The Making of an Erotic Massage Therapist Pt 9



Let’s talk about bodies.


One of the very first professional massages I did was on an overweight man. It was hard work because of his size, not only overweight, a big man as well. A few minutes after if started the massage I heard a very definite ticking sound. I looked around the room, there was no ticking clock. It didn’t stop didn’t go away. I kept looking around and couldn’t see what was ticking. He was lying on his stomach, and when I asked him to turn over the ticking mystery was solved. He had a pacemaker, I saw the scar from the surgery.

Before the massage, when I asked him about medical conditions he never said anything.

It was a good learning experience in that people will tell you what they’ll tell you, rather than always answering your questions. For so many reasons.


When you do bodywork you get to see people in a vulnerable space, and erotic and sexual bodywork even more so.

You get to see, and touch people in a way that sometimes not even their partners do.

And you see and work with a range of bodies, and body reactions.

All professions have a side that not many people outside that profession get. It’s often not talked about. It’s sensitive, delicate and it’s a part of doing this work that requires a deep connection with your own heart, your own vulnerability and your own humanness.


Doing this work, erotic massage, you work with people who are fit and healthy, have good looking bodies, sometimes beautiful bodies.

And you work with people across the spectrum of being human. People who carry more with, people who are not so well groomed, people who are hairier, people who are older and younger.

You work with people.

In a space of vulnerability.

You work with people who fart during massages.

You work with, and I’ve experienced this a few times, women who have had such physically intense orgasms that they’ve pooped.


And all of these moments, with every single person, is a moment of possibility, for you to connect with your heart, for you to connect that energy with the person you’re working with, for you to express as much acknowledgement of that person, and as much love as you can.


If you’re just there to look at pretty people, to touch pretty people, men or women, you’ve bought into an incredibly empty sense of humanness. Your massage will probably never come from the heart. Your massage will probably never be about the intimacy of the connection. Your massage will probably never be about the energy of sexuality. And your massage will probably never be an expression of the Sacred, one human being recognizing the divinity in another.


I’ve seen this so much over the years of practicing and teaching. People, men more than women, who ask to come on a massage course without a partner, and ask about the physical looks of the woman they’d like to be paired up with. I’ve come to this. If you’re there to learn, if you’re there to grow, to experience, the moment, whatever it is, has amazing possibilities for you.


I remember a story.

Just before we released the first Expanded Orgasm video that we produced, a guy messaged me for weeks before asking when it would be ready. I came to know a little about him, a 3rd generation sheep farmer in quite a desolate part of the country. An enormous man, when I met him. He bought the video, and a few years later called me to say he was coming to the cirh where I lived, he wanted to come for a lesson with his girlfriend, which he did. He was staying a little longer and asked me what else I was doing that week. I had a massage workshop the next night, and told him that whoever he’d be partnered with was the only way for him to be there. He was fine with this. And it turned out that the only possibility was another man, also big, an athlete, very masculine. Both these guys were OK with the arrangement. After we’d talked, and I’d demonstrated a little, we put the lights down, there was a fire burning, soft music, everybody getting deeply into the stillness and massage. And I heard something from the corner where these two guys were that I haven’t forgotten to this day. ‘Fuck, if that’s how you touch I’m not surprised you struggle with women.’ Everyone burst out laughing. They learnt more about themselves as men that night than ever before. And had an experience of such human intimacy that impacted deeply on them in so many ways.


The willingness to be vulnerable, as a practitioner, as a giver and receiver, opens the heart, allows the energy to flow, and creates experiences of mind-blowing possibility.



There’s something interesting that happens from time to time, with women more than men.

A woman will come and talk about healing because her body isn’t very sensitive, she doesn’t get very aroused from being touched and she’d like to change that. This will even extend into not having orgasms, and that’s its own healing journey.

When we start doing some massage, and I start this really slowly, the first touch sessions will usually be the sacrum and spine, no more than that. When we start doing this her response, physical response is often very surprising for her. She does feel, she is sensitive, energy moves in her body, the sensation spreads. And as we talk about it, after the massage experience, because if you’re talking during the massage you’re in your head rather than in your body, what often comes out is the way that her partner touches her doesn’t give her anywhere near the same feeling.

It’s so important learning to touch, it can make such a difference to your relationship, to your intimacy and pleasure. It’s a communication way beyond words, and over time becomes such an important tool of eroticism and connection.

Over time there have been women, married and in relationships, that regularly for erotic massage. Their partner’s know about it, it happens with their consent. Most of these have good relationships and good sexual relationships. What they’ve realized is that when a woman has a deep energy experience, when her erotic energy is acknowledged, expanded, spread through her body, when she is able to receive that, so much in her life changes. One woman said something that was echoed by many others, ‘When I have this deep experience I’m a much nicer person, I’m more relaxed, I’m easier to be with, I’m less stressed, I laugh more, and I enjoy sex with my husband much more, even want sex more’.
There’s an understanding in this that pleasure is so much more than being about orgasm, that there are so many ways for the erotic to be expressed. And in these relationships they’ve found a way to experience that.

When we allow ourselves, when we give ourselves the gift of our erotic energy, it has deep impact on so many aspects of our lives, and our health. And when you’re not in a relationship it becomes a beautiful way of expressing and keeping your erotic and sensual fire burning.

The piece below this was written as fiction, but it’s based on real experiences, and will give you some beautiful understanding of how to touch a woman.


‘We’d been eating on the patio, an early supper tonight. The sun was just setting in a clear sky that slowly darkened. Shades of blue that gradually changed to night in an almost imperceptible spectrum. As the light became the dark the birds became still. The slight breeze fell to nothing. The ocean was flat and silent. The air became a fabric surrounding us.

There are many ways of touching a woman, she said softly in the quiet.
There is the gentle breeze, cooling your skin and carrying the scent of the frangipani through the air. And there is the tornado, tumbling you through the air with nothing to hold onto.
There is the earth that supports your steps and guides you. And there is the ground beneath your feet shaking to crack open and engulf you.
There is the warm sun on your skin, giving comfort and a smile. And there is the fire that burns you to the core.
There is the trickling stream, clear and cool and refreshing. And there are the thundering rain waves that spin you into the dark and turbulent depths.
There is a time for all these.
They all have a purpose.
They all have a lesson.
They all have a gift.
In the stillness of tonight I will teach you to touch me slowly.

We went to the space she had prepared. A room surrounded by small candles, their flames creating pockets of shadow. The futon was covered in a soft white throw, white pillows spread about. There was nothing else in the room other than a bowl of warm oil.

She stood in front of me and began to undress me, undoing the buttons of my shirt slowly. There was a pause, a long breathe between each one.
I knew she was showing me the way to undress her.
The time between each button on her shirt was anticipation and more. It was preparation for a ritual, unveiling the altar of our bodies.
She lay on her back, her legs over my thighs, settling into comfort.
I poured the oil on her skin, copper in the light.
She took my hand and placed it on her heart, my other hand over her mound, the curve of her yoni.
Breathe with me, she said softly.
Feel my heart, feel my yoni.
Feel the energy in my body begin to open.
Feel it flow from one centre to the other, feel them begin to connect.
I felt the heat.
Don’t move, she said, until your heart moves your hands. Let the chatter of your mind drift away into the quiet.
When you feel the pulse, the same in you, the same in me, slowly, as slowly as you can, slide your hand down my belly.
When you feel my yoni throb you know she is ready for your touch.
You cannot rush the feeling.
Listen in the quiet, you’ll hear it.
And then with one fingertip, one soft finger, a feather of a finger, a whisper of your finger on my skin, stroke the spreading of my yoni.
And again, the rhythm of slowness beyond time.
I felt her skin as never before.
Each peak and valley of her mystery.
With each stroke there was a melting in her.
With each stroke there was a melting within me.
The world was in that touch.
In the slowness of pleasure, the sensation rises from deep within. It comes to the surface and takes you back into the depths with it.
In the melting is the expansion.
Her voice seemed to come from far away as I stroked, one slow line of bliss after another, after another.
I knew in that moment that the giving was indeed the receiving.
And I knew that the ways to touch a woman were without limit.’