The Love of Desire

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I’ve shared with you that over the past year I haven’t had a sexual encounter with another.

For someone who has a had a rich and full erotic life this has been really interesting.

For someone who has connected deeply through sex this has been really interesting.

It’s taken me deep into myself, into my body, my mind, my heart.

And deep into my desire.

At times a desire that was a burning fire.

I’ve watched, and felt, how desire rises and falls.

I’ve come to see that you can’t suppress it, you can’t ignore it, you can’t repress it.

And you can’t allow it free rein.

There’s a connection we can make with our desire, a relationship that we open.

With consciousness.

We connect with our desire.

We feel it inside.

It’s mine, my desire.

I feel it rise, I feel it in my body, I feel the sensations. I feel the frustration, I feel the strength, I feel the heat, I feel the power, I feel the longing, I feel the yearning and more.

I feel it all.

Just…feel it…

And allow it to move in me, in whatever way it does.

And be with it.

Feel it, not observe it.

Feel it.

Feel every drop of it, every molecule.

When we do this, with any aspect of our being, we make a connection, we have a relationship with it.

It has a place within us, it creates connections within us, it integrates and fits.

Over time in my work I’ve seen how many people suppress their desire, disconnect from it, separate it, lock it away.

Over time in my work I’ve seen how many people want to put their desire in a neat little box with a bow on it.

When we do that it goes somewhere else inside of us and comes out in a way that’s distorted. It’s expressed as anger, resentment, frustration, coldness, distance, distraction, disconnect.

We lose passion and vitality.

We lose the connection with a part of ourselves that is a part of our deepest expression.

It connects us to our sexuality first, then beyond that, to life, the world.

And, and, and, it’s just so beautiful, so delicious, so fucking yummy, a banquet that is limitless, sights, smells, tastes, sensations, feelings, energy…

 

I’ve learned about the difference between desire and fantasy.

I’ve learned to look at what I really want,on all levels of my being.

I’ve learned to look at that when sex is an expression of myself, there is such freedom in that, in what of myself I allow expression.

 

And I’ve learned that the desire can be expressed in so many ways.

With another is one.

And we can come to love the desire, savour it, relish it.

Be in the state of desire, with no need, other than the desire.

 

And in the world of limitless possibility…