Sexually Bored, You Must Be Asleep!



Recently a few people, both couples and single people have come to see me because they’re sexually bored.


I’ve been teaching in the field of Conscious Sexuality for over 20 years, and this is a pretty common thing. In fact in long-term relationships it’s one of the biggest sexual issues that people encounter. And sometimes it doesn’t have to be experienced in a long relationship.

Often we’re bored with our own sexuality, which has nothing to do with our partner’s, it’s fully about us. I’m going to come back to that a little later on.


Recently something landed for me about being sexually bored.

If you are, bored with your sexuality, with the experiences that you’re having you’re either asleep, unconscious, disconnected, so stuck in a pattern, so goal-oriented, so in expectation, so deep in a pattern.

How else can you be sexually bored?


Firstly, this body, this amazing body, is a field of limitless sensations and possibilities. What we can experience, with every part of our body, when it’s awake, alive and vital, is such a vast range of sensations and feelings, as to never be bored with them.

If we are bored, we’re not present, we’re not feeling. We’re numb or disconnected, or elsewhere. We’re definitely not in our body.


Let’s stay with the body, and our senses for a while here.

Our senses offer us an endless, ever changing discovery of perception, of perspective, and of sensing.

Our eyes, our vision, what we see. Looking at our lover, at their body, their face, their genitals, is amazing.

If we’re seeing the same thing every time then we’re not seeing, we’re not looking.

We’re in a memory, seeing what we think we’ve seen before, what we expect to see.


If we’re tasting our lover, their skin, their mouths, their sex, their sweat, their nectar, and it tastes the same, we’re not present.

If we’re hearing the same words, the same sounds, sighs, moans, we’re listening to a recording.


If we’re touching, oh if we’re touching, and it feels the same, we’re not feeling. We’re touching a thought, not the body, the pulsating, throbbing body, so full of life next to us.

If our kiss is the same it’s because we’re doing what we always do, and just expecting that their lips, their mouths, their tongues are the same they were whenever.


Then there is energy, sexual energy, a power that goes as deep, as vast as the universe. Because it is.

It’s the energy of life-force, of creation, of magic and mystery.

A journey into sexual energy is a life-long journey of continuous discovery, exploration.

Awareness upon awareness opening within us, between us.

It’s the energy of the Divine in sex, and it’s time for a brief digression.

We talk, some of us anyway, about Sacred Sex. If we we’re experiencing sex as sacred, as worship, our bodies as Divine Altars, our skin, our liquids, as Divine, do you think we’d be bored?

How can we be bored if we’re ecstatic?


Next is our minds, our endless minds, and all the thoughts, fantasies, it can create and explore.

It’s interesting that most of us have a ‘fantasy playbook’. We have what works, and we keep coming back to it. Until it doesn’t work, it doesn’t excite us any more.


Then, oh my word, the range of things we can do sensually, sexually…..

I’ve been exploring, teaching, learning, experiencing, actively for most of my adult life.

There are so many things I’ve done.

And so much more to explore.

Recently I became entranced with a new way of using rope, that led me to create an amazing new experience. It’s opened a door to wide exploration, both for myself, my clients and partners.

I’ve also, very recently been drawn to something I never was before, let’s call it a liquid activity for now.

I’m not alone in this, there are so many of us being endlessly creative, and excited, and interested and loving the loving, the pleasure, the possibilities.


Next we’re going to talk about intimacy.

If we are intimate in an experience, we are touched. We’re connected, we’re present. We’re feeling, we’re engaged.

Intimacy is of the heart, and I ask, do you think your heart is ever bored?

The nature of the heart is to open, to love.

Intimacy is layer after layer revealing itself, in so many ways. It opens our eyes, our senses, it brings us into awareness, it takes us deeper into the body. It takes us deep into ourselves, into every part of us, and from this place we can connect with our lovers.


And we have to talk about talking, about communication.

Because if we’re bored, fair chance we’re not talking about what we want, what we crave, what we hunger for.

We’re not talking about what we’d like to experience, explore, try, taste etc


Here are a few things…


We get very little education for pleasure, and the importance of pleasure.

Not only for our relationships, but for our own well-being in so many ways.


We live in patterns, and most of what we do is simply repeating patterns that we’re not even aware of.

The patterns are in our minds and in our bodies, which keep us doing the same things again and again, without much awareness.

Sex is the same.

When we understand that we can change the patterns, so much begins to change.


For most of us the goal of sex is orgasm.

And as wonderful as orgasms are, most of us are looking for the release of orgasm rather than the feeling of orgasm, the energy of orgasm.

When we understand that there’s more, we’ll, so much else starts to change.


Like all paths of learning, growth, healing, exploring, this takes energy, it takes a willingness, it takes a dedication, and what a wonderful thing to be dedicated to, the Practice of Pleasure.

It takes a willingness to acknowledge that in today’s world, for so many of us, sex is still the part of life we judge the most, don’t know not a lot about, and still have such high levels of sexual issues that we don’t do much about!

It scares us, it challenges us, it touches our egos, our fears. We know, maybe just have a vague idea, of the power of our sexuality. And when we’ve had a taste of something so delicious, so alluring, so enticing, so freeing, so vital, so Divine, we want more.

And that changes many things in our lives, in our world. It raises many questions.

Because our sexuality is so connected to every aspect of life.


As I look at what I’ve written here I see how connected all these things are, in this incredible web of possibility. How our sex is an expression of energy. When we understand energy the way we see relationships change. When we see our bodies differently we sense the world differently. It goes on and on.

I also know that this is just touching the surface of so many things.

There’s a book here, hmmm.


I look forward to sharing more of these ideas, and the practices that help us change them, with you.


And I remember, I said I’d come back to being bored with ourselves.

That’s where so much of it comes from.

We don’t have a relationship with our own bodies, or own hearts, our own sensuality, sexuality and energy that’s alive, vibrant, dynamic.

It all begins with us.


If you think you’re bored, send me a message, give me call, we can do something about it.