One of the most limiting definitions of male sexuality and male pleasure is an erection.
The bigger the better, the harder the better.
And women have bought into this as much as men.
If he’s not hard, the thought, the question, the comment is, what’s wrong with me, am I not attractive to him, attractive enough.
And if he goes soft during any sexual activity, what am I doing wrong?
Why is this a limitation?
It’s unrealistic in so many ways.
We’re not machines, our bodies are not machines.
Our sexuality, male sexuality, is complex.
It’s not just about our genitals, it’s about our hearts and feelings, even though so many men have disconnected from this.
It’s about chemicals, it’s about what’s happening in our lives, it’s about what we want, how difficult it is for many of us to communicate.
And it’s about performance.
Which is what sex has become for so many men.
A performance.
Something to achieve.
It’s about the hard, the porn model, the media model.
Hard, driving.
Desensitised, mechanical.
This week, on the sexual calendar, is Soft-C&ck Week.
And in this is such freedom, for men and women, such pleasure, such possibility.
A man does not need to be hard, to have a full erection, to have pleasure.
A man does not need to have an erection to have an orgasm.
This has become a trap for many men, with such pressure, and when it goes soft there’s embarrassment, shame, withdrawal, shut down…
It’s time for a new model of male sexuality and pleasure, and expanded perspective that opens up the possibilities of the moment.
Why am I writing about sex and pleasure?
They’re not always the same. Of course sex is pleasurable, but when it’s a performance, when it’s about the goal, when it’s expression is really narrow and limited, it’s not much about pleasure.
Pleasure is being present.
It’s feeling what is, the sensations, the energy.
It’s allowing whatever is in the body, in the heart, to flow.
And in this alone there is so much pleasure.
For a long time I’ve been teaching practices that don’t matter whether a man is erect or not.
Some, with hands, and mouth, that are amazing when he’s soft. The sensation, the sensitivity, the subtlety, the energy that flows in these is deep, powerful, and so opening.
There’s a freedom in this, a relief, a letting go, a relaxation, all of which are part of the experience of conscious pleasure, which is about being present.
When we get this, both of us, men and women, regardless of your orientation, that’s when we can begin exploring and discovering.
We free ourselves from what we think should be, which is a deeply flawed and limited perspective of male sexuality, to what is.
And what is can be limitless.
We’re preparing for The Sex Expo in Johanesburg, presenting some live events.
Amongst these is a Lingam Massage experience.
Last year there were times where the man who was having these experiences, didn’t get fully hard, didn’t ejaculate.
And still had full-body energy orgasms.
There were people who came up to me after watching this and asked, What went wrong?
Nothing!
They were amazing experiences.
A man, just like you, on a journey of sexual healing and growth decided to do this as part of his journey, claiming his sexuality.
Incredibly powerful, vulnerable.
And had, and shared, and showed, something so beautiful.
So many people just looked at it from the way they think it should be.
Limiting, judged, locked into performance, mechanics.
Inhuman, actually.
Soft-C&ck experiences.
Liberating.
Opening.
Such sensation, such power, even spiritual.
Full-Body.
Heart-Connected.
Pleasure, in so many ways.
