A while ago I facilitated an experience of sensual exploration and self-pleasuring.
Let me set the scene for you.
Everyone was blindfolded, allowing us to go inside of ourselves, where the touch, the sensation, the feeling was the focus. When we take one sense away the others become heightened.
It also meant we were the focus, not the others, not what anyone else was doing.
Everyone was nude, which is why I can’t share any of the pictures here.
The experience included textures like fabric, fur, metal…
At different points in the experience things like taste, smell, temperature were introduced.
BTW, as March is Masturbation Month, we’ll be doing this as an online experience, I’ll have a date soon.
It started out with everyone exploring their bodies, touching, using the objects, feeling the textures, the sensations.
It didn’t take so long before there were some differences between how men were touching and how women were touching.
It didn’t take that long before most of the men went to their genitals, and stayed there.
It took the women much longer to touch their Yoni’s, and when they did it became part of the experience, not the focus.
Their touch included their sex as with any other body part, not exclusive.
Once many of the men went there, the rest of the body was excluded.
This says so much about how we have sex, how we have pleasure, what we want, and what we do with each other’s bodies.
We know that our arousal cycles are different.
We know that it takes longer for women, at least we hope we know that. But if we look at the way that many of us have sex, at the models of sex we have, we tend to ignore, forget and just do it differently.
The models of porn and movies, the desperate urgency in so many men, takes us out of awareness.
What we do with our own bodies is what we do with our partners, our lovers.
That’s important, and when it lands we have the possibility of changing what we do. Not from a place of judgement, not from a place of doing it wrong. Rather than from a place of deeper pleasure and fulfillment, a place of greater expansion and more feeling.
A place that reflects what’s happening inside of us, and more awareness.
Let’s look at something interesting, then come back to why taking time to build the fire is so important.
When the women in this experience strayed touching their Yoni’s, it didn’t become an exclusive touch.
This is important.
The touch included their sex into their bodies.
There’s something big here, if we can see it.
The way most of us have sex is pretty patterned, we do what we do in the way we do it. It works, to whatever extent it does, or doesn’t, it’s what we know.
And each step is about getting to the next, each place or act is about the next, until we get to the goal, the genitals.
Then we forget about the rest of the body.
Which is a huge limitation, and as much as this isn’t being judgemental, a mistake.
The limitation is that once we’ve got to her Yoni we think we’ve arrived, and this is where it’s at.
As men, because we’ve, general statement here that has a level of truth, because we’ve compartmentalized sex, because we’ve largely disconnected our hearts and Lingam’s, her body is the same.
It’s not.
And the more we keep her whole body involved, the deeper the experience, the more energy flows, the more sensation moves.
It’s actually one of the key secrets to higher experiences, full-body orgasms, and mind-blowing states of pleasure.
Let’s go back to why taking the time for her fire is important.
It’s about safety, the link between safety and arousal, the awareness that for a woman to reach high states of pleasure, even just have orgasms, requires time.
We’re talking about at least, minimum, before we really get to anything big happening, 30, 35, 40 minutes!
Not the push her against the wall, rip some clothes off, and bra stays on btw, that you see in a movie, and fireworks.
When the whole experience, from start to finish might be 10, 15 minutes, you see the gap.
Her body, her heart, doesn’t have the time it needs to open, to soften. Her nervous system doesn’t have time to relax, regulate, get ready.
As beautiful, fascinating, magical, wonderful, exciting, our genitals are, there is this whole beautiful body.
As much as, for many of us, sex is chasing orgasms.
There is so much for us to explore, experience, feel and savour.
So much, in so many ways.
When we get out of the pattern, out of the ‘way we do it is the only way ‘, into a world of limitless possibility.
Come and explore, come and learn, there is so much for us all, I Invite you…
