This is a beautiful and powerful sharing of a woman’s experience on this journey.
My journey started with Jonti as a path to repairing the relationship with my husband. My husband wanted to explore other partners and realised that not one person cannot fulfil every part of you. This was hard to hear and wrap my head around. I wanted a divorce, we were done. But what about my children. I came from a broken home and I do not want my kids (2 years old and 6 months old) to experience the same. They are too young and need stability. We had done couples therapy and our last resort was seeing a tantric healer.
Walking into Jonti’s world was daunting with a lot of fear. I didn’t know what to expect. And in all honesty, looking back, I stepped into this world for my husband and children, not realising how much this journey would heal and awaken me.
My sexuality was dead inside. I recall vividly saying to Jonti at our introductory session, with my husband present, that “I could live without sex. I don’t need it and I don’t desire it.” I mean of course my husband would want to seek sexual encounters with others. He wasn’t getting it at home. I laugh at myself now when I recall those words. It couldn’t be farther from the truth. And looking back now, I had suppressed my sexuality, my desires and my needs.
Jonti explained that he would need to work one on one with me. I remember thinking of my husband as Jonti said this. My husband is the one that wants to open up the relationship, I’m here for “us” but he needs to work one on one with me! Now I need individual work? And what work? What does he mean “one on one”. What would we do?
We started off slow. Opening up my chakras, through light touch and massage. Jonti taught us heart breath. How to connect with oneself and one another. It wasn’t easy. A lot of emotion began to arise inside of me. I always thought I allowed myself to feel my feelings but clearly I was wrong.
We attended workshops as a couple: waterflow, a sensual massage weekend and even volunteered for a live experience. If you had asked me that this is where I would be 8 months ago, I would have laughed at you. Never. The best part of all this, we’ve met other couples and individuals in the exact same position as us. All different walks of life but all in the same boat. It gets me wondering, if monogamy is supposed to be “the norm”, how can there be so many others contemplating the same journey.
Jonti provided us with tools to communicate better. Gave us insight on what giving and receiving pleasure really meant. I started to learn so much about “me”. What I wanted, what I liked and most of all I learnt that in pleasure, in my sexual encounters with my husband and even historical partners, I wasn’t doing it for myself. I wasn’t doing it for my pleasure. I was doing it for my partner’s pleasure. I was never present and most of all I never fully allowed myself to surrender and let go. I never allowed myself to receive.
Through this work with Jonti, I stopped chasing the orgasm. I was in the moment. Accepting each intimate encounter as a new experience. What will this show me and what will this teach me. How to be fully present, to feel everything inside me. And oh boy, there is so much pleasure. I’m not dead inside!!!
I started discovering what my beliefs were and how some are so limiting. Beliefs that weren’t even mine. Some generational traumas passed onto me. I’m navigating these now. Asking myself the hard questions.
I am more open now. I feel more and I desire more. Is my relationship with my husband perfect. No, not in the slightest. Does my husband still want sexual encounters with others. Yes! And the funniest thing is, so do I. Those beliefs, the ones that aren’t mine, I’m starting to let go of. I’m starting to see the possibilities that are out there. Do I still have fear? Yes! The fear of loving someone else. The fear that my husband will love someone else. But what are the possibilities. How magnificent to have a heart so big that you can love more than one person. These are the things we talk about as a couple. We have the hard conversations. We are more connected and best of all, we have learnt to hold space for one another. We never did that before.
There’s so much more to penetrative sex. To have your soul penetrated by another is the true meaning of making love. Jonti has given me and us the tools to experience this.
Open yourself up. Don’t let the fear be the driving factor. Don’t limit yourself. If you’re curious and want to know more, reach out to Jonti. Have the conversation. There’s so much out there. There’s so much more.
