Early Ejaculation and Receiving


I’ve been working with quite a few men recently who are dealing with the issue of early ejaculation.

As part of the healing journey something really interesting has emerged with every one of them.

A part of the framework I put my work in is that we live in patterns.

The patterns are in our minds and in our bodies.

And so much of what we do is a result of a pattern not a dysfunction. The pattern was developed as a result of stress, a reaction to so many things that happened to us on many levels.

Much of what happens in our sexuality comes out of the patterns of the past, and many of these have nothing to do with sex, that’s where they manifest.

When we engage with a journey of sexual healing we need to understand that our sexuality doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It’s connected to all aspects of our lives and so many aspects of our lives play out in our sexuality.

Conscious Sexuality includes all parts of who are, and allows all of us to be there.

Instead of putting this issue in the space of it being a problem, when we see it as an expression of a deeper pattern we can see it as a possibility for healing growth, learning and expansion.

This requires a big mind shift as we’ve been so conditioned to see this as a problem that makes you less of a man. It impacts on the way a man sees himself, his self-confidence, his personal power and more.

Understanding this helps us see why changing the pattern, opening to new possibilities, needs to include all of who we are.

The aspect of the pattern that has emerged with all these men is that it is really hard for them to receive. Not only sexually but in all aspects of life.

They don’t allow themselves to receive pleasure.

They hold on so tight that everything is in a state of contraction, nothing can move, nothing can flow.

Sexual Energy can’t flow.

There’s a constant knife-edge of tension around sex.

And there’s not a lot of pleasure, in fact the tension, the pressure and the fear, ensure that there is no pleasure.

Not being able to receive blocks a lot of men’s partners from being able to give. They can’t express the fullness of their sensuality and sexuality.

This means that the rhythm of the relationship is out of synch, and over time this creates disconnect and a lack of intimacy.

When we can’t receive we’re generally really deep in control, which is a reaction to many physical and emotional incidents from the past.

Control creates contraction.

Learning to soften, learning to relax, learning to allow someone in creates a state of vulnerability.

It means opening your heart.

It means relaxing your body.

It means letting go.

It takes time for this to happen, to create a new pattern in the body, open new energy pathways, a new approach to sex, a new perspective of himself,and a new way of being in relationship.

The extension of this is a new way of being in life.

It’s about learning to breathe.

It’s about learning to move energy.

It’s about learning to be in your body in a different way, establishing a different relationship with your heart, with your sexuality, with yourself as a man.

And you become open to so many new possibilities…