Healing by Adding, Expanding



The framework of healing I’ve been sharing since I began this journey is about patterns.

That’s how we work.

The patterns are in our minds and in our bodies, and they’re mostly subconscious.

We mostly become aware of the patterns when we have a problem, an issue, a pain.

Then we start to see that maybe we’ve done this before, maybe we’ve been doing this a long time, which we generally have.

We see that the story is familiar, and we pretty much know how it ends. And we can’t really help ourselves but do what we do. Often despite our best intention in the moment, to do it differently.

Because the patterns are deep, beyond conscious awareness.


The healing practices that I’ve developed are about helping shift the patterns, moving to becoming more aware, seeing what we’re doing. And in time, seeing what else is there, what the possibilities are.

This way of working is about that, moving more into possibility.


There’s a concept in this that’s really helpful to understand.

We can do more by adding rather than taking away.

So often we try and change a pattern, change the way we do something, by not doing it.

And this is where we get stuck, this is where we judge ourselves, go into blame, go into not doing it right, go further into not being good enough, failing, and taking ourselves down an endless rabbit hole with no possibility.

And we come back, again and again, to not doing whatever it is we do.

And judge ourselves, again and again.

And talk about how hard it is to change.

And judge ourselves for failing.

This becomes a contractive cycle, closing us down, rather than opening us.


When we shift to the idea of adding, so much can change.

And it might be a path that’s a little easier, more expansive.

I’m certainly not going to sit here and say that it’s easy.

Our patterns are deep, they’re often rooted in pain, in self-protection and survival.

But maybe there’s a way that can be gentler, with more awareness, and that can open us to more possibility.


It’s about doing something, something else, rather than focus on what we’re not doing, what we shouldn’t be doing, what contracts us, shuts us down, and keeps us in the pattern.


One of the easiest ways to understand this idea is with food.

Think about something you eat that’s not so good for you.

Crisps are a good example for me.

Instead of the crisps, and trying not to eat them, the question is what else could I eat.

An apple, some nuts and raisins…

And the more I do that the more I’m putting my awareness elsewhere.

I’m taking it out of the inner struggle, out of the judgment.

The more I do that, the more I make a different choice, the more I’m changing the pattern.

My attention and my energy are focused differently.


It’s a simple example but it shows the possibility.

It needs, and creates an increasing level of awareness.

The more I do something different, the more I ask the questions, What else is here? What else could I do? The more I’m stepping into possibility.


The first practice I teach everyone, and on all the workshops is the Heart Breath. I’ll share it with you at the end of this piece.

A while ago on a training, someone was talking about how they keep forgetting to do the Breath, and then judged herself for forgetting.

We can add something here.

Every time you’ve forgotten, and tell yourself you’ve forgotten, do the Breath.

And the more you do that, the more you’ll do it.


As we go deeper into this journey, of healing, growing, learning, expanding, we find that things change through doing the practices.

Not through not doing something, or trying not to.

Simply by doing, by adding something to our lives.

By expanding.

We take away so much struggle with this, we see how much energy is in the struggle, how much resistance.

And we can flow that into doing.


There’s a spiritual answer, which is one of the most frustrating things to hear.

How do we become more aware?

By being more aware.

That’s all.

There’s no other way.


It’s not to bypass anything.

It’s not to ignore, to suppress, to pretend that what we need to look at isn’t there.

It’s saying that there is a way that can help us change our patterns.

And in this, being more relaxed, being more aware, a creativity emerges that allows us to see things, situations, people, differently.


Adding, doing something different, expands us, moves us.

And in this, our healing, our release, our opening, our softening, can be with a little less struggle within ourselves.

We can make it a little easier.

And we can live with greater possibility.


The Heart Breath


Become aware of your Heart Centre, in the middle of your chest.

Take a breath in, a deep, slow breath in, and gave the awareness that you’re breathing into that space in your chest.

As you breathe out, have the awareness that you’re breathing out from that space.

Slow, deep breaths, as comfortably as you can.

Not forcing the breath.

You might want to put a hand, or both hands, on your chest. It may help the connection.

Your mind may take your awareness into thoughts, gently bring it back to your breath, to the space in the middle of your body.

I recommend doing the Heart Breath for 5 minutes, twice a day.






Erotic Inspiration is a delicious phrase, filled with such possibility.

In all aspects of life.


An Erotic Life is so much more than a sexual and genital expression of that energy.

But that’s what so many of us think about when we heat the term ‘erotic’.

For me, Erotic is an expression of the fullness of life. It’s the body, the mind, the heart.

It’s vitality and creativity.

It’s sensual, as in the experience of all of our senses.

It’s nature, and the world, the elements.

And it’s inner nature. An Erotic Nature is a state of being that looks at life in connection, in awareness and presence.


Erotic Inspiration.

Inspiration, breathing in.

Inspiration, feeling.

Inspiration, creating.

Erotic Inspiration, creating in the sensual fullness of life.

Erotic Inspiration, feeling into the fullness of life of the body, of sensation, of the heart.

Erotic Inspiration.

Living a life of spontaneous intimacy, dancing in the moment, dancing with what life offers, the joy and the tears.


Inspiration and gifts are in every moment.

Often in me there are moments of sadness, and in the sadness sometimes comes inspiration to write.


When we live with greater erotic awareness it touches every aspect of our lives.

Sexually, sensually, in work, in relationship.

Erotic is a perception, a state of mind, a state of body.

It’s a greater presence in the body, and in the body in life, in sensation, in feeling.

The awareness of the Erotic in every moment shifts so much within us, in healing, in learning, in growth.

There’s a fullness in the erotic that brings us to what is present rather than lacking.

Which is how we so often look at situations in our lives, what’s not there, what’s missing.

We also look at what’s wrong, rather than what’s possible.

The Erotic shifts us into what’s present, into everything that’s there.

The Erotic dances us into the space of possibility, the space within us, in our bodies and in our hearts.

That’s where our healing lies, that’s where our growth lies.


It’s within us, the Erotic.

Waiting for us to meet it, waiting for us to reach out.

This is where the inspiration is.

And a life of inspiration happens in so many ways.

We often look at that in creative terms, art or writing, music.

And it is that, and it’s all of life.

How we live.

Connecting with everything that’s sensual, that’s alive.

Pulsating, vibrating.



One of the ways inspiration expresses itself in my life is through touch.

And this week it led me to a new massage experience, connecting Heart, Nipples, Breasts, Clitoris.

An experience of energy and pleasure, of healing and release.

All coming together in one experience.


This is a continuous exploration for me, and teaching, sharing it with more people, expands the Erotic Possibility for all of us.


The more we connect with, feel, the Erotic within us.

The more we have experiences like the one I’ve shared, the more inspired we become.

And one expands into the other.

Inspiration expands in all of life.

Our dance expands in all of life.

Possibility expands in all of life.


I have always been able to be inspired by life, by the experiences, the people, what I see, what I hear, what I learn, what I feel.

And having someone in my life after so long inspires me more.

With gratitude to life, to love.