For me, one of the really important aspects of being a teacher is to constantly be a learner.
I think so many of us learn something, a practice, a system, and keep repeating it.
The inner journey of healing, awareness, self-knowledge, exploration is vital on this path.
Without this we’re kind of ‘teaching the past, from the past.’ We’re also regurgitating something in a way that doesn’t have a deeper personal expression of expansion.
In this there are 2 paths of learning.
The 1st is what I’d call external, information, practices, from outside sources, videos, books, podcasts, workshops etc.
Today there is just so much, it’s impossible to keep up with even a small amount of it.
And becoming aware of the quality of it, the source, is a whole other issue.
The 2nd path is an inner one.
It’s the path of experience, of self-awareness, enquiry, personal practice.
They’re connected, and if we engage beyond the pure information, they feed each other.
We have more to offer, ourselves, and each other.
Which is one of the things I love, appreciate, savour and find fulfilling about what I do.
This weekend one of those moments arose.
We see a lot, we hear a lot, we do a lot.
And in a moment, because there is so much, a deeper awareness, a realisation of what’s there emerges.
A client shared an experience with me, that she’d had with her husband.
I’ve seen it in probably every touch workshop, every workshop that has a partner practice.
I’ve seen it in so many sexual experiences.
The sentence she shared that stayed in my awareness, that rang the bell, that twanged a strand of the web, that brought a hmmm, a yes, was this.
‘As soon as he touched my Yoni he started stimulating me.’
It’s what we do with our lovers.
As soon as we touch, we start doing, moving, stroking, caressing, kissing, licking…
What this so often does is cause a contraction within us. A tightening, a moment of tension.
That doesn’t always release.
Part of it is the pattern of experience, which has become our body’s default setting.
We contract, which means that we slightly, sometimes more, subconsciously, withdraw, retract.
We’ve been taught that foreplay, and I’m liking that term less, because of its goal-orientation.
We do this because it takes us to the next thing…
I kiss you so I can touch your breasts…
We’ve been taught that foreplay is all this stuff, do this, tick these boxes, and you’ll get this reaction, this will happen…
There’s an element of this that we’ve missed, and it’s so important in our arousal, and in our pleasure.
It’s the invitation.
And the invitation is in a pause.
It’s in a holding, in a touch that doesn’t move.
A kiss that’s just lips touching.
It’s in a breath.
And this, so simple, so subtle, allows so much to happen within us.
It’s an invitation to the nervous system to say yes.
It’s an invitation to the heart, regardless of how intimate or not we think the experience is, to say yes.
That pause is the moment where we open, where we connect.
Where we allow.
Even if our experience is fiery, passionate, rising flames of sensation, that moment takes us from a yes to a YES!
There is such power in this invitation.
Such power in this pause.
This is what turns the key easily, this is what opens the door smoothly.
The pause of connection.
The pause of presence.
The pause of the possibility of pleasure.
It’s so simple, and it does so much.
When you touch him, or her, wherever, pause, invite.
When you move to a different body part, pause, invite.
When you kiss, when you lick, when you suck, when you…
Pause, invite.
The pause slows everything down, even for a moment.
Which invites safety.
Which enhances sensation, feeling.
Which moves energy.
We’ve been convinced, convinced ourselves, that movement, stimulation, is what to do.
It often numbs us, drops sensation, reduces arousal.
Pause, we lean in.
Invite, we open.
I invite you join us on Wed, 16th July, for a free webinar, Exploring Sexuality.
We’ll talk about what sexual, sensual, erotic exploration really is, the paths and possibilities.
Drop an email to jonti@eroslife.co.za for the link.
