Tell Me Something Different!


Most of my work is in the field of Conscious Sexuality and Relationships, which means that that’s what most people come and see me for, and that’s where most journeys start.

However, as our sexuality doesn’t happen in a vacuum, rather in the fullness of the context of our lives, as do our relationships, healing and growth journeys need to be in the same context.

Many of our sexual and relationship issues don’t always have a lot to do with sex, they’re simply the patterns of our lives playing out in those arenas. And more than that, when we include consciousness we include all of who we are. To expand, to heal, to grow in one area of life, we have to do the same in others, as everything within us is connected. Our genitals, even though most of us have disconnected and separated them from the rest of ourselves, are us much a part of us as our noses, our hands and our hearts. Genital healing might be an important part of a sexual healing journey, and so is everything else.

One of the other parts of our being that needs a lot of attention is the mind. Learning about the mind, finding different ways of relating to the mind becomes vital. When we see how much we live from programmes, from patterns, we start to understand this. And we see that the same principle, that of patterns plays itself out in our sexuality and in our relationships as much as anywhere else.

In changing the patterns we need to be able to think differently, do differently, and in time, come to be different. We’re creating new patterns, new ways of being that are about possibility. We’re going from what we think things should be to what they could be, we often have no idea of what they could be, the pleasure we could be experiencing, the love, the intimacy we could be living in as we’ve always done what we’ve known. As we start changing what we do we begin to see possibilities emerge, and I so often hear, “I never knew it could be like this”.

I was listening to a talk by the fantastic Stan Grof recently, where he was talking about all the different theories of mind in psychology and psychiatry, the different schools of therapy. They’re all valid, they all have research. In the world of healing, complementary health and growth it’s the same, there are so many modalities and ways of healing. There are also so many new advances and ideas of how the mind works at the moment, how the brain works, the connection between the body and the mind, and they’re all teaching us something.

It’s fascinating reading and listening to all the different ideas and practices coming from the amazing teachers, writers, thinkers and beings. I love engaging with it, and love looking at how we can use it, what can we do with the ideas, how can we apply them to help us change things in our lives.

I had an idea I shared with some of the people I’m working with at the moment who are stuck in some very contractive mind and thought loops, people whose minds took them to the same horrible places again and again and again. As much as they tried they couldn’t get out of the patterns.

This is what I suggested they try, and the impact was big.

When your mind tells you what it’s told you before, say ‘Thank you, I’ve heard that before, tell me something I haven’t heard before.’ And it will tell you something else that you’ve heard before, been thinking before.

And you say the same thing.

And again.

It takes some time to get to something different, for something else to emerge. You have to be aware of your thought, and be aware of engaging with them, and in time engaging with them differently.

Like everything else in healing it takes awareness, time and practice, practice, practice.

Most people said that there were the thoughts they knew, again and again. Then they slowed down, became less.

Then there was a quiet, a silence, a gap. There was a pause.

And something new began, it was almost as if there was a different part of the mind talking to them. It became a different conversation, a different perspective, a different perception. They saw things in a different way. And they started being able to do some things differently.

Be patient with yourself.

Be gentle with yourself.

Love yourself.