, about life, about love, about their hearts.

I’m not a Handy-man type of guy, although, haha, I can do amazing things with my hands.

The duct tape was from a shoot for an online course to hold blocking paper in place over the lights, and to mark places.


We had a laugh.

And enjoyed the coffee so much!