Conversations With My Sexual Body
For the past 10 months my eroticism has been solo and inwards.
For someone who teaches in sexuality this creates many fascinating possibilities.
One of these has been the conversations I’ve had with my cock, the different expressions of myself, my sexuality, my heart and my desire expressed through him.
For a long time we’ve had a deep connection, a conscious connection where he is an aspect of myself that expresses as a being, a being that’s a part of me.
When this conscious began we spoke about the name, the title, what he’d most prefer being called.
And there are times in ceremony, in sacred sexual ritual where he is a Lingam.
But more than anything, he is my cock.
And over the past months of being sexually alone many expressions of this energy have been present in conversation.
There’s the cock that just wants.
He wants to be inside someone, inside a mouth, a yoni, an ass.
He doesn’t really care who.
He’s not interested in intimacy, in fact the idea of intimacy is quite strange to him at the moment.
He is so singular in this expression, so present in it.
When this energy is here he gets hot, the head is physically hot in his wanting.
My heart and he have a deep discussion.
Other expressions of him have this discussion as well.
It centre’s around fulfilment, around the intimacy we’ve known and experienced, the energy and connection we’ve experienced, and the awareness that without that we’re not willing to engage sexually. Without this there’s always something in the experience that’s missing, lacking, an emptiness after the sex, an incompletion. We talk about the idea that as wonderful as orgasms are, there is the rest of this being, this entire being that needs and wants the depth.
There’s the cock of pleasure that has learned to be the most exquisite giver and receiver.
We’ve explored so many sexual possibilities, so much about pleasure.
He has such a deep desire for expression, for the art of lovemaking.
We talk about the energy of his expression, we breathe.
We understand that to share that level of pleasure we need a lover who has done her learning, been on her journey.
And the desire is patience.
There’s the mystical cock, the cock that’s an expression, of energy, of my heart.
He has learned about the depths of sacred sex.
He thirsts for the nectar deep inside a yoni that’s released only after a long time of sex in a space of deep intimacy.
He knows how to expand his energy, to reach through your body to touch your heart.
With him, we make love to the universe.
Our conversations are filled with the awareness that the inner work I do will manifest through him in time.
His desire is deep, and so is his willingness to sit in stillness.
There’s the cock of fire, the cock of the beast.
He has a voice that growls and shouts in his passion.
He stands before me, burning with heat.
At times he is so close to the surface, and connected to the cock that just wants.
I feel him in my hands, their desire to squeeze your flesh, in my mouth and its desire to feed on you, bite you, devour you.
And he knows, he knows that he needs a mate to match his fire or he cannot burn to the fullness of his heat.
There’s the cock of my heart that longs for the intimacy it knows, for the sweetness of connection.
He and my heart are one energy channel.
I flow out through him, love, life flows into me through him.
He is tender.
There’s the cock of my aloneness, of my solitude, of my learning, my healing.
And we talk.
We connect with my heart.
We learn more of stillness.
We learn more of energy.
We learn more of love.
We are one.