A lot of times, if we don’t make time, it doesn’t happen.
Make time for pleasure.
Make time for intimacy.
Make time for connection.
Make time for play.
There’s something I hear lots from people I work with.
‘We don’t have time.’
I’ve come to see this.
We have time for so many other things, we don’t make time, for each other, for ourselves, for pleasure and intimacy.
We don’t make time for love.
We have time.
It’s all we have.
And sadly what happens, especially in so many relationships, is that we put sex and pleasure far down the list.
We put our relationship far down the list.
And in time, we see the sometimes devastating effects of this.
We either shut this part of ourselves down, bit by bit. Because we become dissatisfied by nothing but the late-night quickies, the unfulfilling sex, the lack of intimacy and connection, the pressure to perform, to have an orgasm.
Or we go looking for it somewhere else.
And often something else happens.
When we’re not fulfilled, the frustration and resentment we feel comes out in other ways, in other aspects of our relationship.
Sometimes even subconsciously, we’re not aware of it, and when we have fulfilling sex and intimacy we feel more relaxed, happier, more connected, easier.
I talk about sex and intimacy here because they’re deeply connected, and also sometimes separate.
Sex isn’t always intimate, and that’s OK.
The power of physical pleasure, the chemicals it releases in the body, the way it impacts on our nervous system is vital for health in so many ways.
When we add intimacy, of course it’s a deeper experience, that touches more of us.
But goodness takes time.
It doesn’t have to take a lot of time, but when we’re tired, when it’s late, when it’s a roll-on-roll-off, it’s not always satisfying.
It’s important to understand that we can enjoy a great variety of sexual, pleasure and intimate experiences.
And when there’s an underlying intimacy, a state of fulfilment, of being relaxed in pleasure, the quickies, the playing around, all become more pleasurable.
The problem is when that’s all there is.
We’re not really taught the importance of this in a relationship.
And so much of the idea we get about sex is so goal-oriented, so orgasm driven.
Over time we let even that go.
And it’s only often when we get to a crisis, when we acknowledge the problem, and we’re willing to do something about it, that we begin learning and exploring.
Intimacy is the fabric of a relationship.
That’s what holds it together.
And there are so many ways to express and cultivate this.
Now that’s key, cultivate it, nurture it, grow it, expand it, explore it.
Learn about it, in ourselves and each other.
And make time for it.
Otherwise it just doesn’t happen.
We have this amazing illusion about spontaneity.
It’s all going to happen as if by magic.
Our desire is aligned, we want the same thing at the same time.
And were going to know exactly what each other wants.
The movies give us this idea, and we think that’s how it’s going to be.
It’s an illusion.
We make time for everything else.
We make time for pleasure.
And we plan it, like we’re making a recipe.
We gather the ingredients.
We make a place for the meal, even if it’s just a delicious snack.
The planning, the putting it in a diary creates an anticipation, an excitement.
And deeper than that, we feel seen, acknowledged, desired.
It’s important, we’re important.
Our bodies and hearts are important.
When we undertake a journey of sensual, sexual, exploration and learning, we see just how many possibilities there are for us, how many ways we can connect.
Some of these don’t have to be longer than 5 minutes, a Heart Salutation, Eye-Gazing, Sensual Hands Dancing, a Foot Massage, a Face Massage, Breathing Together…
In a short time we can experience intimacy, we can touch, we can be present with each other.
We make time.
We book time.
We create experiences of pleasure, of togetherness.
Sometimes we talk about them, make them happen together. Sometimes we surprise each other.
There is a game I teach couples.
Write 3 things that you’d like to do, give or receive on pieces of paper. Your partner does the same.
Roll them up.
You each pick one.
They don’t have to be long.
But don’t forget to make time for the deeper experiences as well.
Things like Expanded Energy Orgasm, Massage, Deep Sensual Experiences, Conscious Tantric Experiences.
When we make time, we create possibility.
When we make time, we see more and more how important these moments are.
We see, we feel, we experience, the gifts of connection, the power of intimacy and pleasure.
We see what an open heart brings into our lives.
We see what it is to live with more love, more touch, more sexual energy, more eroticism.
How much more alive we are, more creative.
More fulfilled.
And if we don’t make time, it doesn’t happen.
And often then, our relationship doesn’t happen.
It’s sad, but it’s true, that until we become more aware of the power of intimacy we don’t make this important.
I invite you to step into a different way of being, in life, in love.
Into limitless possibility…
