For Myself


I cannot live my life for you.

I cannot have my pleasure in a way that needs to be for you.

I cannot love in a way that needs to fit you.

This body, this heart, are mine.

I have walked a journey that has its roots in guilt and shame.

My being, my beauty, were separated from me.

I was taken from myself.

I was told that parts of me, parts of my body, were dirty.

I learned to be embarrassed about myself.

I learned that some of my feelings, so strong within me, were unacceptable.

There was no space to cry my tears freely, to shout my frustration when I did not know the words I needed.

There was loneliness, even surrounded by others.

It was separation, disconnect.

And in time I began the journey of healing the pain.

I reclaimed myself, all the parts I had estranged.

And discovered more.

I discovered eyes that could look at the world, people, even myself, in so many ways.

Eyes that could see such beauty and truth.

I discovered ears that could hear the song of life in all its incredible harmony, a symphony of nature, of people.

I discovered hands that could and feel and hold and stroke and caress and squeeze.

Hands that could hold me, hold you.

I discovered a mouth that could taste.

Oh, the tastes, of another’s body, of the bounty of the earth, of another mouth, of endless deliciousness.

I discovered fragrance, aroma, smell, reek, perfume. An ancient sense we use less, that touches something inside of me when I close my eyes and take it in, all of it.

I discovered a heart.

A heart that has no limitation to what it could feel. It could break and love even more.

A heart that was bigger than I saw myself as.

A heart that wanted to give all it had, and saw how much that was.

A heart that became open to receiving another in all of their being, acceptance.

A heart that said I will be acceptable to myself.

And I discovered pleasure.

Oh, did I discover pleasure.

Endless, boundless.

Emotion , feeling, sensation.

To share, to give, receive, take.

To explore a world within that became a world to live in.

And I discovered my Spirit.

An eternal journey of exploration and learning.

And in all this I discovered that the truth of life is to live for me.

The more I do that, the more I have to give.

The deeper within I go, the more I have to share with you.

And I long for that, I choose that.

In a way that allows us freedom.

In a way that expresses all within us.

In a way that is pleasing to all of me, all within me.

In a way that honours me.

And in this I invite you to honour yourself.

That we may walk together, however that is.

With love.