The Power of Being Sexual


The way that most of us have sex is actually by doing sex.

And along the way we feel some things, sometimes intensely, sometimes not.

Sometimes we don’t feel too much because we’re focused on the end of the doing.

In fact, that’s what most of us have sex for, the end. Those few moments, brief moments of release more than anything else.

They’re not really moments of ecstasy, just the release we seek.

Having sex is a little different because we’re in the experience. 

We’re having it, and having it now.

Which means that we’re feeling, the sensations, the energy, the feelings, the emotions.

All of it, whatever it is.

We have to be present for this, present in our bodies, present in our hearts.

More in the body than in the mind.

More in the feelings than in the thoughts.

More in what is, whether it’s pleasurable or uncomfortable, challenging or ecstatic. 

In this state of presence something happens.

Lots happens, and one of the most important of these is that we stop chasing.

We stop seeing this is as achieving.

We stop trying to make something happen, instead we allow something to happen, whatever it is.

Because it’s there already. 

We’re simply bringing our awareness into what’s there. 

Within us, between us.

The next thing that happens when we stop doing sex and start having it is we actually become aware of pleasure.

Of the experience of pleasure, the energy of pleasure, the sensations of pleasure.

If we take a moment to think about it, when our focus is just on the ending, on the release, on the explosion, there’s not always a lot of pleasure in that.

It’s much more about friction, about building enough tension until all we can do is explode.

So how do we go from doing sex to having pleasure?

A few things, many things…

The first is to understand that there are so many ways to experience pleasure.

The next is that our whole body, from our toes to our fingers to the top of our heads is a field of pleasure, of sensation, of energy.

Then we need to learn to talk about what we’d like, can we explore, can we discover, can we be pleasure adventurers, pleasure learners.

Then, and this is big.

Energy moves in the body in waves.

Think about what most of us do.

We start touching, stroking, licking, sucking, f***ing. Then we just go harder and faster, harder and faster.

Friction, tension, contraction.

No wave, no energy.

Waves have pauses, waves have an up, a peak, a drop, a trough.

Waves change, ripples, tsunami’s.

So we learn to slow down, lots, we learn to pause, we learn to breathe.

This is where we begin to feel.

This is where we go from doing to having, from performing to presence.

From our awareness being somewhere out there to being right here, right now.

This is where connection happens. 

This is where the intimacy is.

This is where the field of possibility becomes as vast, as limitless as the outer edges of the universe.

There’s a saying that we’re human beings not human doings.

We’ve become doings, as so much of our world is about the pressure, the judgement of achieving.

Which, in the way it happens, keeps us from ourselves, from fulfilment, from intimacy, from stillness, from quiet, from our hearts, from our souls.

We’ve done the same with sex, doing, judging, comparing, chasing, striving…

Let’s become sexual beings rather than sexual doings.

This is where the juice is, this is where the power is, and to misquote something, this is where the glory is.

The glory of this Divine Body at play in the limitless field of sexual, sensual, intimate pleasure.


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