Slow Subtle Super Sex



Yesterday’s coffee was a cortado.

The easiest way to explain a cortado is an intense cappuccino.

And delicious cakes, and even more delicious friends.


And what, you may ask, has that do with Slow Subtle Super S&x?



Here’s the everything.

Sex is life, life is sex. The way we have sex is the way we live life. The way we live is the way we have sex.

As a digression, and I say this a lot, everyone I work with on a healing and growth journey at some point says they’re amazed how it has everything to do with sex and nothing to do with sex.


Firstly, and not going too deeply into this, there are different grades of coffee, different ways of making coffee, different ways of drinking coffee.

When we learn more about anything we start to look at it differently, experience and express it differently. Our relationship with it changes.


I get asked so often by people, we’ll who else is going to ask, how to have better sex.

Firstly we have to look at what better sex actually means, and a lot of times people are not sure about that. And better sex means different things to people, depending on where they are on their sexual journey.


Having said that, there is a way to have a sexual experience that is deeper, more intimate, more connecting, more of an experience of sexual energy, more of a full-body experience, an experience that has more sensation, more feeling.

An experience that deepens or elevates your sexual experience and opens the door to it becoming love making.


There are 3 steps, 3 parts to make this happen.

On one level, so simple.

On another, like all great learnings, such subtlety, such nuance, such possibility.


Slow down.

That’s the first.

Slow down. Slow down. Slow down.

From the beginning.

Slow the way you look at each other down.

Slow the way you touch down.

Slow your kiss down.

Slow everything down.

Enter your lover slowly, so slowly, even slower than that.

Open to your lover slowly, so slowly.

Move slowly, so, so, so slowly.


The second teaching.


Breathe slowly, deeply.



The third teaching.


Savor, taste, feel, hear, smell, inhale, inspire.


So many people are so used to friction sex. It’s hard, it’s fast.

It’s also constant stimulation.

It’s also about the goal of orgasm.

The cornerstone of my work is the understanding that we live in patterns.

These patterns are in the mind, and they’re in the body. That’s really important to understand.

The patterns are in your body.

Your body is so used to being touched and stimulated in certain ways. When there’s a different touch the body doesn’t always know what to do with it, how to respond to it, sometimes you don’t even know what to feel. That’s not your body. That’s your mind telling you what it should be, how it should be. It’s the expectation, and so often we have the expectation of our sexual experience, not what’s happening now.

So when something different is happening, the more you breathe the more you’ll be on your body rather than your mind.

Even before that, when you’re going to have this kind of experience, the mind needs to be different, there’s a different intention.

Be patient, give yourself time to experience.

When our nervous system and body are so used to one way of having sex and you do this, your mind may get bored.

Breathe. Soften into the feeling, into the sensation.

When you move so slowly everything is subtle. The subtle opens, expands.

When you move so slowly you savor, everything.

You become aware of the smallest things, the details of your bodies, your breath, your sounds, where you touch, your skin, what you feel, so many things you only experience in the slowness.

This, slowness, savoring, is the key to worlds of intimacy, of energy, of pleasure.

This slowness is the place of endless discovery.


You can just drink the coffee, you can just have sex, or…