On Saturday I taught a Perineal Massage Workshop.
It’s a workshop I developed with a midwife many years ago, that’s based on a practice of intimacy and pleasure, rather than discomfort or downright pain, which is what most Perineal Massage shows.
BTW, through this work, her clients have the highest intact perineum’s in South Africa.
A big part of this workshop is Yoni Anatomy, Pleasure Anatomy. And over all the years of teaching this, the questions that are asked, at the event and afterwards have consistently shown something.
How little so many of us know about our own bodies, and that of our partner’s.
How little we know about communication.
And the same thing happens on every single workshop or lesson that’s about pleasure practices.
You might think that with the access to information we have, unparalleled in human history, it would be different.
And yet, as a generalization, it’s not.
And what’s so interesting is that with our access to these resources, we’d think that the sexual problems we have, for both men and women, would be less. They’re not.
And you might think, as an extension of this, that we’d have better, which means so many things, relationships. We don’t.
Here’s the thing, a few things actually.
Sex, sensuality, intimacy, emotional communication, eroticism, are still one of, if not, the most judged aspect of life.
It’s still the hardest thing for so many of us to talk about.
The guilt, the shame, the embarrassment, the myths, the misinformation, abounds.
Inside, we’re still the same.
And with even more possibility, more choice, it’s become harder, not easier.
One of the biggest issues in this is the relationship with our bodies, which goes back to where we began this.
We know what our hands do, we see them, we watch them. We might not know a lot of the mechanics, the physiology, the anatomy, we have an awareness.
We don’t, many of us, have that relationship with our genitals, with our sexuality, our sensuality and eroticism.
We know how to have sex, friction sex, porn sex, movie sex, social media sex, goal-oriented sex, ego sex.
Making love, sexual energy, intimacy, deeper, sacred sexual experiences…a world of strangeness.
And yet that’s the world so many of us desire.
That’s where we’re seen, heard, felt, acknowledged, known.
That’s the space of awareness, consciousness, our authentic sexual expression.
And something as seemingly simple as connecting with our own bodies, learning a little more, is such a powerful opening to this.
It takes things, and this is a great example, knowing where the G-Spot is, what it is, how to find it, how to awaken it, how to touch it, what it can do…
It takes something as seemingly simple as that, to open the door to that relationship with ourselves, and with our lovers.
It takes this talked-about mystery and brings it into knowingness.
It opens the way to even more, A-Spot, P-Spot, K-Spot, Cervix, Heart, Throat…
This relationship with ourselves, with our sexuality and pleasure, has a voice. It’s the voice of what we’d like, what we don’t like. How, where, we’d like to touched. It’s the voice of what we want.
In time it becomes the voice of what’s important to us in a deeper way.
It’s the voice that guides us out of the mediocrity many of us experience sexually, and emotionally.
It’s the voice that takes us out of the junk-food, hook-up,late-night-tired-release sex into something that may be a little more nourishing for us.
That may just touch something inside that allows us to be seen as more than just another body.
It’s also the voice of our hearts.
The voice of our intimacy.
And that’s a voice that’s a stranger to many of us, until we hit a crisis.
It’s the voice of how we’d like to be loved, of what matters to us.
It’s the voice of what we’d like to explore, discover, experience.
It’s the voice inside of us that knows something, which we’ve kept secret, because to say it, well to let it speak creates upheaval.
It’s the voice that longs, with every cell in our body, to utter the secret of how much we are, of how vast we are, of how deep we are, of how much love and pleasure and energy is within us. And how it longs to express itself, to dance in life with all the joy, all the chaos, all the beauty and passion it has.
And it begins with the relationship with our bodies, beginning to know ourselves.
Beginning to see who we are.
Beginning to live in this space of delicious possibility.
