Coffee of Loving and Longing




Coffee this afternoon is fascinating.

I’m sipping it slowly, savoring the taste, the aroma. I’m looking at the sky, the garden, the clouds. I love watching clouds. I’m listening to the birds, distant traffic.

I’ve written and deleted a few lines so many times.

It’s a delicate coffee, delicate of body, delicate of mind.

Delicate of body as I pulled something deep in my back which really impeded my movement. I went for some needling to release it.

Delicate of heart as I’ve looked at some of my deep triggers and patterns this week.

I’ve written and deleted the beginning of this many times, and I was on the verge of not continuing, not sharing anything.

I put the phone down, sat, breathed, and a question arose, What do I really want to share with you, what do I really want to say?

There’s a deep part of this. I don’t have a teacher at the moment. There are a few friends I talk about my stuff with. And I learn from so many people, everyone I work with becomes my teacher.

On the retreat I was at recently an issue came up for me, and I said to Life, I don’t have a teacher, here’s my question. And an answer was there.

The same thing happened now.

I asked the question, an answer arose.

Here’s what I’d really like to share.

In these spaces, in all spaces, we’re not taught to ask for what we want, what we need. That is so hard for many of us.

It’s one of the deepest learnings on a healing, growth and spiritual path.

It often comes from the place of we don’t actually know what we want, what we need. We’ve been so conditioned not to think about it that we just don’t know. So we don’t know what to say.

Learning about ourselves, about who we are in life, we start to look at this. What do we really want

We so often fill that space with people, with noise, with activity because we don’t know how to sit in the quiet, with the question, what do I want?

Learning to be with ourselves, to listen, to our bodies, to our hearts, to our energy, is such a gift to give ourselves.

Generally what the daily mind gives us is just something to take up time and space. When we sit with it we go into time and space. And we find ourselves there.

One of the ways I started this piece was that it was a coffee of longing and love. Love within me, such love, and such longing, not having a lover at the moment, longing for all that that space has.

As I’m writing this, that space within me expands with love, with the sharing of these words, with expressing myself.

Learn to be with yourself, there’s love there.