Men’s Work



On a Lover’s Training Retreat I attended recently, amazingly facilitated by my friend Valentina Love, I worked with men as well as women.

Most of my work has always been with women, there being a greater willingness to heal, explore, learn and grow.

And I love it, celebrate, when men come and do their work.

Whatever a man identifies as sexually, whether he comes from a place of pain, as most of us do, whether he comes to learn more, whether he’s curious, even when he wants to learn to be a Tantric Master in 3 easy steps, I celebrate.


This is how we change things in our world.

We do our work.

We go on our journeys of healing, of release, of learning who we are, where we come from, and where we can go, who we can become.

We do our work.


We learn about our bodies, we learn about our hearts, we learn about our energy, we learn about our sex, we learn about the mystery that we are.

We acknowledge ourselves, what we’ve done.

And as a man who has made every mistake a man could make, we look into ourselves. And we begin to live differently.

We learn about what it is to be man.

Not a warped society’s idea that simply upholds a system that keeps us trapped in an impossible world.

Not an external judgement based on what we have, how we look, what we can achieve.

Not conforming to a religious or political belief that oppressed us as much as we oppress others.

Not a way of living that doesn’t allow us to question who we are.

Not a tradition based on the fear of what we’d lose if we stopped taking.

Not a way of being that separates us from our hearts.

Not a way of expressing ourselves that has fear of our hearts.

Not a way of life that doesn’t allow the fullness of who we are to be there, to show up.

Not a way that keeps us from the power of vulnerability.

And not a way that disconnects us from deep sharing and connection with our brothers.


In a space such as we were on the retreat, and something that happens at Water Massage, and other workshops. There are sometimes more men than women. These are touch experiences. And for many men, most men, this is the first time in their lives that they’ve experienced this touch, this intimacy, which is not sexual, with another man.

The thought of that for so many men is terrifying.

And something we so desire as well.

The freedom it gives us is amazing.

The connection it gives us is heart-opening.

It’s sometimes confusing, challenging, with beliefs like what does it mean if I enjoy this coming to the fore.

So what. So fucking what.

It’s who you are.

A sensual man in the world.

Longing for connection and touch and acknowledging and belonging.

And so much took you away from that.


Come home.

Come home to yourself.

And I reaffirm my commitment to men, to sharing this journey, to creating possibilities.

To the heart of men.