Masturbation as Meditation





Last week I shared a link to a TED Talk, Masturbation is The New Meditation.

If you didn’t see it the link to the talk it’s at the end of this piece.

So many people liked and shared it that it made me think of the ways we can make masturbation a meditation and I’d like to share some of these ideas and practices with you. I teach them in my practice and on The Conscious Self-Pleasuring Workshop and they can deepen your connection to your own sexuality, to your sexual energy and expand your self-pleasuring time.

Some of these are much bigger ideas and practices and even they just give you something to think about that’s fantastic.

Let’s begin with the idea of patterns. This is such an important principle to understand when we want to heal, to change, to do something differently.

We live in patterns. Which means that we do the same thing in the same way. These patterns are in our bodies, they’re in our minds and they’re in our energy. Because of the way our minds work it keeps us in these patterns because it’s safe and we know them. They may not bring us happiness, the may not allow us to create fulfilment, they may limit and inhibit us. But we know them, so we do them.

What does this have to do with masturbation and self-pleasuring you may ask? And it’s a good question.

When you’re going to do something new, something different, your mind and your body will often take you back into the pattern, because it’s familiar, because we know it.

Be patient with yourself. That’s the point.

When you’re establishing a new practice, a new way of doing things, it requires patience and practice. We said that there are ways to make this a meditative experience. That means changing a pattern. It requires awareness, consciousness of what you’re doing because your mind and body will take you back into the pattern, which is generally orgasm-oriented, often with a certain level of mental and other stimulation, fantasies, images, stories etc.

And that’s absolutely fine, but there’s more.

The next idea is that of intention.

The clearer we are on the intention of the experience the more we connect to it, the more we can create a practice that will give us that.

Would you like to feel more in your body, would you like to use the energy to feel more peaceful, would you like more intense orgasms, would you like to explore your body more, would you like to explore different sensations and feelings, would you like to experience more of your sexual energy, would you like your heart to be more open…

The intention links to how we create that, what do we need to know, what do we need to learn, what are the steps to have that experience…

Then understand that if this is a meditative, or healing, or growth experience it’s great to create a space for that, to have what you need to be comfortable. You might want to light some candles, maybe music, and if you’re going to have music does it resonate with what you’re doing. Lubricant is really important, and my lube advice is this, the plainer the product the better it is for you, and you want something that will stay on your skin not rub in. think about towels, blankets, pillows, water etc. when you create a space in this way you’re bringing a consciousness to the practice. And I need to add that your phone is off!

Then think about orgasm.

Orgasm is generally our pattern.

When we change that we can change the pattern deeply.

Orgasms are wonderful, yes they are. And there’s more.

When it’s all about orgasm, and only about orgasm, we’re in the pattern. If we’d like to feel more, to experience more of our bodies, more sensation, different sensation, connect with our hearts, feel our sexual energy, be able to use the energy we need to have a different perspective. Taking orgasm away, for now, allows us to be more present, to feel more, there’s no goal so we can be with ourselves more fully we can explore more in all ways.

The first practice is breathing.

This alone can deepen the experience.

Breathing, when we’re focussing on the breath, brings us more into our bodies. We feel more, in every way.

Breathing helps us get out of our minds, out of the thoughts, the fantasies, the pattern of what we need to do to get there. In the beginning of trying this you may actually feel less than you’re used to because the pattern is that you need a certain stimulation, visual, words, thoughts, whatever it is for you. In time breathing will help you create amazing experiences. There are also different kinds of breath for different experiences and energy. For example a Fire Breath builds Fire Energy for a deeper experience.

For now focus on slow, deep breaths. That’s all you have to do.

Breath in, breath out. Touch yourself. Feel.

When your mind wanders, and it will, come back to your breath. Slow, deep breaths.

Be patient.

Then add relaxation to the breath,

For most of us, sex in any way, is a contractive experience, especially where orgasms are involved. There are different kinds of orgasm, and they’re not all contractive, but that’s what we mostly experience.

The deeper we breathe the more we can relax, the more we relax the deeper we breathe. This is a powerful way to change the pattern. When you relax the sensation deepens, you feel more. The energy can flow in your body, it can become a more full-body experience.

Keep breathing, relax your body, touch, caress, stroke, relish the sensations and feelings.

Then lie still and be with yourself, your body, your energy. In time it will become a meditation.

If you take this to an orgasm it will be quite a different experience, more internal, sometimes lasting longer, waves of energy and pleasure moving through you.

That can be a beautiful start to exploring and expanding self-pleasuring as a meditation.

To expand and deepen your self-pleasuring I’ll soon be doing an online presentation of the full Conscious Self-Pleasuring Workshop. If you’d like info about that please email me,

Here’s the link to the video: