The Curiosity of Love and Pleasure



There’s something I teach which is so important when it comes to pleasure, to sexuality, to sensuality, to growth.

It’s also such an important element in relationships.

There’s a progression, a journey that starts with curiosity.

Curiosity becomes interest.

Interest becomes fascination.

Fascination becomes wonder.

Wonder is the space of awe, of reverence.

This is the place of mystery, of spirit.

This is where we experience the knowing, the magic.


In a relationship this is vital.

So often I’m asked about keeping love alive, keeping the spark, keeping the fire burning. And these are some of the key elements of lasting relationships.  Curiosity, Interest, Fascination, Wonder.

Without these we become bored.

When we’re bored, with ourselves, with each other, we have no energy for the relationship, no energy for each other.

We have no desire.

We have no passion.

We have no fire.

It becomes the death of love, of intimacy, of excitement.


The nature of consciousness is to expand.

The nature of the heart is to love.

The nature of the body is to feel, sensation, emotion.

Our nature, our true nature, is to engage, to play, to laugh, to dance, to touch, to cry, to be.

With energy and vitality.

When we don’t express and allow our curiosity and what it leads to, we fade like dying, wilting flowers.

We became stale, hard.


Curiosity, Interest, Fascination, Wonder.

In our bodies, in our hearts, in our minds, in our genitals, in our pleasure, in our thoughts, in our ideas, in possibility.

This fuels us, expands us.

It’s a journey that is endless throughout our lives.

It’s such an important part of health, emotional health, physical health, mental health, sexual health, spiritual health, heart health.


When I stop being interested in myself, when I stop going within myself, when I stop exploring myself, when I stop growing myself, I stop engaging with life with passion.

And I stop doing the same with you.

And when you no longer interest me, draw me, challenge me, excite me, have mystery for me, we start to fade.

Into mediocrity, going through the motions, empty of joy.

It’s through being curious about myself that I’ll be curious about you.

It’s through being interested in life that I’ll be interested in you.

It’s through being fascinated by this body, by feeling, by sensation, that I’ll be fascinated by touching, being touched, by you.

It’s through seeing the wonder in myself, in life, in love, that I’ll know the wonder in you, the Divine in you.


In a life such as this every moment is an invitation.

Every moment is filled with limitless possibilities.

Awareness will begin to show us these.

Fear will keep us from these.


In this awareness every time I look into your eyes I’ll see things I’ve never seen before.

Every time I touch you I’m touching a body that I know, and touching it for the first time.

Every time I kiss your mouth it’s a kiss I know and a kiss to explore.

Every time I’m inside of you it’s knowing you, and knowing that there is so much to discover.

Every conversation shows us something different, gives us a different perspective.

Every time I hold your hand is a familiar warmth, a fit, and a hand that in a lifetime I will not know all of.


And it begins with myself.

Curiosity, Interest, Fascination, Wonder.

Within me.

Healing me, growing me, learning me, seeing me, differently, deeper.


When a relationship is struggling, and I’ve seen so many recently, the questions to ask are how interesting are you to each other? How curious are you about yourself? How much fascination is in your talk, your touch, your pleasure?

Discovering this, creating this, crafting this, fostering this, cultivating this, actively, will help so many relationships. It doesn’t happen on its own.

It’s how we nurture ourselves and each other.

It’s something we need to do, consciously, it doesn’t happen on its own.

It’s a path to consciousness, a path of consciousness.

It’s a path of incredible possibility.