Intimacy Bypass

Share

 

 

I was thinking about intimacy, sex, making love. I was contemplating a piece I thought I was ready to write called Forpelay of the Heart. That wasn’t quite there, this was.

 

Often, for many of us, sex is a bypass of intimacy.

Orgasm is a bypass of intimacy.

 

We’ve been conditioned to think that sex and intimacy are the same thing.

They’re not.

That doesn’t mean they can’t be, of course they can. If we have a very different kind of sex, or rather, in a different way.

But for so many of us we put sex and intimacy in bed together and they’re not.

Which often leads to frustration, a lack of fulfillment, an awareness deep down that something is lacking, that we’re looking for something else, it doesn’t feel… complete.

It’s almost like being hungry and you don’t know what you want. You try a bit of this, a mouthful of that, it’s not what you want.

And when you find it, oh, the satisfaction. There’s a settling, a peace, a knowing.

Everything inside of you takes a breath, a sigh. There’s a quiet.

Intimacy.

 

We connect arousal and intimacy, because we connect sex and intimacy.

And they’re not the same.

They can be, of course they can.

When arousal is in the heart.

For most of us it’s in the body, in our genitals.

Which is delicious, oh yes it is.

And when it stays there, and we take into sex in the way we mostly do, the goal of orgasm, penetration, genital friction, that’s what it is.

And that’s where it stays.

 

Intimacy is of the heart.

Intimacy is presence.

Intimacy is softening, vulnerable revealing.

Intimacy is opening, my heart to yours.

Intimacy is feeling.

There’s a slowing down to feel, to savor, the depth, the subtlety.

Intensity arises from this deep place.

It needs openness, softness to come to us, to our eyes, to our mouths, to our skin.

Intimacy is the conversation between our hearts, expressed in our gaze, our breath, our touch.

Intimacy doesn’t have a place to be, a goal, it’s this moment, that flows into the next naturally.

I show myself in intimacy, everything, every touch, gesture, word, shows me to you, you to me.

It intensifies desire, and at the same time softens it, so it can flow into my heart, your heart, between us, around us.

Intimacy is being rather than doing, we are intimate.

 

One of the most important things I teach is about patterns, conditioning, of the mind, of the body.

I also talk a lot about how we get very little education for pleasure, love, and intimacy.

We’ve put them together, in sex, and in this we bypass intimacy.

So many of us are on an endless search for more, in every part of life.

We’re even searching for happiness, fulfillment.

We’re searching for spirituality.

It’s all there, within us. It always has been.

It’s in dropping into our own hearts that we become aware of what’s there, intimacy.

 

Bring your desire into your heart.

Bring your arousal into your heart.

Slow down.

Breathe.

Open yourself to be met.

Open yourself so that that which is deep within you can drift to the surface, to awareness, to be seen, felt, loved.

Intimate.