Male Sexual Control

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An important piece of this work came to me today.

 

There are so many men who struggle with early ejaculation, and are silent about it.

There is still shame, despair and embarrassment about it. It leads to deep frustration, anger, withdrawal and disconnect.

It impacts enormously on relationships, on a man’s self- image, personal power, self-definition, creativity, social interactions and more.

 

I’ve worked with men with this issue for a long time, mostly very successfully.

And today a big piece of this allowed my understanding to deepen.

 

From the beginning, briefly…

 

We live in patterns.

Our patterns are in our minds and in our bodies.

Something happens once, twice, more it becomes a pattern.

In this instance it happens once to a man.

It’s stressful.

We contract, tighten up. That’s a natural reaction.

When the next sexual experience is there, even the thought of it, before we’re in the situation, the thought is there, is it going to happen again. It does, and again, it becomes a pattern.

Regardless of what our desire is, regardless of telling ourselves that it’s not going to happen.

It happens.

 

It’s important to say here that this happens to probably over 75% of men sometimes, and doesn’t become an issue.

And for some of us, it does.

The pattern becomes set.

And our bodies simply reproduce the pattern.

And our mind, wonderful helpful minds are often no help with fearful thoughts they bring to the party.

 

The next thing that’s important to understand is that everything is an energy, and this pattern is an expression of energy. It’s like a river that needs to flow, if it’s not flowing the water gets dirty and nasty and full of junk. These become the blockages in our lives, the points we can’t get past. We swirl around them, back off, come back to the same point again.

 

There are, as I see it, two theories of healing in the world.

The first is a pain based theory.

I have a pain, on any level, physical, mental, emotional, sexual… And all I want is the pain fixed. This is a contractive theory as it focuses on the pain.

 

The other theory is about possibility.

If the pain wasn’t there what could I do, how would I be, what’s possible?

This is where I work.

 

How do we expand the energy field to create possibilities, and in this much of the pain is able to heal itself.

Within us is the most amazing healing wisdom and abilities. Our bodies know how to do so much, if we create a space of relaxation, of release, of flow.

 

I know that most of the work regarding early ejaculation, and I’m talking from a body perspective here, not medication, focuses on control of the pelvic floor muscles through contraction, tightening of the muscles.

 

I came to see that the power is in relaxation rather than contraction.

And the piece that fell into place today is that it’s about energy moving, not being blocked.

Contraction creates blockage.

Relaxation allows for flow.

When the energy can flow it can move through the body, it can move away from the pelvis, away from the genitals.

And this is how men can learn to control their sexual energy.

 

The power is in the relaxation.

 

Control creates contraction.

Relaxation allows flow.

In flow things change.

In flow there is healing.

 

Because this is a stressful space for the men who experience it, stress creates contraction, takes us deeper into the tightening of the pattern pushes it deeper into the body, and into the mind. And every time it happens, it goes deeper. And the more we try and control it though tightening these muscles, and don’t, because it takes an enormous amount of work to make that happen, we go deeper into the frustration and everything else it brings.

 

Learning to relax, to breathe, to move the energy in the body is where the power and possibility are.

And this lasts.

I’ve seen it happen time and time again.

 

There are many elements to this issue, and it needs to be healed in the mind, in the body and in the heart. We need to look at so many aspects of life, the power is in the relaxation.

 

If you’d like to know more about the process I work with please email me, jonti@eroslife.co.za.

And as a man who struggles with this, please know that it can be different.

There are possibilities.