The Heart of Male Sexuality



I have recently been watching, listening to a fair amount of webinars and lessons on sexuality.

A lot of them have been about becoming ‘A legend in the bedroom’, referring more to men than women.

I was pondering this, and the way so many of these were presented, and I came to this.

They’re talking to the boy within us, the adolescent. They’re about sex as achievement. They’re about a technique, a system, do it this way, all the time.

They’re about performance.


Firstly it makes us all the same, everyday, every time.

Then it makes our lovers the same, every time.

It also means what we want is the same, every time, what our lovers want is the same every time.

And we perform, every time.


It keeps us in a pattern, in a way of ‘doing sex’ that keeps us stuck in a paradigm of ‘getting it right’.

It’s so linked to the ideal we’ve been given of a man, which is so much about performance, about the goal, about chasing.

It’s so linked to the idea of our value being in what we do, what we have.

It’s so linked to the idea that busy-ness is so important.

It’s so linked to the idea of a huge, hard, erection, which can be so delicious.


Where’s the Heart?

Where’s the Intimacy?

Where’s the Presence?

Where’s the Energy?



We’re more than our erection.

We’re more than our orgasm.

We’re more than how many times I can make you come.

We’re more than following the pattern, the routine, the technique.

We’re more than ticking the boxes, fulfilling the fantasies.


We have, us men, these Hearts.

We have this energy of connection.

We have this space to hold you in.

We have this fire to heat you in.

We have this roar to appreciate you in.

We have this quiet to lie with you in.

We have this vulnerability to share with you.

We have this presence, expressed in so many ways.

We have this softness to flow with you.

We have this rhythm to dance with you.

We have this sacred space within us that yearns to be met, seen, felt, to meet you in Divine Union, Divine Life, Divine Love.


It’s in our bodies, it’s in our feelings, it’s in our hearts.

It’s in our desire to share.

We find it going within ourselves.

When pleasure is present, when desire is present, in the Heart, there’s a flow, a dance, naturally.

Our bodies become the guide, connection becomes the guide, intuition becomes the guide.


I teach workshops on techniques.

Learning about our bodies, our partner’s bodies is exciting, interesting, fascinating.

It shows us the magic, the mystery, the marvel of the body.

These practices, like any spiritual and growth practice, are the vessel.

Heart gives it texture, brings it life, colors it with vibrancy, with aliveness, with the moment.

Otherwise they’re simply empty actions.


This for men is the greatest disconnect, Sex and Heart.

As we bring these together we bring ourselves home.


There’s something deeper in this.

So much of the way we have sex is the way we live, is the way we are with nature with others, with the world.





The next.


How much is enough.

Judged by an absurd idea of manhood.

Caught in a system that has no peace, no happiness, no fulfillment.

No joy.

No Heart.

No pleasure.


As we begin to expand our sexuality beyond our genitals, beyond our quick orgasm, we expand.

We become more intimate with ourselves, we begin to understand intimacy.

We begin to understand intimacy with another.

We begin to understand intimacy with life.


We as men move beyond the porn-model, the teenage sex of judgment, comparison, achievement into Heart sex, Heart Life.

The space of possibility.