Over the past year I’ve worked more than ever with women who have been diagnosed as having low libido.
I’d like to add some possibilities to this that has helped many women make a difference in their pleasure, their lives and their relationships.
I’ve come to see that it’s a puzzle with different elements. Some are commonly, some are more personal. And I’ve also come to see that healing is most effective when we look at all the elements, put them in context, see the connections, how all the pieces fit together to create a picture of possibilities.
The first thread is about patterns.
The way we work is in patterns. Many of our patterns have a physical base. If our body does something a few times it starts to become a pattern. The more it happens the more entrenched the pattern becomes. When we add a stress to the pattern it gets locked in place deeply within us.
Every time we’re in a situation where that pattern is going to be expressed it comes online. We go into a space where we simply react. The body does what it’s been doing for however long it’s been doing it.
If we can change the pattern we can change what’s happening in the body.
The next thread is about beliefs.
The beliefs we’ve been given and have internalised about sex, about pleasure, about our bodies and our genitals.
Most of what women get about sex is negative, it’s about not getting pregnant, not getting STI’s etc. It’s not about pleasure, and the standard of pleasure is measured more in terms of male satisfaction than hers.
Women also get incredibly confusing messages about their sexuality. It’s used for everything in our world, and if a woman expresses her sexual power she’s labelled a slut.
These beliefs create an enormous disconnect from pleasure, from our bodies and the power they have.
If we can change the beliefs we can change how we see pleasure.
The next thread is pressure and performance.
We’ve made the goal of sex orgasm instead of pleasure.
This is much more about ego expression, male ego, than anything else.
This pressure often takes us far away from pleasure. The demand to succeed becomes far greater than anything else, everything else is seen as failure.
Linked to this is a mixture of communication, intimacy, sensuality.
This is often a tangled knot of threads that takes time, patience, skill, insight, understanding and so many other things to unravel.
It includes creating a space of freedom for a woman to express what she wants, to be sexually acknowledged. It includes understanding that awakening and connecting to her heart brings about more healing and change than almost anything else. It includes learning that when there is sensuality, sex flows easier.
If we can change the way we see pleasure we can relax into it.
The next thread in this picture is energy.
Everything in our world is energy, has a frequency. Everything in our bodies is energy. It needs to flow. Stress, patterns, disconnect, pressure, all come together to create energy blockages in the body.
This impacts on us in every physical way, chemically, emotionally, muscularly, nervously…
If we can release these blockages the body starts to change and heal itself in many ways.
The next thread is touch.
The way a woman is touched has enormous impact on her sexual response.
Most of us get little or no education in sensuality, in touch, in how to awaken and arouse sexual energy and response.
If we can change the way we touch, teach people how to touch differently, we can expand the possibilities.
These are just some of the threads in the complex picture of our sexuality that manifest in a state of sexual energy not flowing, flowering and expressing itself in the many beautiful ways it can.
When we look at the healing possibilities that bodywork, breathe, visualisation, energy release etc can bring, we can change things to allow for more pleasure.