‘I wanted to thank you for taking the time with me yesterday.
Half of my problem is that I know I take long, and I shy away because I feel no one will want to put that effort in for me.’
It does take some women some time to get to orgasm.
That’s all.
And every time we don’t stay there, every time we make her feel less, every time we won’t put ourselves there, commit, we take something away, from her, from ourselves.
This message, a woman shared it with me after a Yoni Massage recently, is so simple, it says so much, it speaks for so many women.
It speaks to so many men.
We have been given so many warped ideas about sex and pleasure, by porn, by the media, by what’s online.
And in this, women’s pleasure has often been put in a narrow box of expectations and performance, of how it should be.
Which is often in a way that’s far from what it is, beautiful, wide, wild, diverse…
And every time we try and make it, her, less, every time we make it an inconvenience, we show how far away from sacred men we’ve moved.
And so many women have shied away from pleasure, have felt they matter less, have felt that when a man needs to ‘work at it’, when she takes time, have felt that their pleasure was not valued.
Have felt apologetic, devalued.
Even calling it a problem says it all.
Part of the devotion to pleasure, to a woman, the power of sexuality, is staying there.
Part of the commitment to pleasure is staying there.
Part of being a warrior of pleasure is staying there.
There are so many reasons for the time it takes for women to have an orgasm.
And sometimes from doing healing work that changes.
And sometimes it just takes time.
So many men talk about how good a lover we are.
And such a big part of this claim is our obsession with orgasm, with making her come.
Women’s orgasms are beautiful, wonderful, powerful, amazing, life-affirming, expansive, creative…
And as much as we talk about that pleasure is more important, there are times that orgasm is vital.
And you stay there to make it happen.
Never mind all the techniques you’ve learned.
Never mind all the fancy words.
This is simple.
It’s an expression of the heart, it’s an expression of caring.
It’s a deep, deep expression of who we are as men.
It’s an expression of truth.
It’s an expression of presence.
I’m here, I’m here with you.
In pleasure.
In love.
In possibility…
