The Intimate Ritual of Oral Pleasure





It’s Wednesday afternoon in Johannesburg as I write this. I’m sitting outside in the winter sun, the wind is picking up, a cold front is on the way. I’ve just made coffee, which I’m sipping slowly, savoring.

I put my face up to the sun and savour its warmth on my skin, it’s a sensation, as if it’s caressing me, carried by the wind.

Savoring this moment in so many ways.

I’ve been doing some work with Maya Luna, and I’ve loved learning the practice of savoring.


I’m teaching a webinar tomorrow night on Oral Sex, and there’s something about that I’ve wanted to share for a while. Something I’ve started writing a few times that hasn’t been quite there.


For me this has always been an experience of incredible intimacy.

Sex has not always been intimate, my mouth on your yoni, deeply intimate. Even, yes I have, and I think every man should for so many reasons, your cock in my mouth, deeply intimate.


My first sexual experience happened at age 17, I was scared of doing anything before that, didn’t know how to go from kissing to breasts, never mind anything else. I had such desire, but I was scared.

And what I wanted to do more than anything, or as much as anything else was kiss, lick…

My first experience was not pleasant or even, thinking about it, pleasurable, but I got over that.

And here I am years later, teaching oral pleasure tomorrow night.

And as they say in good Western’s, I love ’em, It ain’t my first rodeo.


Every workshop, online, in real time is different.

A fair amount of the class tomorrow is technique, how to, for both beautiful, enchanting, mysterious, delicious, genitals.

That’s important, sometimes really important as get very little education for pleasure, and the techniques of pleasure.

And something more.

The intimate ritual of your mouth on, in, around, someone’s sex.


So often we talk about the ‘act’ of fellatio, he ‘performed’ cunnilingus.

For many of us sex is a performance, it’s about the goal of orgasm. And every time I talk about this I add the disclaimer, orgasms are great, there’s more.


Making this a ritual changes the experience in every way.

It expands from an act into an expression of sexual energy, intimacy, love.

A ritual puts us in a different space of awareness. There’s a clear intention. We are more present. There’s care in everything we do.

Ritual can be a path to an expanded experience of consciousness, and this experience can offer that.

Let go of having to make your lover come, let go of them having to do anything other than feel.


Create a space.

When we do this we start to put ourselves in a different inner space.

Warmth, so important.

Music, candles, incense, flowers, anything that’s important to you.

Maybe a bath, and the ritual of the bath on its own can be, mmmm.

If you’d like to go into that, wash your partner, slowly, gently. Everywhere.

Dry them with care.

Maybe anoint their body with oil or lotion.

Talk to them about their body, how beautiful they are to look at, to touch, to feel.

Lay them down in the space you’ve prepared.

Tell them, tell them, in such detail, any words you’re comfortable with, how beautiful their yoni or lingam is, how honored you are to kiss it, lick it, suck it, taste it, smell it, feel it in your mouth.

Connect with your heart through breath, and allow your mouth, your lips, your tongue, to be an expression of your heart.

Keep coming back to that.

Begin your caress slowly.

This is worship.

Take time with every millimeter of their delicious sex.

Take every sensation of them in your mouth into you, deep into you, the texture, the feel, everything.

Keep coming back to your mouth, your heart, and you’ll get lost in the experience, the world will become that connection, that moment.

It’s endless.

If orgasms happen, it’s an allowing them to flow, not a making it happen.


This is the ritual, the intimate ritual of the pleasure of the mouth.

A world of possibilities…