I’m running a retreat in a few weeks called The Erotic Encounter. It’s an annual event, this year the theme is Freedom.
Contemplating this, gathering the elements for the event, is so exciting for me.
I love to create, in many ways, I love to write.
And I love to create experiences, events, workshops, for both clients and lovers.
This is a big piece, and there’s so much more to each of these elements, we’ll start here.
It got me thinking about the connection between creativity and pleasure, and by this I mean pleasure in all of life, not just sex.
At some point pretty much everyone I work with says that they’re amazed at how this journey has everything to do with sex and nothing to do with sex.
It’s about life.
What’s interesting is that many of us think we’re not creative.
We are, all of us.
It’s been bred, educated, forced out of us, in a world that’s become very narrow-mind oriented, very result, achievement, outcome oriented.
There actually can be both, it’s not one or the other, and the more creative we allow ourselves to be, the more possible ways there are, the more we see possibility.
Creativity in relationships is vital, and one of the elements that keep it alive, exciting, interesting.
When we’re interesting, we’re interesting to each other.
When we’re interested, in ourselves, in each other, we’re doing a lot to protect, expand and grow our relationship.
And when we bring creativity to the pleasure of life, sexual, sensual and erotic, we’re giving ourselves the possibility of a life of adventure with each other.
One of the biggest questions I get asked is how to keep the fire burning.
This is one of the ways.
The next aspect of creativity and pleasure to talk about is sensuality.
Now for most of us, we hear ‘sensuality’ and we connect it to sex.
And yes, that’s an element of it.
Sensuality is so much more.
Sensuality is how we experience life, the world, each other.
Sound, sight, taste, touch, smell, feeling, sensing, intuition, emotion, intimacy.
Sensuality.
When it’s boring, when we’re boring, bored, and it takes a lot to acknowledge that, we shut down, or we go looking elsewhere.
Creativity gives us permission, permission allows for creativity.
Permission gives us freedom, to explore, to discover, to feel.
When we combine these things we come into presence.
And in presence creativity flows.
The other day, as an example, I’d been listening to some talks on pleasure and embodiment. I sat for a while, breathed, asked my body, with curiosity, how it would express itself right now.
And was I surprised with what came out!
Something I don’t ever recall doing, it became a movement, became fun, silly, energizing.
Freeing.
Now we get to the sex part.
Which for some of us is the most interesting, and for some of us might be a little triggering.
Many of us want to be good lovers, better lovers.
So we learn a whole lot of sexual techniques, and I love that because I teach a lot of that.
And we think that’s it.
Here’s the thing.
Technique without presence, without connection, without energy, without creativity is empty, boring, mechanical, robotic.
Technique is a portal, a doorway, that opens possibility.
Learning to be a good lover, and it’s more of an awakening than a learning, to be a great lover, an amazing lover, requires creativity.
The next part of creativity and sex is this.
Sexual energy is creative energy, it’s life-force energy.
The more sexual energy flows, the more vitality we have.
The more creative we are.
And because conscious sexuality is about conscious life, the more creative we are in one, the more we can be in another.
Because we live so much in patterns, because we’ve been conditioned to the porn model, the movie model, the social media model of sex as achievement, climax, orgasm, we’ve lost so much of ourselves.
And when we lose our creativity, our sensual, sexual, erotic creativity, we lose ourselves.
We lose connection with our bodies, hearts, souls.
I invite you to a journey that opens this beautiful energy within us.
The energy of life, of love.
