The 4 Secrets of Sensation



As a sex educator and healer, a workshop facilitator and massage teacher there’s a question I get asked lots, as I’m sure many of my colleagues do.


How do we have better sex?

Now, what better sex actually is is its own discussion.

But there are 4 secrets that will change the way you have sex and deepen the experience, the intimacy and sensation.


Presence is the key here.

The more present you are, in your body, in your sensation, in your breath and in your heart, the more you’ll feel.

The more present you are the more you’ll be able to connect with your partner.

The more present you are the deeper the intimacy will be.

The more present you are the more energy will flow within you, between you, around you.

The more present you are the more you’ll be in your heart.

The more present you are the more surrender there is, to sensation, to feeling, to emotion, to the experience.

The more present you are the more you’ll be with what is.

The more present you are the more open you’ll be, more vulnerable.

The more present you are the greater possibility there is in the experience.

The more present you are the more you get away from performance, from pressure, from making something happen, from a goal, into the feeling, the sensation, the connection, the energy…


These secrets apply to whatever you’re doing, kissing, touching, caressing, massaging, licking and penetrative sex.


The first one is Slow Down.

Whatever you’re doing, Slow Down.

Then slow down more, then more, and when you think that you’re moving, touching, kissing, whatever you’re doing slowly, slow down even more.

As soon as you slow down you become more present.


For so many, most people sex, in whatever way they have that has become about orgasm.

I would never say don’t have orgasms.

I spend a lot of time in my practice helping people have orgasms, teaching about different kinds of orgasms.

But when orgasm is the goal, when that’s all there is, beside it creating pressure for both of us, besides it limiting the experience to be about orgasm rather than pleasure, when orgasm is all there is, we get into this mad rush to make it happen. So we don’t actually feel much.

Our attention and energy are there, whatever we have to do to make that happen, rather than our attention being here.

As soon as we slow down, we come into here, now.

Into our bodies.

Into our energy.

And into connection.


The next thing that happens when we slow down is we actually feel, and in time, and the slower we move, the more we’ll feel.

And the depth of sensation is limitless.


Slowing down also has incredible healing properties, as it allows us to let go.

Simply by slowly, we release, and when we add the other elements of this, that I’m going to share with you, healing and release happen naturally, physically, emotionally and energetically.


The second secret.




Deeply, slowly


Breath does so much when connected to sensation, touch, pleasure and sex.

Breath brings us into our bodies.

Breath moves energy in our bodies.

Breath moves energy between us, around us.

Breath opens us.

Breath deepens what we feel.

Breath allows us to ride waves of pleasure that take us out into the ocean of bliss.


Which connects us to the third secret.


Relax everything.

The more we relaxed we are the more present we are.

The more relaxed we are the deeper we can breathe.

The more relaxed we are the slower we can move.

The more relaxed we are the more energy can move.

The more relaxed we are the deeper we can drop into our hearts, into our bodies.

The more relaxed we are the more we can go into higher, deeper states of consciousness.

The more relaxed we are, the more we breathe, the more we slow down, the more whatever we’re doing becomes an expression of energy. It transcends the body to become life-force, vitality, creation, mystery.


And the fourth secret.


Be still.

So still in the moment.


When we’re moving, even so slowly, there’s stimulation.

When we stop there’s integration.

Everything comes together.

Breathe in the stillness.

And that allows us to go deeper.


And that allows everything we’re feeling to spread through us, to reach every cell of the body, to fill it with light, with pleasure.


That’s where pleasure becomes a meditation.


And in that deep stillness, in that deep quiet, Mystery reaches into us, touches us.

And we know what making love is.