Sex and Sensuality as a Practice



During one of the workshops in Cape Town a while ago a beautiful idea emerged.

Sex and sensuality as a practice.


It came out of a discussion of the purpose of sex, why we have sex, and the possibilities it has for us.


To look at sex in this way requires a mind shift.

We have to go beyond seeing sex in the box we’ve put it in. We have to go beyond sex for love, for pleasure, for connection, for intimacy.

It’s all of those, and there’s so much more.

We have to go beyond the fixation we have with orgasm.

And we have to learn a range of practices.


Let’s start with the more.

The more begins with turning it inwards.

We get something from all health and spiritual practices that we engage in. We’re doing whatever we’re doing for ourselves. To release stress, to feel more connected to ourselves, to the Universe, Spirit, God, Goddess , whatever we call that, to refresh ourselves, as a tool for enquiry, for learning about ourselves, for healing ourselves, for being more creative, more inspired, for inner peace and so much more.

Whatever we get from yoga, from meditation, from dancing, from whatever we do, sexual and sensual practice has such deep and wide possibilities for us.


Then we have to go beyond orgasm.

We generally have made orgasm the holy grail, the criterion for a successful sexual experience.

It becomes a trap.

Orgasms are wonderful. There are different  types of orgasm. The energy of orgasm has many of its own amazing gifts.

But if we’re having sex just for orgasm, our own or to make someone come, we’ll stay in the place of that’s what sex is about.

This often leads to a lack of fulfillment that’s difficult to identify. Something struck me a while ago, just because you’re having orgasms doesn’t mean you’re having fulfilling sex.

I think it’s one of the reasons we look for more, different partners, different experiences, greater excitement. We’re looking for fulfillment and we have no idea what it is. We’re not looking within, we’re not looking for the depth of experience, we’re not looking for connection with ourselves so we look outside of ourselves.


Then there’s the learning.

To explore sex and sensuality as a practice we need to learn a range of possibilities.

For most of us sex follows a pattern. We tend to do the same thing in the same way. It works, or we think it does, it’s our comfort zone, or it’s what we know. So we do it.


Sex as practice has intention, it has purpose.

We create a space.

We come into the space with awareness of what we’re going to do.


When we can do this it takes one of the biggest obstacles to this deeper experience out of the way.

Desire, arousal, turn-on.

We think that has to be there.

It doesn’t.


A Conscious Sexual Energy experience as meditation, as connection, as relaxation, as healing, requires presence. We show up. We do what we’ve decided the experience will involve, and then we carry on with what we’re doing.

It’s not about orgasm, it can be.

It’s not about penetration, it can be.

It’s not even always about feeling loving or intimate, though it can be.

It’s about coming together as a practice of the heart, the spirit, the body and the mind.


This doesn’t take away from pleasure, from lovemaking, from orgasm, from sexual exploration, from playing, from fun, excitement and all the other wonderful things that sex has for us.


It’s about that there’s so much more than we think sex is.

It’s a lifelong journey of exploration, growth and possibility.