I’m on a mission at the moment.
It has 2 words, this mission of mine.
Slow. Gentle.
That’s it.
There are 2 really important words that will change a lot for you.
They’ll open a lot, they’ll expand a lot.
They’ll also heal a lot, almost as a side-effect.
Slow. Gentle.
These are things I’ve spoken about a lot in the 30 yrs I’ve been doing this work in Conscious Sexuality.
They’re coming up more, and the need for them is coming up more.
In a way, and I’m not exaggerating a lot, these could be relationship-changing words, maybe even more than that.
Let’s start here.
I’m working with some women at the beginning of their journey at the moment.
This mostly involves healing in some way, then expands into learning and exploring, expanding and growing. This work involves touch in many ways, eventually getting to Yoni touch.
We take time to get there, different for everyone. There’s no rush, there’s no target, there’s just your journey, in the time it takes.
From the very beginning, where we mostly start, working with the spine, the sacrament, slowly going deeper into the body. The touch is slow and gentle.
And every single person, man or woman, and women more than men, are quite blown away by the Slow and Gentle touch, and what it does.
There’s a lot more about that, but we’re on a mission here.
The next part of this is when we get to teaching people this touch.
And how, particularly in couples, what happens, more in women than men, when they experience that, feel that, what opens in the body, and in the heart.
Why women more than men?
Because so few women have been touched in this way.
This touch is both an offering and an invitation.
The offering is that it comes from a place inside that’s not performative, that’s not demanding, that doesn’t have anything hidden inside of it.
The invitation is that’s wanting to meet you, to feel you, as you feel into this.
It’s inviting your body, your heart, your nervous system to soften, and to feel.
It’s inviting and offering intimacy and connection.
It’s inviting and offering pleasure, in a way you may never have experienced before.
Because it’s inviting you to be as you are.
When you’re touched in this way, something inside of you says yes, Yes!
It’s not a touch that has any pressure
It’s not a touch that needs a lot of convincing, cajoling.
I bumped into a guy I haven’t seen for a long time the other day. Part of the conversation was how it seems women don’t really like sex, and how hard men have to work for sex. I did suggest that maybe there was another way, and shared a little with him.
I could see the doubt in his eyes, and knowing that he might have to do something different did not go down well.
I’m not sure if he’s willing to become a convert to The Gospel of Slow and Gentle.
This is important.
Touch is a conversation beyond words.
Our touch communicates our intention.
The body we’re touching, in an instant read that, subconsciously.
And says yes or no.
We may not consciously be aware of that, it will come to the surface. But the body knows.
The quality, not as a judgement, as an awareness, of that touch is read immediately, inside of us.
Think about that.
Then take a moment to think about touching in a way that’s inviting, open, softening, enticing, attracting, relaxing, exciting.
2 words. Slow, Gentle.
Then think about this.
That kind of touch, regardless of how long you’ve been in relationship with that person, regardless of how often you’ve touched, that kind of touch has the safety to say yes. Or no.
That moment of safety is one of the biggest gifts we can offer another.
Now we have to extend this a little.
If we can touch in this way, Slow and Gentle, can we do a little more.
Can we listen, Slow and Gentle.
Can we talk, Slow and Gentle.
Can we be with each other in a way that allows us to be with each other a little more. A little more aware, a little more awake.
There’s a little more care in this.
And that’s a big thing.
This matters because, and this is important too.
Touch is in the context of our lives.
Our touch, our kiss, our pleasure, our sex, is in the context of our lives.
It’s not something separate, it’s not in vacuum.
Talking harshly to someone, then touching for sex, what do you think the body says and does? I doubt it’s a yes.
Our touch is an extension of who we are.
Learning to touch in this way, and it is a learning, often even for men who think they’re going slow, makes such a difference in love and life.
That’s my mission of the moment.
There was a time we may have intrinsically known how to touch like this, and how to listen to when someone has guided us.
That’s been drummed, conditioned, patterned, out of us.
And if we look at what is one of the prime sources of education for many of us for sex, porn, there is no way we’ve been told this.
Nowhere in porn, in movies, do you see, hear, Slow and Gentle.
I’ve watched what happens in relationships when there’s Slow and Gentle touch.
How much opens.
I’ve watched what happens to bodies, to hearts, when there’s Slow and Gentle touch.
How much heals, how much releases.
I’m not naive or arrogant enough to say that it will change the world.
Something happens inside of us when we learn to touch Slow and Gentle.
Something emerges, over time, where we look at each other differently. With more awareness, more gentleness.
You’ll read this, and you might think, you might ask, what about the fire, the passion.
It’s there, oh it’s there.
More than ever, deeper and hotter than you can imagine.
When the base is there, the foundation.
And the foundation is Slow and Gentle.
On one hand this is simple.
Slow and Gentle.
It’s an art and a skill.
It begins with some learning, what it is, really, and how to. Really how to.
And what it means.
I’ve been sharing this for a long time.
It’s important, it can open so much in you, between you.
If something in this makes you think, makes you maybe want to explore, send me a message, we’ll talk.
