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One of the most important elements of what I teach is that we live in patterns and that most of our patterns are not conscious. We’re not aware of them, we simply do what we do, what we know, what we think works, what we’re comfortable doing.
Bruce Lipton talks about that we’re conscious about 5% of the day.
We’re awake for 16 hours, more or less, with awake being an interesting word in this context.
Awake meaning conscious and aware, making choices.
For the rest of the time we’re on autopilot, running in a programme.
Sexually may be the part of life we’re least conscious in, the part where our patterns run the deepest, where we make the least conscious choices.
Our sexuality is in our minds and in our bodies.
As soon as the thought of sex is present, regardless of the context, our patterns kick in.
In the body this generally means that we start a pattern of arousal that follows the path its always followed in our bodies and in our minds.
The thoughts begin, there’s an awareness.
The body begins its pattern based on the memory it has.
A good way to look at this is with the idea of muscle memory.
When a baby learns to eat the spoon goes all over, eventually it goes in the food, the food goes all over and in time the food goes in the baby’s mouth. We can eat and have an intense conversation while we’re eating and hardly look at what our hands are doing because we know the pattern so well.
When we begin having sex, in whatever way we do, the way we’re touched, the position of our body, every aspect of the experience becomes part of our sexual body.
And as the awareness of sex becomes present, the pattern kicks in, and our body does what it does.
What happens in our body is linked to the thoughts and beliefs we have, the education we’ve been given, which I’d generally fear-based and limited, not about pleasure. It’s also linked to the patterns that come from our parents, from religion, from culture, which are often subconsciously taken in. To our minds and our bodies. And impact on our sexuality.
We need to heal the body and we need to heal the mind.
Giving our bodies new sensations, new experiences, new ways of feeling, new ways of breathing, is where we start the change the patterns.
Slowly. Slowly. Slowly.
Our patterns have been there for a long time.
There’s a part of us that has one job, one priority, which is survival. This means keeping us safe. And safety is what we know.
So we go where we know within us, we do what we know.
This has nothing to do with fulfilment, with happiness.
It’s simply living in our pattern, which has been with us for so long. The patterns are deep inside of us, in the mind, in the body.
Our sexual patterns are in our muscles, in our joints, in our nerves, in our breath, in the position of our bodies, and of course in our genitals, in the tissue of our sexuality.
Healing is about creating a pattern of change.
It’s about opening, releasing, relaxing, letting go, allowing.
Force creates resistance.
Slowly. Slowly. Slowly.
We create a pattern of change, we open pathways of release, we rewire, reconfigure our bodies.
Slow touch.
Gentle touch.
Breathing.
Feeling.
Connecting with our body.
Coming into the body.
Creating possibility.
When you’re ready, you’re going to greet your yoni.
Greet every part of her, not just looking, saying hello as if you were greeting someone really special.
Do this with your lips, your clitoris, your urethra, your yoni opening, your perineum, every single element.
Then sit for a while, be aware of what you feel, what your thoughts are, how your body feels.
Without trying to create any expectations, what many women have shared is how emotional they felt, often tearful, how their yoni started talking to them, gave them a name, they saw her, saw themselves as being beautiful.
The 2nd part of this is The Story of Your Yoni.
You’re going to connect with her and allow her to tell you her story.
Your body is your subconscious mind.
It’s also the place where so many of our patterns are, where so much of our pain is.
And also where such possibility is.
I share this as a writing exercise.
Sit quietly.
Connect with your yoni, maybe hold her, breathe into her.
And allow her to tell you her story.
Sit with the pen and wait for it to start.
Not from your conscious mind, from your body.
When it starts it can happen in any way.
It might a sequential story, and it could jump all over.
It might be a few sentences and it might be pages and pages.
When it starts to slow down, when you start to think about what you’re writing, stop. That’s more of your mind than your body.
If it doesn’t happen now or today, leave it after about 10 mins. You can’t force it, you can’t rush it.
When it happens it can be deeply emotional, it can tell of so much hurt, in so many ways.
And it can also be about pleasure, the possibilities, what she’d like to experience.
Let it be what it is.
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