There is a 4-letter word that in today’s world is revolutionary when it comes to sex and pleasure.
The extension of that is it’s pretty revolutionary in life.
Slow.
That’s it, slow.
Slow TFD, literally.
I’ve been teaching in the field of Conscious Sexuality for 30 yr and I get asked something a lot.
What’s one thing that will change our sexual experience?
I generally dislike the question, in a world of quick-fix, sound-bites and shorts that barely scratch the surface of complex things.
It also makes me think.
And…Slow Down.
Slow your gaze, slow your breath, slow your kiss, slow your touch, slow your caress, slow your penetration, slow your receiving.
Slow everything down.
Then slow it down more
Then slow it down even more.
When we slow down, a whole lot of things happen, that are all connected.
The 1st thing is that we actually begin to feel.
The sensations, the feelings, the emotions, the energy.
The way most of us have sex is patterned, meaning we tend to do the same thing in the same way.
Physically and mentally, which means besides touching in the same way, we have the same thoughts, the same fantasies.
When we’re in the pattern, we don’t really feel, because it’s always pretty much the same thing.
When we feel more, more of the delicious sensations, we have more pleasure.
Which brings us to…
Expectations.
When we’re doing what we always do, what we experience is more the expectation than what we’re actually feeling and experiencing.
Expectation is in the past or the future.
I do this, you do that, because that’s what we’ve always done, that’s what we’ve always felt, that’s how you react.
When we slow down we get out of expectation, we feel what’s here now, in our bodies, in our hearts.
We become more…
Present.
Slowing down brings us into presence.
Present in ourselves, our bodies, our hearts.
Present with each other.
In presence we feel, here and now, what we feel, not the expectation, not the pattern.
And in presence we’re intimate.
Patterns and expectations take us out of intimacy.
And intimacy is actually what so many of us are looking for, sex is just one way to experience that.
If you take a moment to think about how intimate your sex is…
If you’re not present, if you’re in a fantasy, in your head, there’s not a lot of intimacy.
Which brings us to pleasure.
When we are having goal-oriented sex, friction sex, orgasm sex, which is generally patterned, and filled with expectation, our experience becomes quite narrow.
It’s important to say this. Orgasms are fantastic, there’s no judgment on that kind of sex.
It’s just one path, one possibility amongst so many.
Which becomes more about pleasure, more about feeling, more about exploring, more about this limitless field of our bodies, sensuality, eroticism.and when we slow down, those doors open and invite us in.
To what is for many of us, unimaginable delights.
The next thing that slowing down does is it brings us into a space and experience that’s more of a conversation.
Not of words, although that’s a part of it, a conversation of our bodies, of our hearts.
It’s a conversation of touch, of feeling, of connection.
Instead of just doing, which patterned sex is, one of us doing to another, we actually listen.
We take time to hear, to feel, not just do.
And when we listen in this way, there’s greater intimacy.
And more creativity, which allows us to explore more, feel more.
Be more present.
Feel deeper fulfillment.
You can begin to see how much there is in slowing down.
Here’s something a little extra, which takes us into where lovemaking becomes an art, becomes transcendent, even becomes spiritual.
Some of these experiences take some learning, there are ways to kiss, touch, penetrate, have oral pleasure that are far from what we mostly feel.
They take us so deep, so high, in the sharing, in the giving and receiving.
And they’re all based on slow.
Come and experience, come and learn, in this amazing, limitless, delicious world of slow.
I invite you…
