Collapse Your Expectations


There is an incredible transformational power in sexuality.

We have to collapse our expectations to experience and create the possibilities of this power.

We have to see that our sensual, sexual and pleasure experiences are doorways to something much deeper.

The interesting thing is that the deeper we go into pleasure, the more sensation we allow, the more intense the emotions we feel, the more we’ll be able to experience what else this energy has to offer. If we stay on the surface we’ll ride a few waves of pleasure. Some of them will even be amazing compared to what we’re used to in pleasure terms, but we’ll stay on the surface. To go deeper we have to collapse the expectations of what we think sex is, of what we think we’ll feel, which is mostly based on what we’ve felt in the past, and on what we think it should be.

As we shift out of the goals of sex into the experience, into sensation, into emotion, we move into possibility.

We move into healing, not only our sexual issues, but our life issues. This happens because there’s an organic connection between sex and life. They mirror and express each other. What we allow in sex is what we’ll allow in life, what we block and fear sexually is what we’ll stay away from in life.

We move into self-knowing and learning. our sexuality, the energy, the vulnerability, the openness, become a path of knowing ourselves, a tool for enquiry.

We move into life. This energy, this vital, throbbing, delicious, juicy stuff is our life force. The more it flows, the more we connect to life, the more we dance with life, the more we find our voice, the more we create.

We move into deeper awareness. Layer by layer our consciousness expands. We become more connected to ourselves, to another, to life. In going deeper into desire, into what excites us, we hold less judgment and greater acceptance. We make more choices out of love. and when we do this, oh does life change!

Last Saturday I facilitated a workshop, An Introduction to Tantric Massage, the feedback from one of the participants expresses this shift in perspective beautifully.


‘Herewith some reflection on my part on our workshop of Saturday and also to express my sincere gratitude to you and to everyone who attended.

For me everything is still very fresh in my mind as I am still trying to absorb the emotional impact of my experiences. As indicated on Saturday, I came because I have red a lot about sexuality within the trantra paradigm, but have never experienced it physically and even though I tried to initiate it in some way or form in my relationships I could never manage to achieve much because I had no practical reference until Saturday. Understanding trantra massage now within the broader paradigm of spiritual principles just make so much sense and linking it to the infinite concepts of our energy, touch, breath and the subconscious mind make the flow of energy natural and for me link it wonderfully to the core of our sexuality. And adding to that, I am convinced, it fundamentally constitutes the essence of human nature and even though, as you know, it is part of eastern philosophical practices for centuries upon centurion, I would have never discovered this on my own.

Therefore, needless to say, Saturday was much more than an eye opener. For me it truly was a profound existential and spiritual experience.  And as I later tried to explain, it helped me to understand the difference between the erotic and the sexual zones, which is so significant, as it enables me to understand the need I constantly felt to exploit and enjoy the erotic domain without an emotional feeling of guilt or prejudice that often results from the power play that spoils traditional sexual relationships.  And this is why Saturday has blown my mind wide open as I now felt I have discovered the entry in my exploration of the erotic. So that’s why my experience was priceless as I can start to understand its practical spread even though there is so much more to learn. Also to ensure NOT TO land in some obvious pitfalls that will inevitably be part of this ‘new’ paradigm.

Also in hindsight, I need to mention that, thinking back, I could have brought someone with who could have been my partner for the day. But because I did not really know what to expect, I decided not to. However, my perception of trantra massage / sexuality is that it is not necessarily confined within long-term relationships only, but it could also be practiced with a ‘stranger’. However, I did not expect such a beautiful woman that made me to focus really hard on the principles and the intellectual scaffolding that underpinned the thought processes as you explained it so masterfully. And it indeed helped to keep my concentration, maybe too intense on the mental stuff, lol.  But my partner for the day was very sweet and so relaxed and made it super easy for me. So please also convey my appreciation to her. ‘