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Exploring a different story of our sexuality I come to an understanding of the power of playfulness.
The first thing I teach people who come and see me is about the patterns we live with. We talk about where the patterns come from, how they develop and the impact they have on our lives, our relationships and our pleasure.
Learning how to change our patterns is one of the most import aspects of healing and growth. Learning to create new patterns if expansion and possibility is what allows us to live differently, have the relationships and lives we’d like, and the sexual experiences we’d like to have.
Healing, whatever that means, and as I explore more my understanding of healing changes, is where the journey begins.
That takes the time it takes. And I’ve learnt the power of doing that slowly, of building a foundation for change and growth in a way that makes it strong and substantial. Quick fixes don’t work, and doing too much too quickly puts us further back than we were to start with.
There is a time where healing becomes growth.
There is a point in the journey where we can begin to create something different. We don’t always know what that is, we don’t always know what that will look like, we do know that we want something else, different experiences, different possibilities.
When it comes to sex we have to shift the perspective we have to allow something different to be there.
One of the most powerful things we can do is to make sex fun and playful.
You rereading this and of course you’re going to say yes to that.
But let’s look at what it means.
When we understand the power of our patterns and we look at what that means in sexual terms we see that one of the deepest patterns we have is orgasm.
Now, orgasms are wonderful. I spend a lot of time helping women who don’t have orgasms make that possible. I spend time helping women who don’t have internal orgasms make that possible. I teach workshops and lessons on different types of orgasms, how to make orgasms more intense, how men can control their orgasms, have orgasms without ejaculating and more.
And I love to have orgasms. I love my lovers orgasms.
And…
There is so much more than orgasms.
One of the most beautiful ways we can become more sexually playful is to get out of the need to make sex about orgasms.
It comes back to our patterns and beliefs.
We’ve been conditioned to believe that the goal of sex is orgasm. This makes a sexual experience successful dependent on one criteria only.
If we’re willing to understand that the goal if sex is pleasure we start to free ourselves from that limiting belief.
Then we have to look at the practice, what does that mean in terms of how do we do sex differently, what do we do that’s different.
The patterns is that we say yes, we need to do it differently, we want to do it differently, and we don’t know that means so we go back to doing what we know. And it ends up being the same, with the same result.
To make sex more playful we have to be willing to make a mindshift. We have to take a jump to the left, a step to the right, put your hands on your hips and lighten up, be ridiculous, laugh at yourself and have fun. If you knew how ridiculous you looked and sounded during sex anyway you’d be able, I hope, to laugh.
Explore each other’s bodies in a way that it about orgasms. Talk about something you’d like to try, and do it. Then stop. Talk about how it felt for both of you. Don’t fall into the pattern of ‘and then she came ‘.
There are so many exciting games you can play with your lover. There are so many toys you can play with. And some of the most fun toys are things you have lying around the house.
Explore something erotic together.
Share one of your fantasies.
See how much noise you can make during sex, can you have a laughtergasm?
Roleplay.
Write a porn script together.
Tickle each other… There’s an endless, literally, endless, inexhaustible list of possibilities.
We forget, us adults, how important it is to play.
It’s impact on life is so deep.
One of the principles that I teach is that our relationships and sex are a reflection of our lives, and that our lives are reflected in our sexuality.
The more fun we have sexually the more fun we’ll have in life.
The more fun we have sexually, and in life, the more creative we’ll be, the more sensual we’ll have be, the more connected and engaged with life we’ll be, the less stressed we’ll be, the more we’ll laugh, the more we’ll heal and grow and expand… In every way.
And the more we’ll love.
Ourselves, others, life, the world.
The lighter we’ll be.
There’s a secret on the path to enlightenment that many teachers share. It’s so simple, too simple because we love the serious, the deep.
The more fun you have, conscious fun, heart fun, the more love there is, the more life changes.
Love is light.
Be light, delight.
C’mon, let’s play!
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