Healing Your Relationship


I spend a great deal of time listening to, and helping with relationship issues and problems. Here’s something about relationships.

If your relationship is really important to you then do what you need to do to heal it. If it’s not, and it’s okay for it not to be, then say so and do what you need to allow you both to create something that is.

The clarity this brings, as difficult as it may be, is powerful in that it shows us where we are, and what’s possible from there.

Being in a relationship is about presence. If you’re not present, if your attention, your heart, your body and your mind are not there, don’t be.

Being in a relationship is about intention and purpose. Why you’re in that space with that person. It’s a choice, a conscious choice. What do you get from it, what do you give, what’s healed, what’s revealed, what’s shared, what expands, what grows, what shows you who you are, where you’re stuck and blocked, what your fears are, what brings your insecurities to the surface, what triggers your anger, what separates you and what connects you.

Being in a relationship is about you.


You can’t heal a relationship.

You can heal yourself, change something within yourself. Your partner can do the same.

Then, and only then, can what’s between you change.

It’s not going to change by itself.

We’re going to change it.

If it’s important to us.

We show if it’s important through our actions, our willingness to learn, to grow, to heal, to release the patterns of the past and live in a way that shows what we really feel about it.

This is not lip service.

It’s not being there because it’s comfortable. Or maybe it is, if that’s what you want.

However, when your partner chooses to grow, when they see more of themselves, of life, of possibility, that’s when your relationship is going to be challenged. Our relationships are a reflection of what’s inside of us.

When I choose more for myself, I’m going to want to be able to choose more from my partner.

Then we see what’s important.


No one choice is better than another.

What’s important is to make the choice, to know where it’s coming from, love or fear, expansion or contraction.

And then do whatever it is that expresses that.

With commitment, with vitality, with your heart.